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Chapter Eighteen

Khaos

A sh stirs next to me and groans, her hand palming her face. The afternoon sun is too bright, despite the curtains that are doing their best to shut it out.

Her hair is splayed out all over her pillow, frizzy and tangled in knots, so blonde that it nearly matches the white sheets.

Even hungover, she’s elegant in all her movements.

Flawless in every sense of the word. I just wish she didn’t rile up my emotions, pitting them against one another, warring between hating her and needing her like the air I fucking breathe.

“Why did you make me drink so much?” She whines, rubbing her eyes.

When she opens them, make up is smeared underneath, black smudges down to her cheeks. Even now, when one might see a mess, I see an angel.

“How are you fine?” She wonders, peaking over at me.

“I didn’t drink any more than I usually do.” I answer.

“I think I might die.” Her wrist flaps over her forehead dramatically, pretending she’s dying. “What would you do without me?”

Ash seemed to have cracked my hardened soul yesterday, enough to worm her way inside and plant roots.

We talked until the sky bled with pink, purples, and blues, passing out just before the sun made an appearance.

She talked the festering ball of hate right out of me, leaving me with all these other confusing feelings.

Feelings I can’t bring myself to confront right now.

“The same thing I’ve always done.” I lie.

She pops an eye open to glare at me, “Rude.”

“Truth hurts.” I quip.

“You sound like Lizzo.” She snorts.

I pop a brow, “Who?”

She sits up next to me, eyes wide, which look even bigger with the dark circles around them. “Are you serious? She’s got like ten hits. Her songs are always on the radio.”

“Never heard of her. Don’t listen to the radio.” I shrug.

“Come on! I just took a D-N-A test, turns out I’m 100% that bitch?” She starts singing.

“Oh God, no! Please stop!” I cover my ears, groaning.

Ash laughs, shaking her head like she’s disappointed that I don’t listen to the garbage that these pop stars put out.

“Look, those that hit the top ten on the ‘Greatest Hits,’” I say in air quotes, “They're the exact opposite of everything I stand for. They crave the attention, they want to be the best in the world, they want recognition for the shit that others have given them.”

“And what do you want out of all this?” She counters.

“Nothing. I didn’t even want to do this in the first place.

I started because it was all I had; it tamed the demons inside of me.

Kept them from reaping chaos at every turn.

It just so happens that others really enjoy it.

There are people out there that feel the same way as me and my music has helped them like it’s helped me. I do it because I have to.”

“Well, that’s kind of sad.” She frowns.

“It is what it is. Somehow, my music has become bigger than me and I’ve let it, but you won’t ever see me changing who I am just to win an award or get recognition.” I tell her.

“Whatever you’re doing, it’s working. Even if you’re not trying.” She smiles.

“You have makeup all over your face.” I change the subject, swiping my thumb under her eye to show her.

“Thanks for that.” She grumbles, getting out of bed to shower.

I feel lighter after our talk last night, even if I hardly revealed anything substantial.

The look in Ash’s eyes when I talked about the violence in my life, it wasn’t pity.

She looked at me like there was a strength in befriending death, but still choosing to live.

And after everything we’ve done together, I can’t seem to forget the way her hand embraced mine, fitting perfectly together.

When Ash comes out of the bathroom, I have to do a double take.

“What? Run out of sundresses?” I joke.

“You don’t like it?” She smirks, tugging on her black crop top T-shirt with our band logo on it.

“I can’t say that I don’t, just never thought I would see the day.” I laugh, wondering if things between us have been permanently altered.

“Well, when you’re sleeping with the lead singer, I think it makes sense to at the very least rep the band.” She shrugs.

“You say that so nonchalantly.” I tug on her hips and pull her into me.

“I say that literally.” She giggles, pushing away and joining the guys in the kitchen .

After I finish getting ready, I find them all sitting around the kitchen table talking about Chicago.

Everyone is bare faced, they have been for a while now, but it still stirs a panic inside my chest. I’m having a hard time getting used to Ash seeing their faces, especially when she hasn’t even seen mine.

“I was just telling the guys’ that my best friend is going to come out with us tonight when we get in. We’re going to The Underground. Sam knows the bouncer there; he can get us in for free.” She says.

“You do know we can probably get into any club for free.” Koke laughs.

“I’d like to see that happen.” Ash challenges.

“You’re on!” He accepts.

There’s nothing more that I hate than Chicago, Ash included. It’s a horrible, crowded city filled with wannabes and assholes. Everyone is just too busy to bother with anyone other than themselves as if their shit is so much more important, but this is where a majority of our fans are.

I’m looking forward to the moment we leave. At the very least, we’re set up in The Peninsula Hotel with a suite that’s four times the size of the apartment I share with Hypnos back in Detroit.

I wait with Ash in the lobby while my bandmates and Hailey head up to the room to start pre-gaming. The lights are dimly lit, yet the floors still glitter under the giant chandeliers. She’s sitting on the edge of the sofa cushion, eagerly watching the revolving doors.

My eyes haven’t left the sight of her in our band shirt, her black skinny jeans riding low.

I want to snake my hands across her belly, feel the goose bumps pucker along her skin.

There’s only one other time I’ve ever felt like this before; heart aching, palms sweating, a constant flutter in the pit of my stomach.

Obsession starts to cluster bit by bit, stealing enough pieces from her to form something beyond what’s considered healthy.

I’ve tried fighting it for as long as I can, but she knows how to rip away at the walls I’ve created for myself.

I’m yanked out of my own thoughts when Ash jumps to her feet. Her eyes grow wide with excitement, but mine never leave her, drinking in her dark makeup and wavy blonde hair.

A petite brunette in a tight, silk black dress and stilettos walks in.

Before the girl is even halfway through the lobby, squeals pierce my ears, threatening to blow my hearing.

Ash can hardly wait, so she closes the gap between them, rushing her like a football player.

With the impact of a car accident, they collide together in an embrace meant for soldiers reuniting with their beloved spouses after years at war. It’s... annoying to say the least.

I follow behind slowly, waiting to be introduced, but the two are in their own little world, so I clear my throat to remind Ash that I’m still here.

“Oh my God! Sam, this is Khaos. Khaos this is Sam.” She finally says, gesturing between us.

“Is that your real name?” Sam scrunches her nose while holding out her hand.

“To you, yes.” I shove mine in my pocket, intentionally avoiding her overly soft manicured fingers.

Sam reminds me a lot of Ash, but she’s bolder in her looks, unafraid to offend, and looks like the type that’s completely unburdened by her past. It’s obvious when you talk to her, she’s an open book with a confidence that has never been shattered.

However, I have an unhealthy habit of destruction and Sam’s confidence seems to be next on my list.

She pinches her lips in a scowl, insulted by my lack of acceptance. There’s only one girl I want to touch, and it certainly isn’t her.

“Cocky, are we?” She smirks before turning to Ash. “Is this what you have to deal with?”

Ash giggles, her eyes darting my way, “You have no idea.”

I tail behind the two of them up to our room, their mouths both dropping in awe when they take in the enormous suite with top floor views.

I’m relieved to find that my bandmates are all masked up, ready for the newcomer.

I might not distrust Ash as much as I used to, but her friend? Yeah, not even a chance.

“Guys, this is Sam Montgomery, my BFF. Sam this is Than, Hypnos, Kokytos, and Hailey.” Ash introduces her to the rest of the crew.

“Hi again.” Hypnos’ eyes smile as he runs a hand through his blonde hair.

I don’t miss the subtle eye fuck between the two of them, but what do I care?

Koke hands out shots of Patron while I light a joint.

There’s a sense of ease that filters out of my mouth with each exhale.

Sam watches with shrewd, judgmental eyes as if she knows that under the skin I wear hides the devil.

To make her question my morals even further, I pull Ash into me, wrapping my arm around her waist to tug her back against my chest. Her head falls to my shoulder naturally as I tuck the blunt between her pink lips.

She sucks as if it were my dick, inhales, and releases, blowing the plume of smoke into my face.

“How do you not light your mask on fire?” Sam laughs, watching me as I take another hit.

I shrug, “Lots of practice.”

It’s not hard, if she ever smoked, she would know. Just pinch the joint between your forefinger and thumb with your palm shielding the tip from touching the fabric. Have I burned myself a thousand times? Maybe, but it’s worth it.

Sam tugs on Ash’s hand, pulling her away from me, forcing me to snuff the growl forming in my chest. I don’t know what it is about her friend that brings out this possessive side of me. At least I don’t want to acknowledge it.

“Is there a thing between the two of you?” She asks, flashing those fake lashes at me.

“No-”

“Yes.”