Page 32 of Fragments

But it’s the fact of the matter. They’ve only spent likea daytogether, and already Lex is attached to him, missing him when he’s gone like Siamese twins split down the middle. It’s obnoxious.

Inever got that. I had to work for every single drop of attention he’s ever given me. I’ve had to dig and dig at his layers to unearth even thetiniestof affections, but Dash just gets it, right away, just by being him.

Fuck ’em both. They can be two aloof dickheads together forever, sailing off into the oblivious sunset.

Plopping down in an empty seat at a different table, I squeeze my eyes shut tight and try to breathe. This is all so annoying. I hate this. I hate that I’m still grovelingyearslater, when in truth, it’s not my fault. What happened between Lex and me was inevitable, and I told him that.

At least, I think I did. I can’t really remember now… It was all such a haze.

“Hey, sweetheart,” a voice rumbles at my right, and my eyes peel open. “What’s got you down?”

My face slants, and I lock eyes with Percy Gage, this big asshole I don’t really like, though I’ve found myself underneath on more than one occasion, when I’m bored, or restless, or… frustrated by certain other inmates.

“I’m just… upset,” I hum, blinking at his face while his eyes linger on my mouth. “I think it’s the anniversary of my little brother’s death. He was killed in a car accident when he was only two.”

“Sad story,” Percy murmurs, either not believing my words or not giving a shit. Probably a little of both. “Why don’t you find a way to get me into your cell tonight…” He scoots closer, sliding a large hand onto my lower back. “I’ve got something to help you forget.”

Oh, do you?I sigh sarcastically in my mind.

My gaze drifts back over to my usual table. Lex is tearing bread off his sandwich, stuffing it into his mouth. We make eye contact for a split second before he looks away.

Twisting my fingers in my lap, I pick at some skin around my fingernail. “Sounds fun,” I mumble to Percy with his fingertips gliding into my pants, teasing down to the crack of my ass.

“Good boy.” He pulls his hand away, but not without first grabbing a fistful of my hair and yanking it until I wince.

It’s all part of the burn.

Just another fresh plunge into my skin.

Thank God for Joy.

I can barely walk this morning after Gage practically split me open last night, so she brought me an ice pack to hold between my legs. And she did it without expecting a damn thing in return.

Not that I would be able to give her anything, anyway. I have nothing to trade, and as cool a chick as she is, I find the idea of lady parts rather off-putting. Granted, I don’t usually put my dick in men either. I’m a power bottom, through and through. But even if by some twist of fate I were to find myself fucking a woman, I justknowI’d spend the entire time reaching for a dick that isn’t there.

I officially came out when I was a teenager, but I’ve always known I was gay. My first crush was on Superman when I was nine.The cartoon, not Henry Cavill. Though, let’s be real… I’d let Henry into literally anywhere in my body he could think to put it.Girls have kissed me before, in junior high and high school, at parties and whatnot. I guess back then I didn’tseem gay—whatever that means.

Regardless, it did nothing for me.I need the aggression and inherent thoughtlessness that only men can provide.

All that said, I’m kind of lamenting my sexual preference right now…

I just don’t see a scenario in which a woman could debilitate me the way Percy fucking Gage did last night.

The soreness in my lower half matches the ache in my chest. And all the obsessing over my fight with Lex has topped off this miserable morning with a throbbing migraine attacking my temples. So I opt to skip breakfast, staying in my cell and drowning my sorrows in chocolate chip mini muffins while watching movies on the iPad.

I’ll keep trying to convince myself the body pains have me holed up in here, not the fact that I’m avoiding Lex and Byron. I don’t want to admit it, but the thought of facing them is bumming me out way more than my swollen undercarriage.

The stuff with Lex is complicated, and it never won’t be, but I’m used to Byron being on my side. We have a good relationship. Or at least, wedid. Now it seems like he’s starting to hate me as much as Lex does.

The whole thing makes me want to hurt myself so damn bad, but all I have is—

Hobbling off my bed, I grab a piece of drawing paper, swiping it hard and fast along my wrist. The papercut stings, but it’s nowherenearas satisfying as it would be if I could draw actual blood.

It’s just so frustrating. I want the pain… Ineedthe release.

Slashing again and again with the paper, I mark myself up with little bullshit cuts, whimpering as I go.

You deserve this.