Page 54

Chapter Twenty-Five

Khaos

F uck.

“Say something!” She cries, panic lacing her tone.

“What do you want me to say?”

Her jaw drops, but her words struggle to break free. By not immediately denying the accusation in the article, I’ve already told her everything she needs to know.

Ash's chest moves with rapid breaths, the palm of her hand flying to her forehead as if she’s testing for a fever.

Little by little, I watch her world fall apart as if every single star above is dropping from the sky around her.

The fiery balls of rain blinding her to everything that’s led up to this moment.

I inch forward, but she keeps the distance with a step back. The blue in her eyes glitter behind a well of tears that take nothing but a small shake of her head to fall. Without even blinking, steady streams cascade down her cheeks.

“No.” She whispers, shaking her head. “No. Oliver is dead. We buried him. He’s gone.”

“He is dead. He died the day he disappeared. I’m all that’s left now. ”

“I don’t understand.” Her lips quiver and I try to take another step forward.

“After everything I’ve done, Ash, I couldn’t come back.”

She stares at me incredulously, “I mourned you. So many people mourned you.”

Finally, she allows the gap between us to shrink, my toes touching hers.

“I’m so sorry.”

“This whole time you knew. When I walked into that barn five months ago, you knew who I was.”

I nod, chewing my bottom lip.

“And you treated me like shit.”

“When I first saw you, I thought the universe was playing morbid tricks on me. There wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t think about you, Ash.

It was on the worst days that I thought of you the most, on days where all I wanted was to die, but you were always there to keep me from fading away.

By the time I became Khaos, those days were too many to count, and I slowly began to resent you. ”

A pained whimper tumbles from her lips as she uses her sleeve to wipe tears away from her face.

“I didn’t want to be found. I wanted Oliver to stay dead, I wanted my past to be forgotten and you were a blaring reminder of who I used to be.

” I cup the sides of her face and she closes her eyes to hide from me.

“Ash, I’ve loved you since I kissed you that day in the woods ten years ago.

It just took me some time to wade through my own shit before I could see you for who you always were. ”

“And who’s that?” She whispers through a tortured frown.

“Mine.”

My mouth descends on hers, the salty taste of despair staining her lips.

I can feel her uncertainty, the chaos swirling inside of her with every touch between us and I couldn’t hate anything more.

Her lips feel stiff as if she’s kissing a stranger causing panic to sear its way down my throat and into my bloodstream.

She pulls away and it hurts, it hurts so fucking much.

“You let me fall in love with you when I didn’t even know who you were.

You let me pour my heart out time and time again, crying over you, the loss of you, and you did nothing to save me from that heartache.

Instead, you let me fall for this false persona of you, thinking what? That I would never find out?”

“I wanted to tell you so many times. I just didn’t know how.”

Another sob wracks her body, shaking violently beneath my arms as I refuse to let her go. Brushing her hair back, I lay a kiss on her forehead, ignoring the heated gazes from both Sam and Hypnos.

“Ash, I’m so sorry that this is how you’re finding out, but it doesn’t change anything.” She avoids the fear in my eyes. “Look at me.” I wait until she hesitantly brings those glossy blue pools to meet my amber stones. “I love you.”

With a rough shove, she detaches herself from me, the movement plays out in slow motion. The distance she creates feels like a limb being severed. How do you part ways with vital pieces of yourself? You don’t. You shouldn’t have to, but I get the feeling I’m not going to be given a choice.

“I don’t know you.” She chokes out, slipping around me and heading straight for her room.

The slam of her door causes me to flinch, my gaze finally finding Sam’s.

“Look, we’re so relieved you’re alive and well, but this is a lot to process, especially for Ash. She’s going to need some space.” She flicks a runaway tear as if she never meant for it to fall and follows her friend, leaving me and Hypnos behind .

I stand there for a few minutes, completely helpless while my mind spins with ways to rectify this mess.

The empty void in my chest aches, the feeling of my heart growing in distance too painful, but I’d rather die from emptiness than to take it back from the girl it belongs to.

My heart was always hers and will always be hers even if she refuses me her own.

The sound of Hypnos clearing his throat forces my attention to him. “Come on, man.”

He nudges his head to the door, and I follow in a trance, unable to wrap my head around what this means for us, for me. I realize that this is just the beginning of a long, painful journey.

“I’m sorry.” I say, following him to his waiting car.

We slide into his silver Honda Civic, my ass freezing from the cold leather. Hypnos sits there frozen with his hands on the wheel as I wait for him to say something. I can see his thoughts turning in his head as he ponders how to even start.

“What the fuck, man?” He finally asks.

He doesn’t look at me, just stares out the windshield, his voice barely above a whisper. He looks like he’s in shock and I don’t blame him. The brother he’s known for five years, the brother he accepted into his home, lives with and loves, isn’t who he says he is.

“I should have told you. I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to need more than an apology, Khaos or Oliver, or whoever the fuck you are.” He lets out a half laugh, cut short by his racing thoughts.

“I know.” I stare at the side of his head, waiting for him to look at me.

“We should call Than and Koke.” He mumbles. “They’re probably even more confused than I am right now.”

I nod, “Yeah, of course.”

Hypnos finally starts the car, pulling away from the curb of Ash’s apartment. I feel like a chewed-up piece of gum that’s stuck to her and the farther we drive away, the more I’m stretched thin. So thin that I'll probably snap, leaving pieces of myself behind.

“I’ll tell you and the guys everything, I promise, but can you take me somewhere first?” I ask him.

He sighs, struggling with keeping Than and Koke in the dark any longer than they have to be, then ultimately gives in.

“Where to?”

After a silent forty-minute drive, we pull into the driveway of a small, one-story house in Barrington Heights.

The porch still has the old wooden swing in the corner and the shutters are still dark blue against the stark white wooden panels of the house.

It seems that nothing has changed on the outside.

Neither of us make a move, sitting there in the protection of Hypnos’ Civic, delaying what is now inevitable. He can sense the tension quaking my body, my knees bouncing a mile a minute, my nails tearing at the skin on my fingers, making them bloody and raw.

“Have you been back?” He asks when he realizes where I’ve had him take us.

“No.”

My voice cracks at the admission, my throat closing, the rest of my body shutting down from the anxiety.

Once that door opens, I know everything will change forever.

The life Khaos created will come crashing down, shattering in the same heap that makes up Oliver and when those pieces are ready to be picked up, the two will be indistinguishable.

Khaos will no longer exist without Oliver.

All that work I’ve done to keep Oliver buried will be for nothing.

He nods. “Do you want me to go in there with you?”

“I don’t-”

“I can. I’m mad as hell at you for lying to me all these years, but I still know you.

You’re still my brother.” Hypnos finally looks at me for the first time since we got in the car.

“I don’t know the full story, I don’t know why you never went home, but there’s obviously a reason.

Knowing you, it’s probably a good damn reason, too. ”

I swallow, my throat aching from the emotions balling up inside of me, threatening to break free.

“Okay.”

Hypnos trails behind me as I trudge my way to the front door.

My vision narrows, a black veil clouding my periphery as the world begins to turn sideways.

My heart races, working overtime to circulate my blood quick enough, and I’m afraid it just might give out.

Wouldn’t that be ironic? Finally here to tell my parents I’m alive, just to die on their front porch.

I nearly chuckle to myself, but my nerves prevent any sound from leaving my lips. My stomach feels like a wash cycle in the laundry, spinning at high speed, creating an urge to vomit. Hypnos’ hand juts out, his fingers wrapping around my arm as I stumble on my own two feet.

“Relax. We can just stand here for a minute if you want.” He holds me steady with both hands on my shoulders.

Taking a deep breath, I shake my head. “I’ve waited long enough.”

Together, we step up onto the porch and I knock on the navy-blue door, just below the Christmas wreath that still hangs there. Instant regret seizes me, locking every muscle inside my body.

What did I just do?

My feet suddenly pivot, ready to bolt. I shouldn’t have come here.

These people; they aren’t my parents. They’re Oliver’s and he doesn’t exist anymore.

He shouldn’t exist anymore. He’s a monster, a deviant, a sinner.

There’s no way they’ll welcome someone like that into their home, at least they shouldn’t.

And if they do, then it’s my responsibility to protect them from the animal he was.

Hypnos grabs onto the sleeve of my coat, stopping me from going anywhere. The look in his eyes begs me not to run away from this and as much as I want to – as much as I need to – I know I shouldn’t.