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“Look, I just came to try and fix things between us. Please, can we just—”
“Can we just what?” my mother interrupted. “Pretend you haven’t ruined your future? I thought the nonprofit had been bad, but this…I don’t know how we could ever look at you the same.”
My eyes stung with tears, but I refused to show her that her words affected me. I would not appear weak in front of my mother. If I could even call her that. Here, I thought seeing her would make things better. That maybe seeing my growing belly would make her soften. Instead, seeing her made me realize I wanted to be nothing like the mother she was.
Chapter 36
Daniel
“Welcome to the St. Regis, Mr. Jacobs. I am Reva,” said the woman in the crisp, white linen suit.
“Thank you,” I said as I looked behind her at the crystal-clear, teal-blue waters sprinkled with little huts with straw roofs. I couldn’t believe I was here. Just over twenty-four hours ago, Brody was in my office convincing me that a vacation would be good for me. Then we were booking a first-class flight from New York to Bora Bora that night. It was all too surreal.
“I hope your flight here didn’t feel too long,” said Reva.
“It wasn’t too bad.”
The eighteen-plus hours were spent drinking Bloody Marys and watching in-flight movies, or sleeping in my private compartment. I felt bad for anyone who wasn’t in first class. I didn’t know how anyone flew that long in economy. That would be hell on earth. Or hell in the sky.
“Please, enjoy some complimentary champagne as our welcome to you.” Reva waved over a server who quickly arrived, balancing a tray with a single glass of champagne and an array of tropical flowers.
“Thank you,” I said, taking the glass. I took a long sip, the bubbles dancing down my throat.
A bell attendant came around with a gold cart and began carefully putting my luggage on the red velvet surface.
“We will have your luggage taken to your suite, but in the meantime, I would like to give you a tour of the grounds,” said Reva.
“Thank you, Reva.” I nodded.
She walked me through the expansive lobby with its white walls and woven ceiling. Bright tropical flowers were arranged in large vases. She introduced me to the concierge where I could make reservations or schedule excursions and activities. We walked to the open-air spa with views of the lush vegetation and the smooth ocean.
Reva and I continued making our way down the winding wooden paths until we arrived at my room, which was really a bungalow. It was the last one on the wooden path.
Reva opened the door with a keycard and pushed the door open.
“Welcome to the Royal Suite, Mr. Jacobs. I hope you find it to your liking. This is where I leave you. I hope you enjoy your stay with us. Please, don’t hesitate to ask for anything.”
“Thank you,” I said, slipping her a fifty-dollar bill.
I stepped past her into the room and heard the door click behind me. I walked into the living room, which looked out over a large deck and a rectangular pool. The doors were open and the ocean breeze met my face. To my right was the master bedroom with a large king bed covered in crisp, white linen in the center of the room, facing an unobstructed view of the ocean. I noticed the walk-in closet to my left was open and my luggage was already arranged neatly inside. The master bathroom had a jacuzzi tub and his and her sinks.
I was surprised how deceivingly small this bungalow looked from the outside.
I stepped out onto the deck with my champagne and looked out over the ocean. This was truly paradise. It was strange to be here by myself. Lonely even. I wished Heart were with me. This could have been our babymoon. I read that was a thing. Along with a push present, which I had already been thinking about. I guess I didn’t have to anymore.
She was always on my mind. I wanted to reach out to her again after the mess I had made at her work, but the way she looked at me made me not even try. I had seen her angry before, but not like that. There were sharp edges behind her words, and they cut deep.
I think it’s best we never see each other again.
I downed the rest of my champagne and shook my head, trying to get the echo of those words out. Trying to forget the pained look on her face. I kept blaming myself, but we both made choices we couldn’t take back.
I realized now that I didn’t really know her that well at all. It had only been a few months since we met on the terrace at my work. Little did I know that our lives would change after that day. In those months, nothing had ever been smooth. The waters of this ocean were smoother than anything between us.
We spent our time either fighting or fucking. There really wasn’t anything in between. We never took the proper time to get to know each other, and maybe that was partly my fault. It wasn’t what I did with women. I never spent enough time with one to get to know them. Maybe Heart was always that moody, or maybe the pregnancy hormones made her that way. Really, the whole time I had known her she had been pregnant. I never really knew her at all.
On top of everything, she had lost the baby. Whether naturally or planned, it was a lot for her. That would drive anyone into a pit. I just was sorry I wasn’t there to help her through it.
I was also sorry for us and what we could have had. The thought was almost too much to bear. I never even knew what we were going to have—A boy. A girl. There was no point in thinking about it now, and that was heart-wrenching.