Page 26

I let her squirm for the next few days, the both of us playing a dangerous game of chicken.

There’s something about Ash that lights a fire inside of me in all the worst ways.

It’s not a slow burn or a comfortable warmth, but an untamed wildfire that incinerates everything in its path.

It’s intense and destructive and everything that’s wrong in this world, yet I sit here and hang onto the magical pill that will make all our problems disappear just to see if she’ll make the first move. To see if she’ll come to me for once.

This whole situation has robbed me of any decent sleep, so I lay here in my bed – alone – at six in the morning thinking about the little blonde she-devil.

As all my thoughts melt together like a box of crayons left outside in one-hundred-and-ten-degree weather, I decide I’ve had enough of this shit.

Without thinking, since my mind is an utter mess, I rip myself from my bed, slip into some clothes, and bulldoze my way through the bus.

Ash jolts up from the couch, her eyes widening as I trample forward, ripping her from the leather with a tug of her wrist. I toss her over my shoulder before storming out the door into the brisk morning air.

“Put me down, asshole!” She growls into my back.

I drop her to her feet, her naked arms prickling with goosebumps, her nipples poking through her thin tank top. She crosses her arms, rubbing at her skin, trying to warm herself.

“What do you want?” Ash snips, her lips pinched angrily.

“I want you to admit this isn’t all my fault.” I narrow my eyes, begging her to lessen this guilt I've felt for days.

“It is all your fault!” She shoves me.

Her eyes are bright against the darkness that surrounds them. She looks like she’s slept as much as I have.

“You didn’t tell me no. You didn’t say anything! Actually, if I remember correctly, you were screaming my name and begging for more!” I argue, a cloud of condensation expels from my mouth on a curt laugh.

“Fine! Yeah, I made another mistake!”

Now I’m really laughing. “Seriously?”

“I warned you,” she drops her tone. “Any kiss you ever give me, won’t count, so what makes this any different?”

I stare at her bewildered, my hands on my hips. I don’t know what I expected when I dragged her out here. A truce? Clearly that’s never going to happen. She’s living on another planet if she thinks I’m going to just let this go.

I step into her, the muscles in her body twitch at my closeness. I run the back of my finger down the side of her face before digging my hand into the hair at the nape of her neck.

Yanking, I force her to look up at me. “The other night, you gave me something you’ve never given to anyone else in this entire world. You let me take you, pleasure you, and I had you begging for more.” I dip my face to her ear. “I came inside of you, Eris. That’s the difference.”

She shutters against me, and I like to think it’s not from the cold. With that small victory, I let go of her hair and hand her the box of Plan B. Reluctantly, she takes it, pissed that she knows I’m right.

I turn to head back into the bus, halting when I hear her groan.

“What?” I demand without facing her.

“Did you even read the back of the box?” She asks.

I stiffen because no, that’s for her to do. Slowly, I spin, inching back towards her.

“Why would I have done that?”

She shoves the box into my chest, crushing it for good measure.

I rip it from her hands, reading the directions on the back.

I nod, but a sarcastic kind of nod, the kind where you know you fucked up and find it hilarious because the shit-storm you’re in is all your fault, but better yet, you even saw it coming from miles away.

“It’s been more than seventy-two hours. It’s useless.” She scoffs.

“So, what now?” I look to her as if she has all the answers when I know for a fact neither of us have ever been in this situation before.

She smirks, crossing her arms and jutting her hip to the side. “Guess I’ll start calling you Daddy.”

I can’t help the chuckle that bubbles from my lips. It’s not funny, this entire predicament is actually pretty terrifying, but no point in panicking yet. “I don’t hate the sound of that. Especially coming from your lips.”

She rolls her eyes, scowling again. It’s cute as hell because I know she thinks she’s being tough, but she should know by now that her anger is like food for strays, I’ll just keep on coming back.

I crowd her, pushing her up against the bus, her chest caged by my arms as I lean into her. She avoids my gaze, pretending she wants nothing to do with me, but I know it’s all show.

“On the plus side, that’s nine months of worry-free fucking.” I tease in her ear.

“Ugh!” Her eyes pierce me with a spear of hatred as she shoves me away from her. “You're insane if you think we’re doing that again and don’t forget, this tour is only six months. By month nine, you’ll be long forgotten, just a completed job assignment.”

“Now you’re just being hurtful.” I tease half-heartedly, rubbing my chest.

She rolls her eyes. “Shut up, like you care. Can we just get inside? It’s cold out here.”

I step out of her way, letting her pass me to the door, her eyes catching mine briefly. They tell me she’s angry, that she’s confused, but also that she’s a liar. As much as she likes to pretend she hates me, her body says otherwise.

The drive to New Mexico is awkward at best. The guys’ lounge at the kitchen table, Koke strumming his guitar while Than hums along, creating a melody.

Hypnos is sipping on a beer like its water, every now and then tapping a beat out on the table.

I can’t bring myself to join them, my creativity clouded by the hailstorm named Ash.

I need things between us to be better than they are because right now, it’s ruining me. I never thought I would say this, but I’m throwing up a white flag for the sake of my team. They need me to be better than the distracted, raging, animal I have been since Ash arrived .

Begrudgingly, but of my own will, I grab a couple beers from the fridge and plop my ass down on the couch, crushing the tops of Ash’s feet.

She glances at me with a deep scowl as I offer her one of the beers.

She doesn’t move to take it, reminding me how stupid that gesture is, so I table it for myself later.

I sigh heavily, watching the guys and taking a sip of my beer. I contemplate what I want to say to her because truthfully, I’m not sure that I know how to talk to her without dousing everything in kerosene and lighting it on fire.

I clear my throat, “Can we talk?”

“Are you going to say something stupid?” She quips.

I have to give it to her; the girl makes me smile. It’s been a very long time since someone’s been able to do that.

“No, well I hope not.”

She shrugs, “Then I guess.”

I scratch the scruff under my mask, the hairs on my chin longer than they usually are. Shaving hasn’t exactly been on the top of my mind lately.

“I’m sorry... again.” I start.

She sighs, sitting up a little straighter causing her toes to wiggle under my thigh, but doesn’t retract them. “Our business is between us. Not them. They didn’t need to know I was a virgin or that after you I wasn’t or that you had to buy me Plan B.”

I nod, “I get it.

“Good.” She huffs.

“Can we just get along now? I kind of miss my roommate.” I lean my head back against the window behind me.

“Fine, but no funny business. I’m still annoyed with you.”

I give her a scout's honor with my fingers crossed behind my back. She laughs, shoving me playfully and I feel like I can breathe again. As much fun as it’s been riling her up, it’s also been painful. Like a knot you keep tugging tighter instead of unthreading.

“Can I ask you something?” I take another sip of my beer.

“Shoot.” She says, wrapping her arms around her knees, her face just a little closer now.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.

She tugs at the skin on her bottom lip wondering if she should confide in me.

“In the spirit of starting over?” I persuade.

“Fine.” She concedes, her fingers wringing together anxiously.

“I got a lot of shit about being a virgin in high school, even more in college. I’ve just always hated talking about it.

It shouldn’t be a big deal, but everyone always made it one.

Like I'm a loser or that something must be wrong with me to still be a virgin at twenty-three.”

“Were you saving yourself for marriage?”

She drops her head back onto the armrest, staring at the ceiling of the bus. “No.”

“Then why go through all the trouble?”

“Are you saying I should’ve just had sex with one of the many assholes that wanted it from me just to make my life easier?” She argues, her eyes darkening.

“Well, no.” I say. “I'm just trying to understand the why?”

She pinches her lips to the side in thought. “It’s complicated.”

"So is life.” I counter.

Her eyes meet mine and she searches for a reason to tell me. She’s hesitant, untrusting, and wishing so badly to finally say these things out loud. I can see the words begging for an escape, for someone to eat them up for her, to take away all her pain.

“God, where do I start?” She laughs.