Page 29

The week passes by like the end of Spring, peaceful and without storms. There even seems to be some new buds sprouting in the form of friendship, though Khaos might deny it. However, I can’t complain, it’s the most we’ve ever gotten along.

Something has changed since our talk last week. I don’t know if it’s because he was tired of fighting or if he pities me for my past. I hope it’s not the latter. It took me years to climb out of that deep hole of despair, nearly killing me, but eventually the pain lessened.

Well, whatever has him playing nice, I hope it stays because I’m starting to actually like this side of him. I didn’t see that coming.

Khaos rolls over to his side, facing away from me and I use this opportunity to relieve my bladder. It feels early, but seeing as we never wake up before ten, it probably isn’t.

I lock myself inside the bathroom, doing my business and when I look down between my legs, I realize all my prayers have been answered .

Hello, Aunt Flow!

The heaviness of the last week and a half disappears, flooding me with relief. I finish in a hurry, excited to share the news. The door flies open as I stumble out and stand in the doorway to Khaos’ room shouting at the top of my lungs. “I’m not pregnant!”

I get a couple claps and some unenthusiastic woos from the bunks. The guys’ too drowsy to celebrate with me properly. Then turn to find Khaos pulling himself up to sit against the headboard, running a hand through his soft, dark hair.

“Congrats.” He chuckles sleepily.

I rush over to him, jumping onto the bed, landing on my knees. The bed isn’t bouncy at all, but soft enough that it doesn’t hurt.

“Oh God, I’m so relieved! I was starting to really worry.” I throw myself down next to him, my head by his hip.

“Yeah, me too. For a second, I thought maybe I would have to stop touring, quit my job, and raise little hellions with a girl too fucked up for her own good.” he chuckles.

“And I thought maybe I’d actually have to count it. Now we can pretend none of this ever happened.” I tease.

“You do know you can only lose your virginity once, right? Even if you swear sex off for the rest of your life, I’m still your first.” He reminds me.

“Semantics.” I brush him off.

His eyes narrow, those dark brows dipping, making him look like Pissed Almighty. I don’t intend to ruin the good thing we have going, but he has to understand why I don’t want it to count.

“That’s what you want then? To pretend it never happened?” He asks through clenched teeth.

“I mean, hear me out. We were both on drugs and I probably wouldn’t have made the same choice if I were sober. I’m not saying I blame you-”

“Blame me?” He cuts me off. “You took that pill first! The only reason I did it was because you did!”

“I said I DON’T blame you, but-”

“There is no but, Ash.” He shakes his head. “We’re not doing this again.”

“No! You don’t get to cut me off just because you don’t like what I have to say. We were intoxicated, high, not in the right state of mind. That isn’t how I want my first time to be!” I realize I’m not being rational, but emotions hardly ever are.

“News flash! That’s exactly how your first time was! IT HAPPENED. There’s nothing you can do about it now!” His words are like loud claps in my ears, reverberating around in my head.

I sit up, rubbing my temples with my fingers before turning to him with murder in my eyes.

“What I can do is forget it ever happened!”

“That’s right, none of my kisses count, do they? You’re too hung up on a boy you left for dead.” Malice swarms his amber eyes.

Too stunned to even fight back, I sit there frozen while he storms off into the bathroom to shower.

When I cried to him, sharing my past, it didn’t occur to me that it would be thrown back in my face.

It astounds me, the fact that he can just coax my heart out of my chest and crush it with his bare hands before tossing it at my feet.

Shaking out of my stupor, I barrel out of the room and drop myself into the booth across from Hypnos. He’s rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, but it doesn’t stop him from noticing the scowl on my face. He pops a brow in question.

“How are you friends with such a heathen?” I grumble as if blaming Hypnos for his friend’s attitude .

He sighs. “There’s a lot more to him than meets the eye. You just have to be patient with him sometimes.”

“Please enlighten me because I have yet to see it.”

“He’s been through some shit, you know? Like dark shit, stuff he doesn’t talk to anyone about. It affects him randomly and I guess having someone new around has really put him on edge.”

“You can say that again.” I roll my eyes.

“Just give him some time. He’s a good guy.”

"Well, he’s doing a fine job hiding it.” I scoff.

The back door slams open and Khaos storms through the bus like a tornado ready to destroy everything in his path.

“Or maybe it’s you that’s hiding, Ash, pretending to be better than you are.”

“That’s rich!” I can’t help the edge of hysteria clouding my laugh.

“The second you’re confronted with the truth, you’re already digging a grave, readying to bury it.”

“I’m not some groupie that wants to share my sexcapades with the whole world. Forgive me if I’d like to keep those private... deep deep deep inside a box in the back of my brain where no one will ever find them!”

“Apparently not that deep considering you climb into MY bed every night.” He counters with a scoff.

“I’m tired of sleeping on the couch, you act like it means anything! If it were Hypnos in that bed, it would be him I would be sleeping with!” I shout pretending it’s the truth.

“Really? Would you give him your virginity too? Oh wait, you can’t because you already gave it to me.” He bites out.

Sweat starts to gather at my hairline as my veins pulsate with a fury I’ve never felt in my life before. I can feel myself start to lose it, my inner demon clawing its way out, ready to show herself .

“It. Doesn’t. Count!” I scream. “If Hypnos wants it, he can have it just as long as he erases everything between us. I want the feeling of your fingers touching me gone! I want the taste of your skin out of my mouth! I want someone else to fuck you out of me!”

I don’t even know what I’m saying at this point, but everyone is silent. Hypnos is covering his face like he can’t watch this train wreck and Khaos is physically writhing in anger so palpable I can taste it where I stand. It’s bitter and nasty.

I stretch out my fingers, my bones aching from clenching them too tightly, and wipe the sweat on my shorts. I want to run, to hide from the wrath that scorches me like a heat wave. How did we even get to this point?

The second the bus parks, I grab my computer bag and make myself lost. I’d rather be anywhere than on that bus with an atomic bomb seconds from detonating.

Space.

I need space from Khaos, the tension, the guys, so I decide to spend my day exploring and running errands with every intention of skipping tonight’s concert.

By the end of the night, I find myself settling inside a mediocre bar with a sexy ambiance, struggling to ignore the fact that Khaos is probably wondering where I am right now.

To distract myself, I finish writing my piece on Than while sucking down my second lemon drop martini, tucked away in a booth at the back of the bar.

I slam my laptop shut after posting, taking the last sip of my drink, when a server comes by and drops off another one.

“I didn’t order this.” I tell her.

“He did.” She says, pointing to a man sitting at the bar.

“Oh, thanks.” I grumble and she walks away.

The guy takes it as a cue to walk over and join me. As he gets closer, I realize he’s good looking. Tall, dark hair and eyes, nice shapely trimmed beard. He’s handsome, someone I could see myself with or maybe it’s the alcohol thinking.

He plants himself next to me with very little space between us. As he smiles, wrinkles form on the outside of his eyes revealing that he must be at least thirty.

“Hey, I’m Adam.” He introduces himself, sticking his hand between us.

Adam... what a normal name.

“Ash.” I let myself take it, giving it a good shake before letting go.

“I, uh, couldn’t help notice you over here alone.”

“Yep.” I pop the P, nodding as I look toward my laptop. “Just finishing up some work.”

“Oh, cool. What do you do?” He asks.

“I’m a journalist for Musical Genius. Currently working on a project for Night’s Deadly Deeds.” I answer and his eyes light up.

“No kidding! I love that band!” He smiles and I want to groan.

Then suddenly a devilish idea pops into my head, “They’re playing across the street, want to go see them? The set is probably half over, but I can sneak you in.”

“Hell yeah! Let’s go!” He jumps up, throwing a couple twenties on my table, more than enough to cover all my drinks and then some.

I lead him to the Van Buren Theater, sneaking him in through the back entrance.

Only we don’t hang out backstage. Instead, we push through the crowd and force a spot in the front, right under Khaos.

I watch them from the crowd, sweaty bodies pushing up against me, all begging for a piece of the mysterious creature on stage.

Adam dips his head to my ear, yelling barely loud enough to be heard, “This is incredible!”

I shrug, smiling up at him, pretending that there isn’t an ulterior motive for me being here. He grabs me around the waist as I watch intently, waiting for those masked eyes to peer down at me, to catch me doing exactly what I said I would.

There’s a plume of smoke that coats the floor of the stage, Khaos crouches, his cloak spread around him.

Sweat beads down his bare, black painted chest, streaks of his actual skin peeking through.

The second his eyes find mine, the growl that barrels out of his mouth blows through the speaker as if all that rage is directed my way.

Without flinching, I hold his gaze as he screams, the vibrations from his chest lashing out and crawling into mine.

It only makes the crowd go wild, but it’s a warning for me.

There’s a threat in the tone of his voice when he sings the remainder of the show, I can see the uneasiness in every movement, especially when I wrap my arm behind me to hold onto Adam’s neck.

As the end of the setlist plays out, I make my move, pulling Adam’s head down. I twist my neck so that our lips can meet and when they do, feedback screeches deafeningly through the speakers. I look over to the stage, catching Khaos’ back, his mic rolling across the floor.

The crowd starts to shuffle out of the venue, a sea of bodies providing me the perfect cover to lose Adam.

When I get back to the bus it’s empty, the bed calling to me after the day I’ve had. A part of me knows I’ll be kicked out when Khaos returns, but I’ll welcome that fight. I’m still pissed at him for using my past against me and airing our dirty laundry.

What’s new?

Hours later I’m woken up from a deep sleep, the mattress bouncing beside me. I’m surprised he’s not dragging me out by my neck. I roll over to confront him but am met with a mess of blonde hair and gyrating bodies.

“What the hell!” I scream in disgust.

The girl's eyes pop open, widening in horror. She looks at me and then at Khaos before breaking out in a fit of drunken giggles.

“Might want to leave now if you don’t want to watch.” He warns, his fingers hovering over the button on the girl’s jeans.

“ You might want to leave before I rip your mask off so I can see your face when I murder you!” I threaten.

“Yo, what is going on?” Kokytos comes into view, stumbling and clearly intoxicated. “Awe, shit, Khaos. What are you doing?”

“Getting laid.” He answers nonchalantly.

“No, you aren’t. Come on.” Kokytos grips the girl's hand, tugging her out from under him. “Time for you to go.”

He rushes her out of the bus and returns with a bottle of water in his hands.

“Wait,” He holds his palm out, meeting Khaos’ chest, keeping him from pushing past through the door and forcing him to sit back down. “You guys need to hash this out. It’s not healthy.”

“No shit.” Khaos scoffs.

“Both of you are playing this hateful game and it’s going to tear us apart.

Ash, no more using guys to get back at Khaos.

Khaos, no more using girls to get back at Ash.

Kapeesh?” He slurs, waiting for us to respond, but neither of us can make any promises.

“Fan-fuckin-tastic. Goo’night.” He slams the door behind him before he drunkenly climbs into his bunk to pass out.

My ears pound with the sound of my heartbeat, the only thing to be heard in this eerily quiet bus.

“Get out.” I seethe.