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Ash denies at the same time I answer. I throw her an aggravated look because she knows there is, whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, it’s still a thing .

“Well? Which is it?” She stands there with her hand on her hips, staring at Ash.

She’s officially in the hot seat now. I watch her face contort with conflict, wondering what to tell her best friend.

Surely, she won’t tell the truth because those blue eyes swirl with deception.

She’s barely even accepted the thing between us to herself, so I can’t imagine she’ll be admitting it to anyone else.

“It’s nothing. Really. It’s hard not to get close when you spend every waking minute together for days on end.” She laughs uncomfortably.

I cock my head to the side with a chuckle.

How predictable, Ash.

She avoids my stare as if it holds the power to force the truth from her.

I can feel the aggravation grating on my sternum, shredding it slowly.

She never told Sam about us, about how she lost her virginity to the lead singer of Night’s Deadly Deeds while tripping on molly.

That was nearly two months ago. The omission snowballing into something too big to admit now.

Sam reads my face like an open book, then turns back to Ash whose expression is blank, wondering if she believes there really isn’t anything between us.

“It’s getting close to midnight, yo! Let’s get going!” Koke rounds everyone up to head to the club, dropping his arm around Hailey’s shoulders.

The Uber drops us at the door with a neon sign that reads The Underground. Dull music thuds behind the brick wall and closed door. We skip past the line of people in trashy clothes and the bouncer that could rival any one of the WWE wrestlers.

Once the door opens, I’m nearly knocked on my ass by dubstep bouncing off the walls. I feel like my eardrums are being fucked out of my head. Not to mention there are bodies everywhere, grinding and sweating. At least with our concerts we’re on stage and away from the cesspool of creatures.

We slide into a VIP booth and order a bottle of tequila.

The girls are already drowning themselves in the music, their bodies moving together as if they themselves were deities.

My eyes are fixated on the blonde, watching her hand trail down her chest, feeling herself like the rhythm of the song has taken control.

Hypnos and Koke apparently have the hormones of a teenager because they’re already making their way over to them. I, however, don’t dance, but as I watch them rub up against one another I start perspiring with resentment. I can feel it like a cold, damp sweat post fever.

I find my feet inching towards them, ignoring my hatred for this type of thing, and come to the realization that only Ash knows how to force me to betray myself. I want to fill the space behind her, feel her body grind into mine while everyone watches.

Blue and red lights flash, blinding me every couple seconds, but I never lose sight of her. As I get within arm's reach, that space where my body is supposed to be is filled by another man. Stunned, I stand paralyzed as he digs his fingers into her bare waist, yanking her against him.

All of a sudden, the only thing I can hear is my heart thudding in my ears.

I can feel my blood boiling, searing through my veins into a painful sting.

It’s maddening, forcing me to do something completely irrational.

I don’t remember the moment between seeing this man with Ash and fisting his shirt before throwing him against the floor.

There was no mulling over my decisions, it was pure instinct.

My adrenaline rages as my knuckles bounce off of his face.

Blood sprays from his nose, like jumping in a puddle after a rainy day, splattering everywhere.

The asshole is stunned, just as I was moments before.

I sling my arm back, the man’s hands shoot up to block himself, but my fist never meets his face again.

My arms are restrained by Ash and Hypnos, the others stand by watching in horror.

That cold sweat returns tenfold now, like my body knows I’m losing it.

The lights are flashing all around me and the noise, it’s just so fucking loud!

I can feel my heart thrashing around inside my sternum and it’s making me sick.

Before I can even think of vomiting, Koke rips me away by the collar of my shirt with exasperation written all over his face. I have no choice but to follow him out the door and into the parking lot. He shoves me, forcing me to stumble back a few steps.

“What the fuck, dude?” His shouts sound muffled by the ringing in my ears.

I walk it off, pacing in circles, my hands behind my head as I try to breathe. As soon as my heart rate starts to calm down, the rest of the group comes storming over to us.

“What the hell is your problem?” Ash yells, echoing Koke’s unanswered question.

I can’t look at her, at the blonde angel who’s come to ruin me, to punish me for every sin I’ve ever committed.

I’ve never known a torture like the one that is to obsess over someone I can never have.

To care but to hate the way it feels. To want, after years of not needing.

To be vulnerable, after slathering my heart in concrete. God really loves irony.

“Let’s go.” Than growls as he stalks right passed me and down the street towards our Uber.

We’re back at the hotel in less than ten minutes, but that is all the time I need to normalize again. I can’t say the same for everyone else. I can feel the frustration radiating from the group, but not a single ounce of me gives a shit.

“That was so unnecessary.” Sam shakes her head at me.

I’m already riled up, the last thing I need is to hear Sam open her mouth. Too bad Ash hasn’t told her anything about me because then maybe she wouldn’t test my temper.

“What’s unnecessary is you being here.” I bite.

Ash shoves me, “You’re being such an ass!”

“What’s new?” I snap back at her.

“We were in there for an hour, Khaos! What the hell, man? We get one night. One night to do something normal and you have to fuck it up!” Koke’s yelling now.

“Can we just maybe calm down?” Hailey chimes in.

“It’s not my fault, some asshole was groping you. Sorry for stepping in.” I snark at Ash.

She rolls her eyes, “He wasn’t groping me. We were dancing. It’s a dance club.”

“What does it matter to you?” Sam stalks toward me, her arms crossed over her chest. “This was the first time I’ve seen Ash really let loose. She’s always so focused on her work and hasn’t had time to focus on herself. She’s never even had a boyfriend for God sakes!”

Ash cringes, placing her hand on her friend’s arm to subtly ask her to stop. “Sam.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s true! You need to get over your own shit. Live a little! Find a cute guy and fuck around for once in your life! It can’t always just be about work!” She pleads for Ash to understand.

“She has no problem fucking around,” Kokytos mutters under his breath.

“Koke!” Hailey hisses, chastising him.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Sam snaps, twisting around to glare at him.

“Why don’t you ask Ash?” He nods his head towards her.

As if on cue, her face flushes bright pink, flooding down her neck and to her chest. My favorite tell. The one that makes her so obvious like a neon sign that reads LIAR.

“Can we just drop it?” Her voice is meek and drained.

“No. What aren’t you telling me, Ash?” She pushes.

“Are you going to tell her, or should I?” I really want to, just to see the disappointment on Sam’s face.

“Ash.” Sam begs, gripping her arm with both of her hands.

I watch as my girl’s mouth pops open, nothing coming out.

“Come on, Ash.” I goad teasingly.

Sam’s eyes flick my way, swirling with confusion, hurt, and betrayal. I’ve already made it a goal to break that confidence and with my track record tonight, it looks like I’ll succeed. Knowing more about Ash than her own best friend inflates my ego more than fame ever could.

“We... hooked up. It was nothing. Clearly not worth mentioning.” She finally says, brushing the whole subject off.

Sam’s face falls, hurt written all over it, even though Ash is trying to make it sound like it’s not a big deal.

“What’s your definition of hooked up?” She asks.

Everyone is quiet as they wait to hear what Ash is going to say next. I’m assuming it will be another lie because it’s her favorite thing to do, especially to herself .

The tension in the room grows like a balloon, stretching and stretching and stretching with air until it pops.

“Can someone please just say it? I’m obviously the only one here who has no idea what’s going on and I find that pretty insulting.” She barks.

I decide to put her out of her misery since Ash doesn’t have the guts to do it. “She gave me her virginity, but clearly that’s not worth mentioning to her best friend.”

Ash squeezes her eyes shut, wishing this would all go away, but what she needs to realize is it all started because of her.

And for some dumb fucking reason, I just want her to admit it.

For once, I want to hear her acknowledge that she let me take something precious of hers.

To know that I’m not the only one affected here.

“Oof.” Hypnos cringes.

Sam nods her head a few times before the tears start rolling.

“Sam.” Ash pleads, but her friend is already heading towards the door.

“I’ll make sure she gets home safe.” Hypnos says before chasing after her.

“Way to ruin another night.” Ash berates, shouldering past me into one of the bedrooms.