Page 47

The week spent in the Big Apple is exhausting with touring the city all day and our concerts at night, but the awe on Ash’s face is something I’ll never grow tired of. It’s really the only thing keeping me going because New York isn’t much different than Chicago, other than it not being home.

With it being our last day here before we break for the holidays, there is one more thing I want to show Ash.

As we sit in the Uber, spiked hot chocolate in hand, I study her.

The white winter hat sits snug on her head, her blonde tendrils tucked beneath her black puffer jacket.

Even though it’s warm in this car, her nose and cheeks are still kissed by the frigid air, painting her face a light pink like a permanent blush.

I can already feel the hole in my chest from the anticipation of leaving her for the next three weeks. The thought panic inducing. I’ve grown accustomed to having her around again, sometimes feeling like no time has passed between us.

“Ugh, I swear to God, if you’re taking me ice skating, I’m going to puke. I know I’ve done pretty much every cliché thing there is to do here, but I refuse to do that. Especially with you.” She scoffs, yanking me back to reality.

“Damn. I should probably tell the driver to turn around now.” I groan.

She slaps my chest with the back of her hand. “Stop. Seriously?”

“Why wouldn’t you want to do the most romantic thing in New York with me?”

She makes a gagging noise, pointing her gloved finger down her throat.

“Note taken. She doesn’t like romance.” I grumble, smirking beneath my mask.

“I like romance!” She argues. “You just don’t seem the type.”

I snort, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

The Uber pulls over at Rockefeller Plaza and we climb out onto the sidewalk.

I yank on her hand, pulling her closer to the enormous, brightly lit tree.

It towers over the city, patrons crowding around to admire the magnificent reminder that it’s the best time of the year.

As Ash stands astounded, her gaze glued to the ultimate Christmas emblem, my eyes are stuck on her.

I study the way the lights twinkle in her eyes, the fascination radiating from them.

“This is insane!” She breathes, a cloud forming in the air at her words.

“This is my favorite thing about New York.”

“I can see why.” She smiles at me before taking her eyes back to the tree.

All I Want for Christmas is playing from the ice rink speakers below us, the words never ringing truer.

I wrap my arms around her waist, holding her to me as she sips her drink, completely content.

We don’t pay any attention to the swarm of bodies pushing past us in every direction, we just stay like this savoring the moment.

“So... I’m not the romantic type?” I tease.

She shrugs, “I’m just glad you didn’t take me ice skating.”

I pull her over to the staircase on our right so she can get a good view of the rink below us.

“There’s still time.” I tease.

She rolls her eyes, “In your dreams.”

Her denial is met with a contradicting smile, once again telling me everything I need to know. She loves this and somewhere deep down inside of her, she loves me. I just need to get her to acknowledge it.

Leaning back, I rest against the railing, pulling her into me.

“What are you doing for the holiday break?” She asks, nuzzling into my arms.

“Probably going home with Hypnos.” I shrug. “You?”

“My parents are going on a Christmas cruise this year. It’s been something they’ve been dying to do for a while now and Sam usually goes home to her parents.” Ash pauses for a moment, gnawing on her bottom lip. “Any chance you want to hang out with me instead?”

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes me, “Hang out or spend the holidays with you?”

The words that leave her lips aren’t exactly the words I’ve been looking for, but they’re so close.

We haven’t spent more than a few hours away from each other for the last four and a half months and even that was too much for me.

I’m not trying to scare her away, though, so I haven’t pushed her.

For Ash, this is all new. For me? I’ve been waiting years for this moment, but I’m trying to be patient while her heart catches up to mine.

“Both?” She shrugs before becoming irrationally defensive. “I’m not asking you to move in with me or be my boyfriend, I’m just asking for some company. ”

I spin her around to face me, cocking my brow.

I know better than to think she can be vulnerable with me when it pertains to us.

I’ve given her almost everything, apart from my old identity.

I’ve claimed her as mine and silently promised the rest of my life to her, but there’s a barricade around her heart when it comes to me.

The further I fight for us, the harder it is to break past those barbed wires.

Little does she know; I’ll rip open every inch of skin on my hands if it means breaking through to what she protects the most.

“Sure. Only because you asked so nicely.”

Ash rolls her eyes, fighting a smile.

We snap a photo of us for her blog, my hand covering the lower half of her face, backlit by the enormous tree behind us.

Little by little, she releases small teasers of us as if they’re not us at all.

A part of me wants it to be real and not about her job and for a moment, I wish that I’m normal, but it’s stupid because wishes don’t come true.

Instead, I remind myself to live in the moment because these moments are a thousand times better than the moments I’ve lived in the past.

“I have to warn you, my place is a lot smaller than what you might be used to.” Ash says as she opens the door to her downtown apartment.

“I think you forget that we’ve been living on a bus with three other guys for most of the tour.”

Christmas decorations adorn every corner of the small place, a tree taking up half the living room, garland lining the front door, little glass snowmen on every surface. There are even lights strewn along the edges of the ceiling. It’s tacky, but it reminds me of home .

We shed our layers and kick off our boots.

As Ash walks over to the kitchen, my eyes scan every inch of her place, trying to find bits and pieces of the girl I grew up with.

The living room seems to be neutral ground for the two girls, a grey L-shaped couch lining the wall, the entertainment center directly across from it against the opposite wall.

Behind the tree hides a sliding glass door to a balcony, clearly unused in the winter.

I travel down the short hallway to the kitchen to join Ash, wrapping my arms around her from behind as she pours bourbon into two glass tumblers.

She twists in my hold, facing me, her hands reaching behind my head to untie my mask.

She tosses it to her granite countertop, her eyes never leaving mine.

“To being home for the holidays.” I murmur, taking a glass and clinking it against hers.

If only you knew how close to home I really am right now.

We toss the liquor back, solidifying our toast before slamming the glasses onto the counter.

Her arms snake around my neck, the touch of her skin tickling mine causes a shiver to course through me.

Lowering my head, I brush my lips along hers, my tongue savoring the spicy taste of bourbon on her breath.

As heat spreads from my body to hers, I lift her up onto the counter and wedge myself between her open thighs.

Her fingers thread into my hair as my fingers skate under her shirt, traveling over her bare stomach.

“I want to do things with you.” She whispers against my lips.

“Like what?”

I palm the side of her face, nuzzling mine in the crook of her neck, freeing her to speak while I devour her skin. The rise and fall of her chest quickens with every nibble.

“Like watch Christmas movies and bake cookies.” She pants.

The normality of her admission causes me to chuckle. I can feel her cheek heat beneath my palm and her walls instantly start to rise. Before she can shut me out completely, I force her eyes to mine.

“Why are you laughing at me?” Her hands grip my wrists trying to shove me away, but I hold tight.

“I’m not laughing at you. I just haven’t done anything that normal in a long time. It caught me off guard.” I explain. “The last time a girl asked me to make cookies with her was before I left home.”

She quirks an eyebrow, “Oh really? So, I’m not the first girl to try to domesticate you?”

You’re the only one.

My smile widens, “Are you jealous?”

“Please.” Ash scoffs. “The girl was probably your mother.”

A laugh barrels out of me. The insult would have been annoying if it wasn’t for the fact that the girl was Ash herself.

“I’ll watch movies and bake cookies with you, but before that there’s something I want to do.” I slide my hands up her thighs, gripping her hips.

“What’s that?”

A surprised squeal jumps from her lips as I yank her off the counter, her legs wrapping around my waist to keep her from falling. I back her up against the closest bedroom door across the hall from the kitchen, my lips pressed firmly to hers while my hand blindly finds the knob.

“This is Sam’s room, mines down the hall.”

“I don’t think she’d mind.” I lift a shoulder in a shrug.

She tugs the hair on the back of my head in punishment. “I think she might.”

With a burning curiosity I was trying to suffocate, I carry her down the hall to the second bedroom.

A slow smile stretches across my face as I take in every piece of Ash, drowning in the past. Her bed sits center of the wall to the right with a black metal frame and a barred headboard.

The entire wall is lined with posters of famous artists and bands, none of them us, but I never expected as much.

Her taste has barely altered from years ago, only to keep up with what is currently mainstream.