Page 230 of Fragments

Of course Velle is stillhere. His team, the familiar faces who have guarded us for years, are still around. But they’re being constantly undermined and disregarded by the Warden’s new army, making everything so very uncomfortable.

If tension was visible, it’d be like a thick smog in the air, clouding around us and suffocating the air out of our lungs. The divide is palpable. It hasn’t been that long, but it feels like a decade has passed already, and I just don’t think I can stomach much more of this.

Accepting life here and surviving was all well and good when it was minutely tolerable. Butnow, I just don’t see how I can keep this up.

Without Ren, I feel like I’m drowning.

Joy pops her head into the room, eyes landing on me before she casually strolls inside, as if she was specifically checking for me. The new guards, Equino, Pedroia, and Cruz—I only know their names from the tags on their lapels—are circling the room like sharks, shooting her looks that she shoots right back, striding nonchalantly over to me.

She drops her hand onto the table by my tray. Shooting me a wink, she pinches my cheek, then saunters off to grab food for the inmates in solitary. I’m able to smile just a bit, though it’s definitely strained and sad, watching her leave without so much as a word.

Fuck, I hate this fucking place.

Waiting until the douche-roombas are far enough away, I slide my tray aside to reveal a small, folded piece of paper. I check on them one more time before opening it up to read.

He’s doing fine.

Just that one line has me sighing out of relief as I read on.

Still in the East. A little tired, but he’s cracking jokes.

He wanted me to tell you Happy Thanksgiving, and he looks forward to your stuffing.

Ew. I can’t believe he actually got me to write that.

I chuckle quietly to myself, biting down on my trembling lower lip.

He loves you and misses you… I won’t lie, he’s really sad, but I don’t want you to worry. We’re looking out for him as best we can.

Just stay strong, lil Luthy. We’re gonna figure this shit out.

Burn after reading.

LOL jk. No but seriously. You’re gonna have to eat this note. Sorry, dawg.

Breathing out steadily, I fight back the tears, using every ounce of strength I can muster to push off the breakdown that’s been wanting to swallow me up for weeks. I crumple the note into a little ball and soak it with juice from my Hi-C juice box, mushing it up into a puddle of sludge.

Because yea, no. I’m not actually going to eat it.

Dread has retreated just a fraction, knowing that Ren’s okay. I’ve seen him only once since the day he was ripped from my hands. A couple of weeks ago, when Rook brought him up to shower with us, claiming the one downstairs wasbroken. It was simultaneously the best and worst moment of my life. Because I was so motherfuckinghappyto see him, it was like my heart was exploding. But also, we couldn’t talk, or touch. We were left juststaringat one another, mouthing things and shivering in need while we watched each other wash up.

The literal second I got back to my cell, I was jerking off so furiously, I came all over the place in less than a minute.

The thing, the mess our lives have become is doing more than just depressing me down to my core. It’s sparked a roar of determination within me. Maybe I work better under pressure, who knows.

But every waking moment I spend in my cell is now dedicated to solving this problem… And I’m fucking close.

So close I cansmellit.

When our silent meal is finished, the assholes bring us back to our cells. I pass Kang in the hall, and it doesn’t exactly surprise me to find him walking beside Trevel. The new guards broke everyone up into smaller groups, so I don’t see him that often. Not that we could talk even if we wanted to, which I’m sure he still doesn’t. But his eyes do linger on mine for a moment while we walk in opposite directions, and I don’t see as much loathing as I did the last time we spoke.

Turning over my shoulder, I watch him disappear through the doors. As much as I dislike Trevel, I guess I’m just glad Kang has someone.

Going it alone is a real gut-punch.

Pedroia pushes open the door to the row and we all file through. But I pause when I see Velle coming out of Ren’s cell with a bag. He gives me a brief look and a subtle nod before stomping past us, shouldering into Pedroia on his way out.

I smirk to myself while the big asshole seethes.