Page 40 of Fragments

I never would have known this before I got here, but trying to stay friends with someone you’ve fooled around with is sort of difficult. At least, it is for me. Maybe it’s because I’m not a very suave person, and when it comes to sexual relationships, I’m a total noob without a clue. But it’s weird for me to constantly be puttering around a person who’s seen me in alotof compromising positions.

Sex, or any variation of hooking up, is vulnerable for me. Because I don’t do it often, orever, really.

Another concept that’s completely foreign to Ren.

For him, hooking up is detached, meaningless. Strictly physical. He claims it wasn’t like that with us, but I believe that like I believe the Earth is flat.

Regardless of how long it’s been since it happened, every time I see him now, I’m reminded of how it felt when he wrestled me into submission, literally and figuratively. Not only that, I also can’t look at his face without remembering how goddamnstupidhe made me feel for trusting him even when I knew it was only going to fuck me up.

Out of his cell, Ren pauses to shoot me a wide-eyed flash of blue, and in the interest of being friendly, I give him a quick nod. Then I skirt around him, catching up to Joy and Kang while ignoring the gaze I can feel on my back like a warm body standing directly behind me.

The five of us walk the long corridors, through doors that bring us lower and lower in the building. The clomps of our footsteps and clinking of our cuffs are joined by Ren and Dash mumbling to each other behind me. I’m trying hard to ignore it, but that whisper of jealousy is like a loud, nagging voice in my ears.

What the hell are they so chatty for? Reminiscing about their little rendezvous in the dark room?

Clenching my jaw, I decide to overpower the sound of them whispering sweet nothings to one another by talking to Joy.

We finally reach the rec room, and I scamper inside the giant space, making a beeline for the one shoddy old basketball. Ren follows me while Joy and Kang go to the other side of the room and begin taping up their knuckles. The two of them have their own prerogative down here, which is to spar and practice Tae Kwon Do, a shared hobby of theirs. They’re both really good, and sometimes I like to watch them kick and punch each other.

But today, I’m in the mood to blow off some steam with one of the only other activities offered in this dreary gymnasium. Basketball.

I’m not very good…Okay, I suck.I’m a gamer and computer wizard, so the fact that I’m terrible at sports is a fully justified stereotype. Still, it’s the only opportunity for exercise in this place, shy of push-ups and sit-ups, or maybe jogging around the room. I could punch the bag a few times… That might get out some of my buried aggression.

For now, I’ll just stick to basketball.

I dribble the ball a few times, passing it to Ren, who does the same. He’s much better than me. Actually, he’s damn good. He loves to play, and the only reason I can even attempt the game is thanks to him teaching me a thing or two.

Because we’refriends. It’s what friends do.

Ren passes the ball back to me, and I dart up the court toward the hoop, dribbling until I’m close enough to shoot. But Ren is fast, and really good at defense. He crowds me, getting all up in my space, then snatches the ball away, jumping to dunk.

He’s grinning up a storm, all proud of himself, while I roll my eyes.

“Get over yourself,” I mutter, and he chuckles, passing the ball to me.

My eyes scan the room for Dash as I bounce the ball. He’s standing over by the entrance awkwardly, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“Dash! Come on!” I call out to him while Ren tries to steal the ball again. “Cover this asshole for me.”

“In your dreams, bitches,” Ren laughs.

Dash still looks hesitant, and pretty exhausted, which reminds me of how little he’s been sleeping since he got back from solitary. In general, he doesn’t sleep much, but right now, you can tell he’s out of it.

Nonetheless, he jogs over to us, and I pass him the ball. He starts dribbling, weaving around Ren, and bounding toward the hoop, juking out of Ren’s cover just in time to shoot. The ball sinks through the hoop, sans net.

“Nice shot!” I cheer him on. “Wow, I’m glad we brought you. I’m not great, and Ren always beats me.”

Ren gives me a snide look. “Two against one isn’t exactly fair, though.”

He tugs his shirt over his head, and I do the same, to avoid getting it sweaty. “Shut up. Don’t be a baby.” I purse my lips at him to contain my grin, and he beams.

I don’t want to admit it, because where would that get me? But I missed spending time with him. I miss havingfunwith him… As friends. Despite all the nonsense of the past, I’ve always liked hanging out with Ren, playing around and beingnormal. We get so few of these moments. When they present themselves, I can’t help wanting to take full advantage.

The three of us dribble around and shoot for a while, running and passing, jumping and dunking. Well,Ren’sdunking. He’s the only one who knows how, though Dash comes close a few times. It’s fun, and I’m having a blast. We’re all laughing and talking trash, pausing once in a while to watch Joy and Kang kick the shit out of each other—in a nice way.

We’re beating Ren, but not by much, because Dash is carrying the team. Our collective huffing breaths and sneakers clapping on the concrete floor echo as I get the ball and dart toward the hoop. I dodge Ren a few times, but he’s really all over me. More than before. His defense is slipping from casually rambunctious to downright stifling, and I’m getting too hot.

He’s touching me too much… pressing his body into mine.