Page 116 of Fragments

I guess we are friends…

We’re friends because of Lex. He’s like the glue that holds everything together. He doesn’t deserve to feel like this dumpy moron has any sort of advantage over him. He’s just one of many placeholders; people I force myself to tolerate because it’s better than being alone—is it?—when I can’t have the one person I really want.

But it doesn’t matter, because I’ll take him over anyone else in the world, any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I know I’m at fault in this too, not just Gage. But I beat his ass before for insulting Lex, and there’s no reason I shouldn’t do the same thing on behalf of myself.

“That’s so sweet,” Gage taunts. “You two boyfriend and girlfriend now? How do you decide which one bends over when you’re both bottoms?”

I don’t even have time to react before Dash throws a swift fist at Gage’s face.

Whoa…My eyes widen as Gage stumbles backward. But then he lunges at us, and I block Dash with my body.

The crazed shouts of other inmates immediately come from all sides, distracting me enough for Gage to nail me in the gut. It only pisses me off more and I straighten, shooting three jabs right at his nose in rapid succession. He’s disoriented, which is my opportunity to hit him with a left hook.

Dash is wailing on Benson in my peripheral, and it has me grinning. Until Rook, Velle, and Joy storm into the room, weapons in hand and immense displeasure on their faces.

Velle roars at everyone, and I flinch, peeking at Dash. Of course, he’s the first to be cuffed, since apparently he just can’t stay out of trouble. But he doesn’t look worried in the slightest about going back to solitary.

He nods at me, and I nod back while Rook cuffs me, and Velle cuffs Gage and Benson.

“Gonna be a packed house in the hole tonight, shit for brains!” Velle barks at us as Joy helps me put my pants on.

“Deja vù, huh?” she mumbles, and I shake my head while they drag us all out of the showers.

“Your dick comes near me again,” I whisper to Gage on our way out, “and I’ll bite it off. That’s a motherfucking promise.”

Nothing like two days in solitary to clear your mind and give you some fresh perspective.

Don’t get me wrong, when Jasper comes to take me out, I’m so hungry he looks like a walking slice of pizza, and my teeth are in desperate need of a thorough brushing. But other than that, I spent the entire time in the hole thinking, and now, I’m uncharacteristically determined.

The reason I act on impulse so much is because, if I stop and think, I’m bombarded with insecurities that usually send me into a depression spiral. But for the first time in a long time, I couldn’t avoid them. I had no distractions, no way out. I wastrappedin a small, dark room with nothing but my thoughts, and once I got past the initial torment of it, I came to some really solid conclusions.

The main one being that I need to see Lex.Right away.

I need to apologize to him. I know my apologies don’t really mean shit to anyone, especially him, but this one is a little different. I’m not doing it because I feel like it’s what he wants to hear.

I’m doing it for the sake of our friendship, and for myself. Whether he believes me or not, I’m going toapologizefor making him uncomfortable and playing head games, and I’m going to mean it.

I know I can do this.

On my way out of solitary row, I try peeking into the tiny windows of the other cells to see if Dash is still down here. I assume he might be, since I didn’t hear anyone else leave yet. But I’m also a little worried, because based on the noises I heard last night, someone got fucked in one of these cells. Someone got fuckedreal good.

It was too far off to tell if it was Dash, but it kinda sounded like it might have been… And it also sounded like he might’ve enjoyed it.

Hey, none of my business. I just hope he’s alright, and he’s taking my advice, learning to find his truth in all this darkness.

I guess I should be taking my own advice on that one, too.

Jasper lets me stop off to brush my teeth before bringing me to the cafeteria for lunch. I get there feeling somehow tired and wired at the same time. And even though I’m fuckingstarvingand my stomach is eating itself alive, I forgo grabbing my food and make a beeline right to our table.

Right to Lexington.

“Hey.” I crash into the seat next to him, nodding at Kang real quick.

“Holy shit, are you alright?” Lex asks, eyes wide. “We heard you and Dash were in a fight in the showers…”

“Yea… We sorta took on Gage together.” I chuckle at the memory of me and Dash fighting side-by-side. “Dash is… He’s a really cool guy.” Lex’s lips quirk, but it falls away when I face him fully, getting all serious. “Look, there’s something I need to talk to you about. And I know you might not want to hear it, but I just need to get this off my chest…”

He looks a bit startled, but he nods hesitantly. “Okay…”