Page 132 of Fragments

“I can’t,” I whimper, pressure in my head building to a swift migraine.

“Why not??” he hisses. “Why the fuck can’t you at leasttry?”

My lips tremble, fighting to hold in the words.

I don’t think you’re crazy… Wanting to escape isn’t the crazy thing.

The crazy thing is wanting to stay.

“Because…” I whisper, sorrowfully. “Ican’tleave…”

Because there’s more than just fear of the unknown holding me here…

There’s a piece of me in this prison…sitting in the cell at the end of the row.

I think Dash realizes what I’m saying without words, the frustration on his face fading as his hands slip away from my shoulders.

The Luthor from five years ago would have gone with him in a heartbeat. Back then, I wouldn’t have cared about risking death. Getting out of here,freedom, would be well worth the gamble of my life.

But it’s not just me anymore…

No matter how toxic it is, how codependent and confusing and downright fucking stupid, I could never leave Ren.Ever.

I’ll be right here in this prison for as long as he’s here. I’ll fucking die here in this concrete tomb, with him.Because I know he would do the exact same thing for me.

Dash stares at me, and I stare back, both of us just silently breathing. Living in the truth of all this…

Prison, inside and out.

He nods in understanding, pulling me into a tight embrace. My friend hugs me hard, arms around my shoulders while mine slink around his waist to hold him back.

I don’t want to lose him…

I don’t want to lose another friend, but I especially don’t want to loseDash.

Sometimes souls find each other on purpose. The universe is not random. Things happen the way they’re supposed to, based on chemical reactions, the buzz of electric alchemy in this giant cosmic experience.

Dash came into my life only two months ago, and I can say with full certainty that I love him, deeply, as a friend. Asfamily. Just like Toby, Parker, and Landon, may they rest…

Like Byron.

And Ren.

They’re not perfect, but they’remyfriends, and I love them.

I don’t know what makes Dash feel so confident that he can pull off what no inmate has ever successfully done, but forhim, I’ll hold out hope. I’ll fight the skepticism, the cynicism, and be optimistic for him. Because I don’t want him to die.

If I have to lose him, let it be to chance, not this fucking island.

“You’re my best friend, Luthor,” he whispers in my ear.

I nod with my face in his neck, holding back the tears as best I can.Stay positive for him.

Pulling from his embrace, I lock our eyes. “Regardless of how fucked up it is, I’m glad you came here. I’m glad I got to meet you.”

He shows me a small smile, and I smile back.

I’m selfish. I don’t want this to be goodbye…