Page 92 of HER SISTER

It was around two in the morning when I managed to wake from my light sleep.

I had honestly struggled to even fall asleep in the first place, which was rare when I was in Mili's arms.

I felt satisfied with the point I had made to Lana—and the lesson that I had given to Mili just a couple of hours ago.

Yet I still felt unsettled.

It was more about my girlfriend's past crowding up my brain.

That's normal right?

I mean, I trust her and I know that her past is in the past.

But...

It doesn't stop me from wondering about all the different girls she's been with.

I found myself feeling anxious about accidentally running into one of them.

Or imagining Mili being intimate with so many other people before me.

I mean I've always known about her past.

I knew what I was signing up for, but I guess the reality of it never seemed to catch up to me until this whole Lana situation happened.

I slowly sat up from Mili's chest—carefully sliding out of the warm bed at an excruciatingly slow pace.

Mili was possibly the lightest sleeper I know, so who's to say my efforts were even worth it.

As soon as my slippers were on, I instinctively grabbed a throw blanket to wrap around my body.

I didn't exactly know why, but I just needed to be outside.

I needed a breath of fresh air to calm my chaotic thoughts and possibly dig me out of the spiral that I had put myself in.

The LA air wasn't warm, but it wasn't cold.

It was more in the middle—but still chilly enough to clutch the blanket to my body.

The city line was as bright as ever as I got seated on the cushioned outdoor couch.

I honestly never took in the view of LA from Mili's loft, but it seemed to be absolutely breathtaking.

And it managed to somewhat distract me from all my overanalyzing thoughts.

At least I was the only girl that she ever had over here.

That's what kept running on a loop in my head, hoping to battle my own inner monologue.

Time seemed to morph into nothingness as I calmly admired the city in front of me.

Seeing a city so big filled with people who had bigger problems than me seemed to soothe my own overthinking.

"Ati?"

Almost immediately, my eyes darted over to the open door that Mili was now closing behind her.

My girlfriend's tired eyes seemed to analyze me entirely as she walked over to me.

"I didn't mean to wake you," I said as she sat down beside me.

Mili's brows furrowed, "I wish you would've tried to wake me," she countered back as she lifted up my blanket slightly, "What's going on?" she questioned as she slid under the blanket with me.

I shook my head, "Nothing," I said, knowing that I really didn't want to have this conversation with her again.

It would only reveal more of her hook-ups that I didn't want to hear about.

My girlfriend tilted her head as her dark eyes analyzed my face, "You don't just wake up in the middle of the night for nothing."

I pursed my lips, remaining completely silent as I stared forward at the bright city.

It was so weird to think that there was always someone doing something in this huge city while some of us slept.

I suddenly looked down to my lap that my girlfriend suddenly laid her head in.

Her bare face looked as glowy as ever as her dark eyes carefully stared up at me.

I couldn't possibly stop myself from reaching down to play with her dark hair.

"You're so beautiful."

My voice was so soft and calm—

But it still wasn't hard to hear how conflicted I was feeling.

Mili looked between my eyes, "Tell me what's bothering you," she murmured, gently running her fingertips up my arm before she said, "Please?"

And at her sudden tone shift, I felt something inside of me grow soft.

I sighed slightly, "I just..." I trailed off uneasily as I glanced away from her analyzing stare, "I can't stop thinking about your past," I breathed out.

And even hearing myself say it aloud, I automatically felt guilty, knowing that I didn't want to shame her for the life she lived before me.

I shook my head, "I'm sorry I don't know why I can't stop, I just—"

"Hey-hey," my girlfriend suddenly cut me short as she laid up from my lap.

And just like that, her face was barely centimeters from mine, looking carefully into my eyes as she said, "Don't ever apologize for your feelings."

I nodded slightly, letting out a small sigh of relief.

"I just don't want to shame you or anything," I whispered.

Mili suddenly cupped my cheek, "And I know that baby," she said, softening her tone as she pressed a brief kiss to my lips, "But you can always tell me how you feel. I don't ever want you to feel like your emotions aren't valid."

I felt my chest grow with a beautiful warmth, easily feeling reassured by her words.

"You have no idea how good that feels to hear," I forced out through a relieved sigh.

Mili hummed, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek before she said, "Talk to me baby."

And her words alone managed to send another wave of relief through my body—feeling so grateful for how understanding she is.

"I just... can't stop thinking about you with other people—or even the idea of us running into another girl that you slept with," I confessed in one nervous breath.

Mili nodded as she gently tucked my dark hair behind my ear, "I can't make the thoughts go away, or even promise you that we won't run into someone from my past—" she suddenly pressed a soft kiss to my lips before she said, "—But I can promise that I'm all yours. That I only think about you."

I smiled slightly as I instinctively slid my arms around her neck.

Her tone was so reassuring and soft, and her eyes held mine with such a raw vulnerability.

I could tell that my uneasiness genuinely bothered her.

"What makes me so special?" I suddenly whispered, and my softened voice was barely even audible—clearly embarrassed to even ask the question.

I knew I was beautiful—that I had an amazing personality along with a great sense of humor.

Apparently, I was really good in bed too, which I had grown to learn.

But it still didn't stop the question from taking up space in my head.

My girlfriend's lips suddenly pursed into a frown, clearly upset by my sudden question.

I blinked a few times, suddenly pulling back from her—easily feeling my walls shoot back up at an insane rate.

"I-uh just forget I asked," I forced out, suddenly feeling completely awkward.

Mili's frown only grew as she reached out for me, "Please don't do that," she whispered as she slid her arms around my waist.

And as our eyes held one another, the air between us managed to remain completely still and silent.

Well, until Mili managed to say, "I just..."

She suddenly sighed to herself, shaking her head with furrowed brows.

"I wish you could see what I see," she said.

I tilted my head slightly as Mili began gently running her hand up and down my back.

"You're just... you're so different to me, Ati," Mili suddenly murmured, holding my eyes as she managed to say, "Yeah, no one's perfect, but to me, it feels like you're perfect—like you're my perfect."

I felt my lips twitch up into a soft smile, taking her honest words so personally.

"It's not about the sex or how insanely beautiful you are—" she suddenly smiled slightly to herself, like her next words even made her feel a clear happiness, "—It's just our connection. How truly connected I feel with you. I've never felt it with anyone else, and I know I never will."

My soft smile grew into an even bigger smile, "That's such a beautiful way to put it Mi," I whispered, feeling completely speechless by her thoughtful words.

Mili's smile grew slightly, "I mean, your beautiful face and incredible personality are definitely a plus—we also can't leave out how skilled you are on your kne—"

"Okay, yeah, I think we get the point for sure," I suddenly cut her short, feeling my face grow warm with a sudden shyness.

Mili suddenly laughed, "You're so cute when you're shy," she said, suddenly leaning into me for a kiss that I didn't hesitate to reciprocate, "I love you," she murmured against my lips.

I hummed, "I love you too," I whispered as she pressed a soft kiss to my cheek.

"Let me take you out on a date tomorrow," Mili suddenly suggested before she managed to say, "Maybe it'll help you feel better."

I smiled slightly, "You already helped me feel so much better," I said, knowing that she managed to clear my doubts up so quickly that it almost gave me whiplash.

Mili only hummed, "Well, I want to make you feel even better," she said, clearly not giving me an option for the suggested date.

I laughed slightly, "Okay, I guess we can go out tomorrow," I said.

My girlfriend dramatically sighed, "Wow, you guess?" she said, clearly pretending to be offended.

I laughed again, "You know that's not how I meant it," I said, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

Mili only jokingly rolled her eyes, "Sounds like it to me."

I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck, "I would absolutely love to go on a date with you, Milan. I can't even believe I get the honor," I said, clearly joking, but I was partially serious at the same time.

I really am a lucky girl.

Mili slid her arms around my waist, "See, now that's more like it," she murmured, as she pulled me even closer to her warm body.