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Shelley was never known for her punctuality.
“I’ll see you soon!”
I heard the phone click on the other line. I walked to the door and grabbed my purse from the small entryway table. Before I closed the door behind me, I looked around my apartment, which had now become baby central. Every time I looked at the beautiful gold crib, or the small clothing rack that was adorned with tiny onesies, my heart swelled. Baby’s due date was getting closer every single day.
I was excited, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. As much support as I received from Monica and the small amount of relief I had because of my new job, I knew I was in over my head. It would be so much easier to do this with a partner. With Daniel. While everything he had bought for the baby had been more than enough to bring new life into this world, I wanted so much more. I wanted the loving home that a baby needed. That a baby deserved.
It wasn’t even just about the baby.Ineeded him. I missed him more than I liked to admit. I found myself Googling him or flipping through magazines as if I enjoyed the torturous words and pictures that the press published. It hurt, but at least I got to see him. At least I got to get a glimpse into his life.
The story about him and Kiera had died down, much to my relief. They were focusing more on his business deal with London, which I was proud of him for. I knew that his business deals were what he wanted to be known for.
I also realized how big the deal was, and maybe that I had expected too much from him that day in his office when I had showed up unexpectedly. Looking back, I should have been more understanding, now that I knew the kind of stress he must have been under. I had let my insecurities rear their ugly head. The ones that always told me that I wasn’t enough. Maybe it’s something my parents had ingrained in me when I started to make choices they didn’t approve of.
I walked down the stairs. Actually, I more so waddled down. I noticed Edna’s door was open and I knew I wasn’t getting out of there without her striking up her usual curious conversation.
“Addison!” she called from the doorway.
I smiled at just how predictable she was. She stood at the door, stroking Beatrice in her arms.
“Hello, Edna,” I said cheerfully.
I couldn’t really be irritated with her. She was who she was. An old, lonely landlord who lived vicariously through the tenants of her building.
“You look very nice tonight. Hot date?”
“Oh, yes,” I said sarcastically. “Everyone is lining up to take me out.” I rubbed my bump and winked at her.
“You know…I haven’t seen that handsome guy in the suit in a while,” she commented.
“Neither have I,” I replied with a shrug.
“I really thought you two might have something,” she said.
“Oh?” I asked.
“I guess I was wrong.” She sighed before nuzzling Beatrice.
So was I,I thought.
“You know, if you ever need anything. Just holler, okay? I absolutely love babies.”
“Really?”
I was surprised. As old as Edna was, I never saw any children or grandchildren visit. She really was just the old cat lady. Or so I thought.
“Oh, yes. I have five grandkids, but they live across the country and I’m scared to fly. My daughters don’t make it out to New York as much as I’d like. They’re busy with their own lives. I get it…” She looked down at Beatrice and stroked her soft fur.
I couldn’t help but feel bad for her.
“You can come visit us anytime,” I said with a reassuring nod.
A hopeful looked passed through her eyes. “Thank you,” she said softly.
I thought she might cry, but she just smiled and stepped back into her apartment, closing the door gently behind her.
As I rode the subway into Manhattan, I thought about the friends that would become the baby’s family. They might not be blood, but they had a lot of love to give. That was more than my parents or anyone else would give.
When I walked into Bemelman’s my eyes shifted toward the end of the bar where Daniel and I had sat all those months ago. I half expected him to be there. Sidled up on a barstool in a dark, expensive suit with whiskey in his hand. But he wasn’t there. The empty seat just made it even more clear how vacant he was from my life.