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They look startled, like they had been caught.
“We’re just worried about you,” said Brody with a shrug.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“Are you?” asked Freddy.
I thought for a moment before letting out a sigh. I had been shutting them out for months, and where had that got me? Being alone with my thoughts wasn’t getting me anywhere. In fact, it was driving me crazy.
“I never thought I would say this,” I started. “But I really want to be a dad.”
Brody looked at me wide-eyed and took a long sip of beer.
“I know. Weird, right?” I said.
“Nah,” offered Freddy.
“I had never really thought about it, but then once there was a possibility and that possibility was ripped away from me, it’s all I can think about,” I said, grabbing the eight ball and rolling it across the table mindlessly.
“Well, you still have time,” offered Freddy. “It will happen one day when you meet the right one.”
“I already did,” I said softly.
“Right…” Brody’s voice trailed off as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.
We didn’t talk about this kind of stuff. Not because we didn’t want to, it’s just neither of us had been in any sort of relationship in a long time. Not one that was serious enough to have parenthood on the table.
“What are you going to do about it?” asked Freddy, raising an eyebrow.
I looked at him curiously.
“She’s still pregnant with your baby. You’re obviously crazy about her. Maybe you can have it all.”
“I want to…” I admitted. “I just don’t even know where to start.”
“Well, let’s get another round of beers and we can come up with something,” said Brody, slapping me on the back.
I laughed as I followed him to the bar. I really should give my friend and my brother more credit. For the first time in a while, I felt hopeful. Like maybe my birthday wish might come true.
Chapter 51
Addison
I rolled onto my other side, trying to get comfortable in the hospital bed, but deemed it impossible. I felt like a boulder ping-ponging slowly between the guard railing. I let out a heavy sigh and reluctantly sat up, although the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. The baby had been kicking all night, and while I loved the feeling, I didn’t love it as much at 4 a.m.
Monica sat slumped in a chair, her chin resting on her chest as she slept. I had told her she could go home, but she had insisted on staying after the doctor told me I needed to stay not one, but two nights to be monitored. Just to be on the safe side. I smiled sleepily over at her and realized that the hospital bed didn’t seem so bad in comparison to the chair she was in.
I lay back and stared at the ceiling, feeling the baby do somersaults inside of me. I placed my hand gently on my stomach and closed my eyes, soaking in this moment. To know the baby would be earthside soon made me realize these kicks were fleeting.
I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty that Daniel was missing these moments. I shook the thought away and tried to focus on something else. Like Monica’s book.
While it was a little weird to hear a version of my story typed in her poetic prose, there was a magic to it. It wasn’t my reality, but it was a version of it that I had so badly wanted at some point. She depicted my character perfectly. Stubborn, fiercely loyal, and independent. And even though she had met Daniel once, she seemed to have written his character effortlessly. Ridiculously handsome, smart, and scared.
I couldn’t blame him for that last part, which was also why it was better to do this on my own. As much as I wished we could have a happy ending, there were too many messes that were made along the way. Too much uncertainty. I wanted to give the baby stability. While I didn’t really have the financial means, I could at least give him or her the emotional stability. I could give them love. Unfaltering love.
“Whatchya thinking about?” asked Monica groggily.
I looked up and saw her staring at me curiously with a sleepy expression on her face.