Page 69

“Let’s talk about the plan one last time before you’re discharged, yeah?” Dr. Gillispie encourages.

I’ll be honest, after nearly five months in the hospital, I’m nervous to leave. It’s like I’m wrapped in a bubble, where the outside world can’t touch me. No media, no influences, no stressors. Just me, my thoughts, and therapy.

“Staying with my parents. Outpatient sessions with you twice a week. Taking it slow and focusing on my mental health.”

“Great. Now, let’s talk about your friends and Ash.”

I sigh, “What about them?”

“Do you plan to see them? Our last family session, your mother was very concerned about you reconnecting with the people of your past.”

“She’s going to have to get over it. I told her that. These friends, they’re more than that. They’re like brothers to me. I’m not letting that go just because my mom is scared that I might be triggered. Ash, on the other hand... That I am nervous about. ”

“Why?”

“I still can’t stop thinking about if my mother was right. What if she doesn’t want to see me? What if all she can see is a killer?”

“There’s only one way to find out, but Oliver, you need to do that only when you are ready. Don’t force it. Make sure that whatever the outcome is, that you can handle it.”

I nod, gnawing on my lip.

“Dude! Welcome home!” Hypnos slaps my back, pulling me into a hug.

“After being stuck in a bus with you guys for six months, I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t tell you how badly I’ve wanted to see your dumb ass faces.” I laugh.

“You look good, man.” Than squeezes my shoulder.

“What do we call you now?” Koke asks awkwardly.

“Oliver or Khaos?” Than wonders.

“Khaos.” I say with certainty. “Oliver doesn’t exist anymore.”

“He does to me!” My mother’s voice cuts through my bandmates.

“Yeah, yeah.” I wave her off. “He exists only to my mother.”

She ushers us into the basement, carrying with her trays of food.

I feel like I’m sixteen and having friends over, something I think I would have done if I were still at home.

It’s all a little weird, seeing as I'm twenty-four now and have lived on my own for a long time, but I let her get it all out, doting on us.

“Thanks, mom.” I grab the trays from her and place them on the coffee table between the couch and the large screen TV my dad bought for football games .

“Whatever you guys need, just let me know. I’m right upstairs.” She reminds us as if we weren’t already hyperaware of her presence.

“Dude, your mom is on one.” Koke laughs after she disappears up the stairs.

“She never got to do any of this, I think she feels like I’m still a teenager. Like our lives paused when I left, now she’s picking up where we left off.” I explain to them.

“That has got to be hard.” Than tosses a piece of cubed cheese in his mouth.

“It’s certainly not easy.” I mutter.

“I couldn’t do it. Move back in with my mom. Not with my lifestyle.” Hypnos says.

“No, I can’t imagine it would go over well with Amy finding you bending Sam over the counter in the kitchen, fucking her from behind.” Koke snorts, his hands out in front of him and his hips thrusting the air.

“You’re still seeing Sam?” Hypnos nods, answering my question. “Has anyone talked to Ash?”

They all look at each other before Hypnos responds. “Yeah, we’ve talked to her.”

“Please! Be as vague as possible. I’m not dying over here of a fucking heartbreak or anything.” I growl.

“She’s... okay.” Hypnos shrugs.

Just okay... That could mean anything.

“Elaborate.”

“I don’t know, man. Sam said she’s had a tough time after getting back to work. She’s... different. Not herself. Swears like a pissed off trucker now.”

The corner of my lip twitches at the thought but knowing that Ash has lost a piece of herself stings.

“Is she seeing anyone?” My breath is caught in my throat, the seconds ticking by without an answer drag on for what feels like forever.

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Than waves his hand, brushing the question away.

“You don’t think so?” I repeat his answer, my heart pounding loudly in my ears.

Hypnos cracks open a Mountain Dew, my mom refusing to let us drink anything harder than caffeine on her watch, and sighs before saying, “She hasn’t talked about it to anyone, but from what Sam says, she’s still hung up on you.”

Suddenly the death grip around my heart starts to loosen, my lungs finally accepting air again. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, man.” Hypnos confirms, slapping a hand on my knee.