Page 150 of Fragments

He didn’t say it either…

And as I walk away, back to my cell, I’m praying his silence wasn’t the truth.

You never notice how much time there truly is until it’s all you have.

When things are good, it goes by too fast. When they’re not, you feel every aching second.

I still haven’t seen Ren for more than a few minutes here and there. And of course, those minutes flew by in an eye-blink. The rest of it is all just prison life, killing me slowly with boredom.

But I’m trying to stay positive. I’m trying desperately to keep up hope that this will pass. That this stupid freeze-out will eventually thaw, and they’ll realize that keeping me and Ren apart is unnecessary.

A new inmate came in yesterday. His name is Byron. Byron Kang. He seems cool.

He sat with me at lunch, most likely because he saw an empty table and a non-threatening depressed dude sitting alone, with zero visible interest in fucking with him. We chatted for a few minutes, and it felt good to talk to someone again.

Living alone, being back to no friends and no would-be relationship, has been the most isolating time of my life. I don’t even have technology to keep me company, like when I was younger. It’s just me, myself and I, the lonely loser trifecta.

It’s time for showers, but a fight in the row holds everyone up. Nieves is scrapping with Simmons over God knows what, and it takes three guards and a lot of tasing to subdue the idiots. By the time they’re finally bringing us to the showers, over an hour has passed. I’m frazzled and tired and I just want to wash my damn balls.

Sauntering inside, I grab a towel and head to the cluster of showers I usually use. I hear moans, paired with the distinct skin-slapping that almost always means fucking, and I roll my eyes to myself, hoping some assholes aren’t taking up my area with their rapey shenanigans.

But when I step around the corner, my feet skid to a halt. My stomach binds up tight and it kills, like a cramp so profound, all the air squeezes right out of my lungs.

No…

My eyes widen. They stare, unable to look away.

No… Ren.

He’s here. Ren ishere, in the showers. With some guys. And he’s…

No… Why…?

They’re doing exactly what you’d expect, and my first instinct is to feel so achingly fuckingstupidfor reacting the way I am.

No, Ren… Stop…

The way my heart is lurching up into my throat, making me gag, and the tears trying to push out of my eyes like idiotic, worthless dribbles of water.

“Fuck yea…”

No no no… No.

All I want to do is fuckingleave. Just turn andrunaway as fast as possible, but my damn body is frozen solid. Like I’m in some form of purgatory, witnessing the guy I thought I might…Oh, God, I can’t breathe… being filled with random cock from way too many angles.

No, but… No. Why??

The groans and pants and sounds of wet fucking seem to go on for hours with me juststandingthere, being forced to watch it because my goddamn legs are broken. Really, it’s no more than a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity… Until Ren notices me.

And then time speeds back up to ultrafast.

Stupid fucking idiot… Why are you so upset?? You knew this would happen.

Just turn around and LEAVE.

The thing is, Ren doesn’t react the way a guy normally would when getting caught cheating. He just stops what he’s doing and kind of stares at me. And yea, he does look upset. In fact, he looks devastated. Shame and guilt, anguish and remorse practically seeping from his pores.

But he doesn’tdoanything about it. He doesn’t call out to me and scream that he’s sorry. He doesn’t even move from where he’s still getting fucked in half by Percy fucking Gage and his dipshit asshole bitch bastard fucking friends.