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Chapter Eight

Khaos

I rip my cloak off the second I'm backstage, the heat unbearable. Before I can even get to Ash, Hypnos has his sweaty arm wrapped around her neck. She laughs but shoves him off and aims the camera right at him.

“How do you feel after your shows?” She asks him.

“Like I just fucked myself to completion.” He laughs, his breath heavy.

“Shut up, you idiot!” Than yells at him, rolling his eyes.

“There’s not a high in this world that would feel the same as when we’re on stage. The fans, they’re like food for our souls. Just keeps us going.” Kokytos says into the camera.

“Khaos?” She directs herself towards me as I lean against the wall, avoiding their post-show adrenaline.

“I feel like I just sold my soul.” I answer her coldly.

“You don’t enjoy your shows?”

“Does one enjoy going to church? No, it’s something you do because you have to. It’s an obligation you have because of what you believe. I do this because it’s the shit part of what I love.” I admit for the first time .

“Yo, dude. That’s dark.” Than tells me, his hand on my shoulder.

“You guys know how I feel about this shit.” I remind them.

They just don’t know to what extent I actually hate it.

“Turn that shit off now. It’s time to do things we shouldn’t be filming.” Kokytos shouts out to Ash as he sucks another line of coke up his nose.

He yanks his mask off, and my eyes nearly shoot from their sockets. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

My eyes dart between Ash and Kokytos, her camera pointing toward the ground. Her eyes are like glittering pools of greed, soaking in the features of his face. I panic, rushing toward her, ripping her camera from her hands and shutting it off.

“What the hell? I didn’t film him, I swear!” She shouts.

I toss the camera to the couch, unable to stop my fingers from wrapping around her neck, my thumb increasing the pressure on her esophagus. She’s choking, gasping for air and the guys start screaming at me. I can’t hear them, I’m trapped in her wide, fear filled eyes.

“Stop! What the fuck are you doing?” Kokytos shoves the side of my head to get my attention.

Ash is turning blue, probably wondering if I’m capable of really ending her. What’s unfortunate for her is I’m wondering the same thing. How far am I willing to go to keep my past hidden?

“Put your fucking mask back on, Koke.” Than growls, tossing him his mask.

“How am I being yelled at? This fucker is literally choking a girl out!” He argues, but quickly slips his bandana over his face.

I drop my hands, allowing Ash to breathe. She falls to her knees in front of me, coughing hysterically. I watch with apathetic eyes, my mind on one thing only; survive and in this moment, I’m forced between choosing her or me.

Granted, it wasn’t even my face she caught, but I can’t risk being found out by association.

Hypnos rushes over with a glass of water, allowing her relief from her aching throat. The fact that they don’t realize the magnitude of the situation is alarming. Except I can’t blame them because I’ve never told them.

“Put this on.” I dangle a bandana in front of her face.

She stares up at me with fury in her eyes, her hand holding her throat. “Screw you.”

“Put it on, now!” I order.

For some reason, she snatches it from my hands and follows my demand. There’s a fight inside of her that screams out, even if her actions depict that she’s giving in. Slowly, she wraps the bandana across her eyes, tying it in back.

Once she’s blind, I yank her by the elbow and escort her out of the venue. I shove her onto the bus, planting her on the couch roughly, searching the cabinets above her for duct tape. At the sound of it unraveling, she starts to panic.

“Khaos stop!” She rushes to yank on the bandana, but before she can, her wrists are in my hands.

I flip her to her stomach, using my weight to hold her down and binding her wrists behind her back.

“What are you doing?” Her cries are muffled by the cold leather.

“I don’t trust you.” I seethe, ready to punish her for something she had no control over.

“Please, stop! I can show you the footage. I didn’t get his face, I swear!” She squirms beneath me.

The door swings open, Hypnos and Than barreling through. They each grab one of my arms and bulldoze me into the back room .

“Seriously! What is wrong with you?” Hypnos growls, his grip on my bicep tightening.

I yank myself free, but it just gives him a reason to shove me back onto the bed. I’m riled up, feeling like a caged animal on this bus and I want to scream at them. To beat them until their bloody, but I don’t because I realize they're all I have in this life.

“You need to calm down. You realize you just physically assaulted the journalist we agreed to have on our tour, right? I’m honestly shocked the cops aren’t lining up outside this bus.” Than reasons.

I hate that he’s the logical one in this group. “Koke should know that we don’t take our masks off in front of strangers. He’s jeopardizing all of this! Once we’re made out, it’s over.”

“That’s so dramatic. It doesn’t have to be like that. It certainly didn’t warrant you choking Ash out.” Hypnos barks.

“We can’t trust her!” I reiterate for the millionth time.

“You are so closed off, dude! Just fucking live for five minutes. Take a breath and relax. Life isn’t that serious.” Hypnos swipes his palms down his face in frustration, his mask slipping.

Out of habit, he pulls it back up over his nose.

“Look, Khaos, you need to figure out what is going on inside of that fucked up head of yours and sort it all out before you get hauled off to jail. You need to end this distrust Ash campaign because it’s a party of one and we all know one ain’t a party.

” Than grips my shoulder roughly, studying the look in my eyes.

I take a deep breath and realize he’s right. I’m driving myself insane and that can’t be a good look for us. I nod, agreeing to let it go.

“Good. Now untie Ash and let’s get a room at the Hilton down the street. We need to get off this bus.” Than slaps my back.

"What you need is to go find a pretty girl and let some of that frustration go. You’ve been pent up for too long, it can’t be healthy.” Hypnos adds.

I flick him off. This has been an ongoing conversation for the longest time.

Unlike the rest of the guys, I haven’t exactly been interested in girls for, well.

.. a long time now. Not that I don’t find them attractive, I’ve just been struggling with some hang ups.

Enough hang ups to dampen any game I once had and since Ash arrived, I’ve been reminded that everybody has needs. I just wish I could turn mine off.

“Unlike you guys, I don’t have to jizz into every girl I set my eyes on.” I growl.

“No, just one.” Hypnos goads.

I shove him before tailing him out of the room, stopping in front of Ash.

She sits there with her head hanging, hands tied behind her back and eyes blindfolded.

Her shoulders stretched back, her chest pushed out, clad in a pretty little sun dress.

She’s quiet, not a peep. I nod to the guys, who hesitate, but finally leave me to free her.

I yank the bandana off her head first, leaving her blonde hair a mess.

It sticks out all over the place, falling around her shoulders.

She puffs out air, trying to rid the strand covering her face.

My eyes fall to the necklace of forming bruises on her skin.

I realize I might have overreacted now that I’ve come down from whatever terror filled high I was riding.

If guilt wasn’t gnawing its way through my sternum, I’d take pride in the colors blooming against her pale skin, but those marks were made out of fear. A different kind of passion than the one I wish I could show her.

In this moment, I feel the taut rope fraying, my resolve weakening.

“I’m sorry.” I mutter, lowering my eyes to the floor.

I can feel her gaze like two sharp ice picks stabbing me all over. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, guilt. It certainly steals any power you once held.

“For what, Khaos? For hunting me down in a forest in the middle of nowhere? For dousing me in what I assume was animal blood? Which don’t even get me started!

For leaving me without clothes for an entire night and having me sleep on the couch?

Or how about choking me until I almost pass out?

You have a lot of options here.” She rants, her hands still tied behind her back.

I shrug, “I took it a little too far. I just... I don’t trust easy.”

She stands, her pace slow, but deliberate as she comes my way. If her hands were untied, I’d bet money she would be pointing her finger in my face. She’s small, but the way her face contorts in such anger actually makes her feel bigger than she is.

“This has nothing to do with trust. There’s something very wrong with you.” She stops an inch away, forcing me to look directly at her.

“I know.” Is all I can think to say.

Suddenly, her face softens, and her shoulders drop just slightly. She seems to be taken aback by my response.

“Free me.” She demands, but there’s a hidden meaning in her words. She wants out of my hold, away from my wrath, but it’s never going to happen.

“I can’t.” are the words that leave my mouth.

Our eyes lock, battling each other’s will and I refuse to give in. The color of her irises are like different shades of the sea swirling together. There’s a plea in her stare and a defiance in mine and I have a feeling we’re both going to lose.

“I meant my hands.” She finally says.

I swallow, desperately wanting to keep her like this forever. Soft, compliant, tied up and waiting for me.

“Turn around.” I order .

She does as she’s told, and I pull a pocketknife from my jeans and cut the tape, letting her go.

“I need to grab my things. Everything was left in the green room.” she says as she rubs her wrists.

I nod toward the door, letting her lead and follow her back inside to collect her stuff before we head over to the hotel to join the guys.