Page 57

An unhinged groan barrels past my lips as I chuck my phone across the living room.

I watch as it bounces off the wall, leaving a small dent that I’ll eventually have to repair.

Khaos’ texts sit in my phone unanswered, but there’s an irrational anger that fills me to the brim at the lack of messages coming through today.

I’m not sure why I thought he would keep reaching out after I’ve given him no indication that I’m ready to talk, yet it doesn’t stop me from obsessively staring at my screen waiting to see his name.

Sam flinches next to me, my frustration startling her. If I wasn’t so distraught about my whole life being a lie, I might feel bad for freaking her out.

“What the hell?” She whines, growing tired of my outbursts.

“He’s driving me insane!” I growl, pushing to my feet to pace my living room again.

“How can he just drop a bomb like that on me and expect everything to just be okay? I didn’t trust him, didn’t even like him and you know what he did, Sam?

” She opens her mouth to answer because I’ve only told her a hundred times now, but I don’t bother to let her speak.

“He forced me to trust him, to fucking fall in love with him! I fell in love with someone that doesn’t exist!

I fell in love with a fraud! I was freaking cat fished! ”

“Jesus, Ash.” Sam interrupts my tirade. “You weren’t catfished. He’s the same person you’ve known for the last five months, but he’s also the same person you knew ten years ago. I understand it’s hard to merge the two-”

“Merge the two? He was DEAD! I kneeled by his grave for years, visiting him because I was afraid he would be lonely. Guilt gnawed away at my insides until I felt like I was nothing but a shell of myself because I was the reason he was gone. I spent prom in a dress at the cemetery, wishing I was dancing with him to my favorite songs, desperate to hear how much he hated each and every one of them! Sam, I grieved so heavily that it became the only thing I could feel for years, and do you know who pulled me out of it?” Again, I don’t wait for her to respond.

“ME! I pulled myself together and moved on with my life only to end up falling for a dead man with more demons than hell itself!”

“I get it, you’re shocked and hurt.” Sam coos, trying to get me to sit back down.

“How can you get it? How can anyone? I don’t even get it! He didn’t even have the decency to spare me all that heartache, to spare me from this heartache. He just blew through my life like an entitled God, took what he wanted, and left me empty and broken once again.”

“Maybe it would help to tell him all that. He couldn’t have known how long you held on for, how devastated his loss made you. He only knew what he was going through.”

No part of me wants to hear this. Rationality is not my friend right now. I want to sulk, to be pissed off, to rage. I didn’t want Sam forcing logic into my head because logic is a firehose that douses burning cities and right now, I really want the world to burn.

I stomp over to the coat closet, stuffing my feet in my Converse and ripping my jacket from the hanger.

“Where are you going?” She questions, eyes wide with confusion.

“To get ice cream.” I grumble, using any excuse to just get out of this stuffy apartment.

“We can Door Dash it. It’s almost ten at night. You know you shouldn’t be walking around the city this late, especially with everything going on. James said that-”

“James?”

“Hypnos.” Sam blushes and it infuriates me that she’s on a real name basis with him when I’m in this situation from hell. “He said there are news anchors up their ass and that we should probably watch out for them as well.”

I inhale a deep breath, the air thick with pandemonium.

A strangled cry bursts from my mouth in answer. I slam the door behind me, refusing to let her say another word.

Guilt tickled the back of my brain for treating my friend so poorly when all she’s trying to do is make sure I’m okay, but the truth is that I’m far from it and there are so many other emotions clawing their way to the top, competing against one another.

I’m in such a daze that it doesn’t occur to me that Sam was right. Before the polluted city air can even reach my lungs, there’s a tap on my shoulder from behind.

Reluctantly, I spin, ready to tear this person a new one...

Instead, everything goes black.