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Chapter Twenty-Three

Ashton

C racking my eyes open, I turn to find Khaos draped over my bed.

His limbs spread out in every direction, barely covered by my blanket.

My mouth waters as the muscles in his back contract lightly with each slow breath, his scars stretching with the movement.

I’ve traced each one a hundred times, but it never seems enough.

Even though the wounds have long since healed, I still have the urge to take away all his pain.

To erase every mark on his skin as if it can turn back time.

I can’t let myself linger too long because it’s Christmas Eve. In a quiet rush, I slip out of bed and yank on my leggings before momentarily leaving my apartment to collect my mail. Luckily, my gift came on time for tomorrow.

A sudden surge of insecurity bubbles inside my stomach.

Part of me thought that my gift was stupid and not something you give to a person you’ve only just met, but I wrap the present anyway and place it under the tree.

My body jumps out of its skin when I hear my bedroom door open.

Pushing myself to my feet, I back away from the tree not wanting to draw attention to it.

“What are you doing?” He asks, wondering why I’m awkwardly standing in the middle of my living room.

“Stretching.”

He pinches his lips and nods his head, “Then what’s that?”

I shake my head pretending I don’t understand.

He laughs, pulling me into him. “You’re a shitty liar, Ash.”

“Rude.”

He clears his throat, one of his hands threading in his hair at the back of his head.

“I didn’t get you anything.”

“Good. I didn’t expect anything.” I reassure him, but he still wears a pained expression. “Seriously! What I got you is nothing, really. You’ll laugh when you see it.”

He nods, “Well I can’t wait.”

Turning into him, I wrap my arms around his waist, and he holds me, resting his lips on the top of my head.

“I need to tell you something.” I say, my words hitting his naked pecs.

“Okay.”

“Musical Genius is hosting a New Year’s Eve party and I’m required to go, but... I thought maybe you could come with me?”

“As your date?” He chuckles, pulling away from me to find my face.

“Yeah, why not? I’d love to see you in a suit.” I quirk my brow, imagining the sight.

He answers with a long sigh, contemplating the thought of attending a party that requires mingling.

“Is that a yes then?”

“I’ll go under one condition.” He pulls me over to the couch, yanking my hips until I’m straddling him .

“And what’s that?”

“I don’t want to have to hide anything between us. I don’t think I can keep my hands off you, even for just one night.” He answers, my face cupped between his hands.

“And what exactly is it that we have between us, Khaos?” I challenge, desperate for him to tell me this thing is something more than we’re both admitting.

“It’s my cock and he’s extremely impatient right now.” He smiles, shifting me so I’m lying on the couch.

A scream flies from my mouth as I try to escape his playful torture. His fingers tickle my sides, his mouth sucking the skin of my neck. My laughs quickly turn into moans as his playfulness melds into a brooding lust, his fingers forever finding ways to coax an orgasm from me.

“I can’t wait to see your boss.” He murmurs along my jaw. “How will it make you feel when he knows how loud you scream my name at night or how you beg me to defile you in filthy ways?”

I shudder, “You wouldn’t dare.”

His teeth graze my cheek as his lips stretch into a menacing grin.

“Will your face flush every time he looks at you and knows that your cunt’s favorite meal is my come?”

His fingers skim over my center underneath my leggings in teasing and torturous strokes.

“Stop.” I warn on a choppy breath.

“How you loved letting me stretch your ass.” He groans, plunging into me.

My back bows, arching off the couch. Words evade me, the only sound leaving my lips are desperate cries. He hovers and watches my face closely, his lips barely brushing mine.

“How your body breaks so easily beneath my touch.”

"Khaos.” I croon .

“That’s it, Ash. Break for me.”

My body quakes, racketing with violent shivers as he steals yet another piece of me. He drags his fingers out slowly as I come down from a high I can never get enough of. I peel my eyes open, finding him studying my face like he always does. His golden eyes shimmering with need.

“I’ll go with you to your party Ash, but I will not pretend that there’s nothing going on here, not even for your boss.”

“I’m well past denying my attraction to you, Khaos.” I admit, sighing.

His thick, dark brows furrow, the tips of his black bangs tickling my forehead.

“Is that all this is to you? Acts on physical attraction?” His tone isn’t bitter or argumentative.

“You tell me.”

He combs a hand through his hair, looking away.

I don’t know how to respond to his question.

When I look back on our time spent together it’s a rollercoaster of devastation and calamity.

Nothing good has come from what we’ve created together, apart from how we make each other’s bodies feel.

This isn’t a fairytale romance, it’s reality.

“Ash-” he starts, but I don’t want to know.

I shush him with a finger to his lips. “Don’t. It’s fine. Let’s not think about it too hard right now.”

My heart wouldn’t be able to handle his rejection even if the wall I built was made of steel and brick. Instead, I’m choosing to just live in the moment and this post-orgasm afterglow. Thankfully, he drops it, and saves the awkwardness lingering in the air between us by turning on a rom-com.

For the rest of the day, we don’t move, sprawled on the couch together.

We get through three different Hallmark holiday movies, eat cookies, and drink spiked hot chocolate.

It’s probably the most normal thing we’ve ever done, and a little nagging voice in the back of my head wonders what it would be like if we did have a future together.

It’s a dangerous thought, one that I try to push past because in just a month we will be living completely separate lives.

Khaos is a rock star touring the country and I’m just a journalist, bound to one city.

I’m jolted from my sleep when the ground beneath me shakes, my body feeling unstable. When I open my eyes, I realize that the earthquake I experienced was just Khaos adjusting beneath me on the couch. I had fallen asleep on top of him last night and it seems we haven’t moved.

Giggling, I rub my eyes, adapting to the blinding morning light filtering through the half-open curtains. Khaos groans, stretching his limbs, his muscles flexing beneath his skin. As I crawl over him, his hands catch my hips, pinning me down against his pelvis.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“To the bathroom.” I laugh.

“Sexy.” He grunts, releasing me.

“You asked!” I call back to him before I close the bathroom door.

Moments later, we find ourselves side by side, laughing at each other through the bathroom mirror, our toothbrushes stuffed inside our mouths.

It’s ridiculous honestly. When you imagine the dark, broody, mysterious lead singer of Night’s Deadly Deeds, you don’t picture him shirtless with basketball shorts on in your bathroom brushing his teeth next to you.

Yet, here he is, hair a mess with toothpaste dribbling down his chin before he’s spitting into the sink. It’s so... normal.

There’s that word again... normal. Something I’ve strived to be for most of my life and have somehow never achieved it.

Now I realize it’s because normality is ever changing.

Forever just out of my grasp like a kaleidoscope changing colors.

If I’m pink, then normal is red. If I’m red, then normal becomes purple.

Standing beside Khaos, I can understand that maybe this moment might be normal, but everything outside of it isn’t and that’s okay because if being in the presence of this man means I’m falling farther away from what’s considered normal, then I want nothing to do with the concept.

After our shower, I make us coffee and we settle back into the couch.

Taking a sip, I peer over to his present sitting under the tree.

My stomach swirls with anxiety, wondering how he’s going to perceive this gift.

Deep down, I think I know how he feels about me and I about him, but there’s still this thin wall that refuses to drop between us.

My guard is up, it has to be because I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

He has the power to bring me to my knees and worship his existence and that is terrifying.

Especially when there are millions of people doing the same, so what makes me so special?

He may hear my prayers but, in the end, may choose never to answer them.

“Okay, I don’t think I can wait any longer.” He finally says, nudging his head to the culprit of my spiraling thoughts.

Slowly, I push to my feet, picking up the present.

Handing over a poorly wrapped gift, I grumble, “It’s probably stupid, but here you go. Merry Christmas.”

Khaos takes it from my hands, peering up at me.

“Ash, you could literally wrap your shit and give it to me, and I would still cherish it.”

“Gross.” I scrunch my nose in disgust. “Well, fortunately for you, it’s not my shit.”

He chuckles, sliding his thumb under a flap that’s been taped down.

Pulling out a manilla envelope, he quirks a curious brow.

Inside is a certificate and a map to a star that I’ve named after him.

My heart freezes inside my chest, my breath caught in my lungs as he looks through it with an unreadable expression.

Finally, his gaze finds mine. “Why?”

My mouth pops open, blindsided by his question.

Why?

Why did I name a star after him?

I’ve known Khaos for maybe five months now, so why on Earth would I do something that feels so sentimental?

“I-I just-” my mouth flounders trying to find the right words.

My feet instinctively retreat when he stands.

He drops the papers to the coffee table and creeps forward.

That heart inside of me that was once frozen is now kicked into overdrive, thumping so loudly that it’s the only sound in the room.

His brows are dipped causing him to look angry with me, but I don’t know why that would be his reaction.

“I told you, it’s stupid.” I try to dismiss the gift, desperate to stop the feeling of rejection wrapping around my throat.

Suddenly, my back is against the living room wall and he’s crowding me, always the hungry lion ready to pounce.

“Why a star?” He asks again, his arms caging me in.

“I just-” I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut.

I’m already embarrassed, so what’s the worst thing that could happen if I just tell him?

“Khaos, you are not made for this world, you were made to rule over it. You belong to the universe and once I’m gone, at the very least, I can look up into the sky at night and know you’re still there. ”

My face floods with heat, humiliation from my admission striking every chord inside of me creating an out of tune melody.

Before I can run away and hide, his hands are fisting tightly in my hair and his mouth is crashing down on mine.

The suddenness of the kiss has me stunned, the reaction completely unexpected.

As his mouth moves along mine, his tongue pressing between my lips, I let myself melt into him.

My hands find his back and I press him to me, relishing his warmth against my skin.

“Am I your God, Eris?” He breathes between ravenous kisses.

“If you are, then what does that make me?” I counter.

He rips my mouth from his with a rough yank of my hair, my head nearly slamming into the wall behind me.

“The reason I choose to stay on Earth.”

His heated gaze dares me to deny his unapologetic words and even though it’s everything I want to hear from him, it still doesn’t break my wall down completely. I’m starting to think that maybe I’m the only one that can release this barrier around my heart, I just need to figure out how.