Page 97 of HER SISTER

Everything inside of me wanted to head to the nearest bar.

To not only drink but to possibly hook up with someone as well.

It wasn't just a thought.

It was a genuine contemplation.

Subconsciously, I wanted to ruin everything we had built.

Especially since it felt like I had already done that with my past.

But even as I contemplated throwing everything down the drain with Atiana—

I couldn't actually bring myself to do it.

I couldn't physically do something like that to her.

I also couldn't imagine touching someone else in that manner without visibly showing disgust on my face.

She got me.

And the irony is—

She doesn't want to be with me right now.

And I know the Universe is laughing at me right now, knowing that this seemed to all come full circle.

After hurting so many people and sleeping around so frequently, I don't know what I expected.

Karma really is a bitch.

In all honesty, I never saw myself as a committed type of person.

Commitment was always off the table for me.

It wasn't anything personal—nobody had hurt me and sent me into a spiral.

I had just always been this way.

Even when I was with Alyssa, I never felt one hundred percent there.

Although, I tried to be.

Even if she had never cheated on me, I think the relationship would've naturally come to an end anyway.

And maybe that's why it was so easy to move on from it all.

To not bring the situation to light.

But with Atiana it was different.

She was not someone I played about and we both knew that.

Everyone knew that.

I let out a deep sigh to myself as I took another hit from the lit blunt.

No, I didn't go out to a bar or a club like I desperately wanted to.

Instead, I did what any sane person would do—

I left town.

Just for the rest of the weekend at least.

I had come out to Big Bear at my family's cabin.

And upon making it here at damn near one in the morning, I realized that I had subconsciously subjected myself to a punishment.

I mean, Ati and I were all over this house.

Literally and figuratively.

We had so many memories here—

This was where everything officially began.

And I'll never forget that.

I glanced down at my ringing phone, noticing Nate—

Or Ryder's seventh missed call.

Along with my sister, who managed to send a few hundred texts.

And let's not forget my parents who now seem to be worried.

I let out a deep exhale of smoke, willingly watching the call ring until voicemail.

It felt like everyone knew, which meant I would have to relive the conversation I had with her all over again as I explained where everything went wrong.

I laughed slightly to myself, suddenly realizing that I was better off remaining uncommitted.

It was always easier that way.

I've always been an independent person, so I never required someone to share my life with.

I genuinely felt like I was enough.

Being alone had never equated to being lonely.

But now...

Now I feel fucking lonely as I sit at the top of a mountain watching the snow fall on a late January night.

I glanced down at my ringing phone for what felt like that thousandth time tonight—almost considering just throwing it off the balcony.

I could figure out the rest tomorrow.

However, before I could contemplate the idea further, someone managed to say, "So you are ignoring our calls."

I swear I had never been so fucking scared in my life.

And my reaction alone managed to make my mom laugh—

Like full-on laugh while I managed to stare at her completely unamused.

"What are you doing here—" I suddenly tilted my head, "—Better yet, how do you know I'm here?" I questioned her, clearly surprised by her presence.

My mom inhaled a few deep breaths as her laughter died down, "We got an alert that the front door opened," she explained as she wiped her stray tears.

I nodded a few times to myself, recalling our alarm system.

Which ultimately made me freeze slightly as I took another hit from the blunt, "Do we have cameras?" I asked, hoping to sound casual, but it was clear I was asking for a reason.

Mostly because I had fucked Atiana on my lap right there in our living room.

"Only outside—having them inside feels weird," My mom explained, and I couldn't help but nod, hoping she never actually installs cameras inside.

That is fucking weird.

I looked over to my mom when she suddenly grabbed the blunt from between my fingers.

"Where's dad?" I questioned as she took a hit from the lit blunt.

My mom exhaled a large cloud of smoke, "I told him to stay home," she said as she took another hit from the blunt.

I tilted my head slightly, "That can't be good," I determined as I leaned back against the railing.

She clearly came all the way here for a reason, which I knew was to talk to me.

My mom hummed to herself as she exhaled more smoke, "Tell me what happened," she said, clearly not bothering to beat around the bush.

I raised a brow, "You already know what happened. Mya told you," I pointed out, knowing she couldn't know any other way.

My mom only shook her head as she passed the blunt back to me, "I want to hear it from you. From your perspective," she explained.

I lazily raised my brows as I took another hit from the blunt knowing that I'd need it if I wanted to relive what happened just hours ago.

"Let's start with my past," I breathed out the smoke, knowing I needed to take her back fully so she understood the entire situation.

—

"I know this might be hard to fathom, but this really isn't about you."

I jokingly scoffed to myself as I sat the wine glass down, "Just because you're my mom doesn't mean you have to be a dick," I said, clearly not being serious.

My mom laughed, but upon realizing her role, she popped the back of my head, "Language, Milan," she reminded me, but by the chuckle that fell from her lips after, it was clear that she wasn't serious.

I shrugged as I leaned back in the tall chair.

We had transitioned into the kitchen as I continued to explain everything that happened.

My mom somehow got a bottle of wine popped open and wine glasses filled to the brim for us.

Count on her to find a way to drink wine.

"Ana is clearly going through her own thing right now—she even voiced this to you," My mom pointed out as she took a brief sip of her wine, "So this isn't about you or your past."

I gave her a narrowed look, "But isn't it? This all happened after the whole Lana situation," I said, knowing that this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for that.

My mom hummed, "That might've triggered it, but it's not exactly about that," she emphasized, but it was clear that she felt the need to provide a better explanation, especially when she said, "Ana just needs time to figure herself out.

You have to keep in mind that you're a little older than her, you've traveled the world, and you've been with different people.

I think it could be anyone else in your shoes, and Ana would still have issues with being secure.

Your past really isn't what's affecting her. "

I let out a long sigh as I inevitably nodded, "Yeah," I said, practically forcing out the one-word reply.

My mom suddenly sat her wine glass down, "What is this really about, Mi? Because it feels like no matter what I say, you feel the need to keep blaming yourself for all this," she said, casting her concerned mom stare onto me.

I stressfully ran my hands over my face, not knowing exactly how to answer that question.

I just...

"I miss her," I whispered as I buried my face in my hands, hating that I felt like I could cry right now.

This is so unlike me.

I heard my mom let out a soft sigh as she guided her hand up and down my back, which seemed to make the overwhelming feelings worse.

I hate this so fucking much.

"I know Mi, but you guys will get through this, and you'll have a healthy relationship on the other side of things," my mom said as she hugged her body to mine.

I only remained silent, as I drew in deep breaths and let them back out, hating that the urge to cry was only getting worse.

"You know your dad and I actually took a few breaks within our relationship," my mom suddenly said.

I drew in a deep breath, "Yeah?" I whispered.

My mom hummed, "Oh yeah, no one's relationship is perfect. You're going to have ups and downs," she said as she leaned her head on my shoulder, "And while it was one of the hardest things I had gone through, I swear it was worth it in the end."

I shook my head slightly, "I just genuinely don't know if I can do this," I admitted, knowing that it had only been a few hours, but it already felt like days.

"You love her?"

"I'm in love with her," I didn't even hesitate to correct her.

My mom hummed, "So you'll do this for her. You'll do this for your future with her," she said as she gently guided my face away from my hands, "That's what we do for the people we love Mi."

I looked between my mom's comforting eyes, "What am I supposed to do in the meantime?" I questioned.

My mom pursed her lips, "Just wait—try your hardest to remain cordial and be her friend," she said, and I couldn't help the slight defeat that sunk inside of me.

But even still, I managed to nod, "Yeah, okay."

My mom suddenly picked her wine glass back up, "Guess I'm staying the night," she jokingly waved her glass at me, signaling that she'd had too many glasses to drive back.

I pursed my lips slightly, already feeling so fucking annoyed with how weirdly heavy my chest felt.

But even still, I managed to give in to my annoying emotions and say, "Can you watch a movie with me?"

My mom didn't hesitate to smile, clearly wanting nothing more in the world than to bond with me.

It was why I was closer with my dad and Mya was closer with my mom.

I wasn't the emotional type.

Nor the bonding type.

"Aw, of course, Mi—" my mom suddenly stood from her chair, "—I'll pop some popcorn and grab your favorite juice."

And even if smiling was the last thing I wanted to do—

A slow smile still managed to grow on my face.

So big that I considered what kind of person I had officially turned into.

"Want to watch one of your childhood favorites?" my mom questioned as she put the popcorn bag into the microwave.

I hummed, "I would want nothing more," I said as I stood from my chair.

And minutes later, we were spread out on the living room sectional under warm blankets as we ate popcorn and drank apple juice while watching Lilo and Stitch.

About halfway through the movie, I unconsciously laid my head in my mom's lap, easily causing her to play with my curls while we finished the rest of the nostalgic movie.

And while heading to Big Bear, seemed to be my own way of pushing everyone away to be alone.

My mom's presence seemed to fill a hole in my heart that only a parent's love could really do.

It not only gave me clarity, but it managed to soothe my internal dialogue.

Everything is going to be okay.

I don't care how long I have to wait until it will be.