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Chapter Fourteen

Khaos

I wake with a jolt, my body screaming in protest. It takes me a moment to register where I am.

Sun bleeds through the closed curtains, but I can’t tell if it’s morning or afternoon.

I drop my head back against the headboard of the bed, wiping my palms down my face with a groan.

As my fingers find the bare skin of my jaw, I realize I’m missing my mask.

Finding it on the floor, I quickly tie it around my face as a stirring next to me catches my attention.

Blonde strands of hair sneak out of the comforter, splayed against white pillows.

As she adjusts again, the blanket slips a little lower revealing her face.

Streaks of mascara run tracks down her cheeks mixed with green glitter all the way to the top of her lips.

They’re parted slightly as if her sleep is effortless, recovering from all the work they did the night before.

My eyes trail the black smudge of paint smeared on her chin down her neck and to her chest, leaving me to wonder where else I’ve left my mark, at least on her skin.

Carefully, I let my fingers hover over her face, brushing a strand of hair away from her forehead. She doesn’t move and I’m thankful because at this moment I can study her in peace. It doesn’t last long before the double doors to our room fly open, Hypnos barging through.

“Finally!” He yells a little too loudly.

Wide, round globes of blue laced with confusion find mine as Hypnos jumps on the bed between us.

“What the...” Ash’s words fade as she pushes herself up to sit against the headboard, tugging the blanket up to her chin.

“It’s about damn time you two banged it out!” He smiles like a proud father, laying down and snuggling up to Ash.

“What?” She questions on a gasp.

“Get out.” I growl, my head pounding.

“Awe come on, it’s a moment to celebrate.” He laughs, kissing us both on the forehead.

He’s met with the palm of my good hand the second his lips touch my skin and I shove him away.

“Oh Khaos, Oh my God! Yes Daddy!” Hypnos teases in a porn star voice.

My eyes widen, shooting him a dangerous glare.

“Can we get a second?” I urge, looking over to find Ash frozen with shock.

He looks at both of us, then sighs. “Fine.”

I wait until the door closes behind him before turning toward Ash. From the looks of it, she’s not exactly smitten and in love. Actually, far from it. Her face is buried in her hands and she’s shaking her head.

“What did we do?” She groans. “Fuck!”

The word sounds foreign on her tongue and completely unwarranted.

“Woah, look, it’s not a big deal.” I try to calm her down, but it has the opposite effect.

“Not a big deal? I barely even remember last night!” She laughs, mostly to herself .

“At all?” I wonder because I won’t ever forget the way she screamed my name like she was praying to her God.

She pauses to think, her eyes glowering, using me to kickstart her memory.

“Pieces.” She groans.

“I don’t mind doing it again to help you remember.”

Her eyes widen, “Jesus! No! I mean, I don’t even know what you look like!”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“Yes!” She rips the blackened hotel duvet off of her and stalks to the bathroom.

Rejection stabs me straight through the chest, an unfamiliar feeling when it comes to women. They pine after me, not the other way around, yet here’s the only woman in years to break my will power and she’s... mortified?

I grip the blanket with a tight fist, shoving it away when something catches my eye. A travesty in the form of blood streaks the white linen, proof that I am exactly what she thinks I am... an asshole.

I knew, deep down I knew that she was a virgin, but part of me refused to believe she was really that perfect, that untainted. Why didn’t she say anything? Why didn’t she stop me?

Because of the drugs you idiot.

“Ugh!” I growl loudly.

I storm into the bathroom, throwing the door open.

My mind a city of devastation, complete ruin.

Towers built from the ideas of what I once thought of Ashton Crawford now crumbled to the ground in a heap of debris.

Utter chaos swarms my mind at the very thought that I stole a piece of her innocence, something she can never get back.

I always meant to dim her light just a little, darken her soul, leave her blemished and imperfect, but never in my mind did I think that this was how it would happen.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I question through a tight jaw.

Ash paces the small space, arms crossed over her chest, hiding what’s already been so freely given. She doesn’t say anything, just runs her hands through her hair. Millions of thoughts racing inside her head, transparent through her eyes. I can see the panic taking hold, so I move towards her.

“Why?!” I urge, forcing her to stop by gripping her shoulders.

“I don’t know!” She cries. “I didn’t think it would go that far. I didn’t think we would...” Her voice is soft with disbelief.

“What did you think was going to happen when you took the molly, huh? It was just going to be a fun little trip?” I snap.

“I don’t know! I’ve never done molly!” She yells right back, her blue eyes nearing black.

“Yeah, and you’ve never had sex before! Tell me I'm right!” I demand.

She looks away, shame choking her, keeping her from answering.

I drop my head into my hands, rubbing the bridge of my nose.

“Did you use a... you know?” She’s hesitant with her question, the thought of us together sending her into another frenzy.

“A what?” I push her.

She rolls her eyes, “You know! A... condom.” She whispers the last part.

“Jesus, after all that and you can’t even say the word condom.” I groan.

“Well, did you?” She asks again.

“I-I don’t know.” I admit, glancing in the trash for any evidence .

“What do you mean you don’t know?” She pushes, panic settling in deep.

My fingers rub my chin under my mask, thinking back to last night. To be honest, the worst part of all of this is that it’s mostly a blur. Flashes of moments between us resurface here and there, but nothing substantial enough to recall the answer to Ash’s question.

I shake my head, “I mean, can you remember?”

“No.” She crosses her arms again.

“Okay then. Let’s assume the answer’s no.” I conclude. “Are you on birth control?”

“Why would I be on birth control? I’ve never had sex before and I certainly didn’t plan to while I’m on a job assignment!” Her voice now two octaves higher.

I back up, realizing this is way out of my realm of expertise. I’m not proud to admit, but my knowledge in the female department severely lacks understanding. I blame it on the experiences I did have growing up and those were not exactly normal.

She’s hyperventilating now, pacing back and forth across the tile. “I can’t return to work in six months pregnant! I would lose my job! I can’t be a single parent! I can’t be a mother for fucks sakes!” She’s losing it, spiraling and I feel so damn guilty.

“Who said you had to be a single parent?” I ask a little offended.

She stops in her tracks, her death glare directed straight at me. “So... what? We’ll co-parent? You’ll see your kid every once in a blue moon when you’re not on tour? The kid will never even know what you look like! What a stupid question.”

“Ouch, okay. Well, calm down. You don’t even know if you’re pregnant and on top of that, they have this little thing called Plan B.” I remind her, something my bandmates know a lot about .

“Then what are you waiting for?” She barks, ushering me out of the bathroom.

She slams the door in my face, and I stand there stunned.

I’m not sure if I’m relieved that she’s willing to take Plan B or offended.

Logically, I know I should be relieved, but a really fucked up part of me doesn’t hate the idea of being a father.

Maybe now isn’t the time... Well, it’s definitely not the time, but someday.

I throw some clothes on, refresh the gauze on my hand, and leave Ash to fester in her own thoughts.

The very idea of giving herself to me must be tearing her up inside and even though I feel guilty for taking something that wasn’t meant for me, I also feel a small sense of triumph.

Like I’ve won the ultimate battle between the two of us and all she can do now is wave her white flag and bow down to the conqueror.

I step out into the living room, greeting the guys. They’re spread out across the furniture, silently staring at me with accusation in their eyes. I drop my head back, annoyed that I now have to explain myself to them, as if it’s not already awkward as fuck.

“What did you do?” Kokytos breaks the silence.

“Are we fucked?” Than accuses.

“Blame Hypnos.” I deflect.

“What did I do?” He asks, shocked.

“You got us all high and now we’re in a situation that isn’t ideal.” I explain like he’s an idiot.

His eyes widen, “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, I stole her virginity and now I have to go get her Plan B, you asshole.”

They all wince, Than rubbing the back of his neck. “That certainly is not ideal.”

“Hasn’t she had sex before?” Kokytos scratches his head .

“Not according to her hymen.” I snap, grabbing my wallet off the counter and heading for the door.