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“And I’m sorry that I got pregnant,” I said, standing up and grabbing the ultrasounds from his desk.
“Heart…” he said, standing up, too.
“I think it’s best if you don’t call me. Don’t come by. I need some space.”
I walked swiftly to the door and slammed it behind me. Not caring what others thought, I raced through the lobby and it wasn’t until I was out of the elevator and out of the building that I finally let the tears flow.
Chapter 28
Daniel
I knew I should have gone after Heart, but I didn’t. My feet felt like they were glued to the floor of my office as I helplessly watched her walk out the door, its slam still echoing in my ears. I sunk in my desk chair and ran my hands through my hair, frustrated.
I had never seen her so angry, or heard her voice so sharp. Granted, I was still getting to know her and all the sides of her, but that one hurt. It was a side I didn’t ever want to see, and it was one I had caused.
Stupidly, I should have known that sneaking around with her would hurt her. I kept saying it was to protect her. To protect that baby. That was true, but it was also because I wasn’t ready to face the judgment of the tabloids. It would ruin my image. My company’s image.
It had nothing to do with Heart or where she lived or what she looked like. I didn’t care about any of that. I found her to be the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I hated that my actions had brought out such ugly insecurities.
If the press found out about us and the baby, they wouldn’t just tear me apart, they would go after her, too. I didn’t want that for her. I wished she could see that. Our worlds were just so different. She would never understand what it was like to be splashed all over newspapers and gossip sites. I didn’t want her to ever experience that.
I didn’t know she was coming today. I didn’t even know what day it was after the weekend I’d had. I spent half the time going over the contracts for the London deal that had important holes in them that had been overlooked in underwriting, and the other half wondering how the hell I was going to be a father.
That was why I didn’t invite her back to my place after dinner on Friday, and I could see on her face the flicker of disappointment. Disappointment that I felt, too. More than anything, I wanted to bring her home and get her back in bed and forget everything. But it wasn’t that easy. This baby was coming whether we addressed it or not. And I was scared shitless.
It seemed like the only one who had faith in me was Heart, and now I wasn’t so sure. Freddy made it clear he didn’t think he could do it. The exact words didn’t come out of his mouth, but I saw it in the way he eyed me as he took a sip of wine at dinner. He could smile and pat me on the back all he wanted, but deep down he thought this whole thing was crazy. And he was right.
I couldn’t be a dad. Hell, I couldn’t even be a one-woman kind of guy. At least, I hadn’t been up until this point. Now, I had just potentially lost the one woman I wanted to be with because I let my insecurities get the best of me. I had to fix this.
I picked up my phone and tried calling Heart. It rang two times before I was sent to voicemail.
“Fuck,” I said, slamming my phone on my desk.
I should have stopped her. Gone after her. I should have looked at the damn ultrasounds. There were a million things I could have done better in the five minutes she was in this office.
I just knew that if I saw the baby, and how it had grown and changed, I would have grown even more attached to it than I already was. I couldn’t risk that, not if there was a possibility I wasn’t in his or her life. It was more for the baby’s benefit than mine. I would probably just screw everything up.
I sat back in my chair and looked up at the ceiling, wondering what I should do. She said she wanted space, and it seemed like she meant it. I just didn’t know if I could give it to her.
The following weeks dragged on. I didn’t try to call Heart again. I didn’t make the drive to Brooklyn that I had grown quite fond of. I gave her what she asked for, but only because I knew we couldn’t stay apart for long. We were tied to each other because of the baby. She would have to talk to me eventually. Wouldn’t she?
I guessed she had the check. The check that would change her life and allow her to comfortably take care of herself and the baby. I wondered if writing it had been a hasty mistake. I just wanted her to know that I cared. That I was there for her.
A few Fridays after our double date, I was getting ready for a fundraising event that was held every year. As I put on my tux and tightened my bowtie, I thought of all the places I would rather be than schmoozing with the socialites of Manhattan. I wondered what Heart was doing too. Like I had wondered every day since she walked out of my office and left a void in my life.
As Armand pulled up to the Plaza Hotel, the cameras were flashing before I had even exited the car. I sighed in frustration before plastering on a smile as Armand opened my car door. The cameras were blinding as I walked the red carpet, giving a wave and buttoning my tux as my publicist had advised. It looked good for pictures, she said.
The demands and questions began filling my ears as the press shouted.
“Mr. Jacobs! Mr. Jacobs!”
“Over here!”
“To your right, Mr. Jacobs!”
“When is the wedding?”
“Where is Ms. Shipley tonight?”