Page 154 of Fragments

But what else can I say? I fucked up, just like I knew I would. I hurt him, just like we all knew I would.

And there’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing but live with myself and my mile-high pile of mistakes; its own form of torture within these walls.

The door opens, and Velle clomps in, ready to bring us to lunch. But he has a bag in his hand, which he shoves at me.

“You remembered my birthday?” I grin, snatching it up and peeking inside. “Aw, Jonathan. You shouldn’t have.”

“Shut up, Ren,” he sighs, tired and grumpy, which is his personality eighty percent of the time. “No time for dillydallying. Let’s go.”

I pout, giving one last look to my special bag of tattooing supplies before setting it down on the bed and following him out into the row. I’ll have to check everything out later. I’ve been dying to get my hands on the necessary tools to start tattooing in here. After a lot of convincing, Velle finally caved and got it for me, and I’m super excited. I’ve never actually tattooed before, but I can draw so I figure, how hard could it be? I’ll learn as I go; I just need to find some willing participants who will let me practice on them.

I’m so busy thinking about all this that I barely even notice Joy is also out here, gathering the rest of the inmates… Fromthisrow. Which includes the new guy, Byron…

And his pal Luthor.

My gut flops in nerves and excitement, joy and pain. But when he sees me, I’m getting nothing but negative stuff from Lex. Hatred, betrayal, disgust.You know… The regulars.

I haven’t seen Lex much since that day in the showers. It’s been a few weeks, but that look on his face still remains forever up in my mind, like a poster on your bedroom wall.

I did try speaking to him once… Jasper let me stand outside his cell for a few minutes. Needless to say, Lex wanted no part of my apology, and I don’t blame him one bit. I mean, I willingly hurt him.

In a way, I feel like it was beyond my control… But still, that doesn’t make me any less of a raging scumbag.

So it would appear we’ve moved on from those blissful months, during which I honest to God thought the whole thing might work out. And yes, I’m miserable without him. But like any addict, I fill every second of silence with my drug of choice, in order to avoid ever having to think about what a fucking monster I am.

It works well enough. When it doesn’t, I write him letters.Like the one I have in my pocket.

I doubt he’s read any of them, but I still bribe inmates to pass them to him like we’re kids in detention. I imagine him doing lots of things with them, and reading is pretty low on the list.

Lex purposely ignores me while the group of us trudges through the halls. It’s weird to be around him again… I guess they’re done keeping us apart, now that we’re no longer an almost-item. At first, it seemed kind of baffling that the Warden had actually instructed the guards to keep us from seeing each other. But the more time has gone on, the more I think it makes perfect sense.

Manuel Blanco isn’t just running a prison. This entire place is like one big game to him, and I wouldn’t put it past him to pull a power move and separate two of the key players.

I’m lingering behind Byron and Lex, holding Parker’s hand to keep him close to me. But my eyes are glued to the back of Lexington’s head.God, I used to love kissing his neck. His skin is baby soft, and it smells so damn good… Like the sexy, sweet innocence of a boy who should have run far in the opposite direction.

“Ren, slow down,” Parker whines at my side, stumbling to keep up with me.

“Sorry…” I mutter, not wanting him to fall or anything, but also just needing to be as close to Lex as humanly possible without actually touching him.

I’m still staring when I see his eyes shift.

“Stop looking at me, Ren,” he growls, and my heart nearly bursts when he says my name.

“It’s a free country,” I mumble, knowing full well he’ll hate that response.

And sure enough, he slows, face flinging so he can glare at me. He looks like he’s about to chew me out, but then Byron clears his throat. Lex’s shoulders drop a bit, and he just rolls his eyes, facing forward once more.

I narrow my gaze at Byron from behind. I don’t know the guy too well, but we’ve talked a few times. He’s very quiet, but in his limited words, he expressed his loyalty to Luthor, while also adding that he has no desire to be a middleman in ourgay prison drama.

If you’re looking to avoid gay drama, you came to the wrong prison,Byron Kang.

In the caf, I grab trays for Parker and myself, and when I go to sit down, I find him seated at our usual table with Lex and Byron.

Looks like the gang’s back together again. Except that Byron has taken Toby’s place, and honestly, I’m okay with it. Byron is way hotter.

Slithering into a seat next to our sexy new friend, I slide Parker his tray, my eyes naturally fixed on Lex, who’s diagonally across from me making extreme efforts not to glance in my direction. I peek at Parker, and he shrugs, a look I assume means Lex begged him to sit there so I couldn’t.

Sighing out a strained breath, I peer down at my lunch. “This sandwich actually doesn’t look half ba—”