Page 45

I sit there at the edge of the bed, stunned. I don’t know how to process the information he’s just given me, let alone how to feel about it.

Khaos... murdered someone. But, not only murdered... I can’t wrap my brain around it.

I’m horrified by his confession, so much so, it doesn’t even register with me that the soundtrack to my racing thoughts is of him retching from trauma.

Suddenly, all these terrible thoughts of what he’s done start to fade as I catch a glimpse of him sobbing in the bathroom.

I almost feel guilty, like I should feel bad for not consoling him.

It wasn’t his fault after all, but it’s a lot to throw on a person.

Especially, one that’s not your therapist.

By the time Khaos is slumped against the wall, I muster the courage to face him.

Slowly, I inch my way over to where he’s sitting as if I might scare him away, but he doesn’t move.

Crouching down, I lift one of his arms across my shoulder and help him stand.

He does so obediently, without ever looking at me, shame coloring his face, bleeding through his body movements.

I lay him down on the bed, crawling in beside him. “Have you ever told anyone else?”

He shakes his head silently.

“Why me?”

There’s a long pause as he breathes heavily, like it takes an insurmountable amount of effort to speak.

“I-I don’t know.” He admits. “You’re like this blinding light in the darkness.

It was too bright at first, too much for me to handle and then my eyes adjusted.

You let me dim you just the smallest bit and I have this urge now to savor your light.

To let it inside and hold me, to show me the way out of my nightmares. ”

“You’re light?” I question, wondering...

“You’ve always been my light.” He murmurs.

He’s delirious.

“I’ve only known you for a few months.” I remind him.

“The idea of you.” He finally clarifies.

I accept his answer for now, pushing that nagging curiosity away for later. It’s not like Khaos is of sound mind anyway.

Instead, I wrap my arm around him, finding his fingers and lace mine through them.

“I can be that for you... the light in your darkness.” I reassure him, pressing our tied hands to the center of his chest against his heart.

“Even after what I’ve done?” His voice breaks, another sob wavering on the edge.

I take a deep breath, the thought of pushing past his wrongdoings to see that he only did it for survival is extremely hard. Something that takes patience and practice, something that I might have to work at day after day, but something I feel in my heart that I have to do .

“Khaos, you survived. What you’ve done in your past, let it stay there. Let it be the reason you live now.” I tell him.

I can feel him swallow his shame. Even in this broken state, Khaos still holds a power over me that I don’t think I can ever shake. He’s confessed his sins to me, sins that rival half of the inmates at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Chicago.

He rolls onto his back, his bloodshot eyes staring up at the ceiling.

He’s broken. Shattered so thoroughly that I don’t think anyone could ever put him back together the same way, but all those broken pieces have somehow come together in one beautiful mosaic. Even if those pieces are stained red and only depict a sorrowful story.

“It doesn’t have to count.” I whisper. “Your past.”

I let that sink in for him before crushing my lips against his, ignoring the fact that he threw up just moments ago. This kiss isn’t meant to be anything more than acceptance. A tether to hold him to this world because he belongs, despite all the things he’s done.

We lay there entwined until sleep takes us, deep and dreamless.