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I should have picked up the damn ultrasound when she came by my office. I should have given her the time of day. She and the baby should have come first before business. Before everything else.
And I should have been there for her when she lost the baby. I wish she had trusted me enough to tell me what was going on, so I could have helped her. So I could have supported her. So I could have held her.
I would give anything to hold her again.
I ran my thumb over the photo and felt my eyes sting with tears. I had lost so much. So had Heart.
“Sir…we’re here,” said Armand cautiously, breaking me from my thoughts.
I hadn’t even noticed the car had come to a stop. I looked out the window and realized we were at work. I quickly tucked the photo back in my jacket pocket as Armand walked around to my door. He pulled it open and I stepped out onto the sidewalk. I took a few steps toward my building, but turned around before I reached the door.
“I’m sorry, Armand,” I said.
“It’s quite all right, sir.”
“It’s not. I’m just going through it.”
He nodded knowingly. “You miss her, don’t you?”
I opened my mouth, surprised by his question. We had always kept it professional and private. But I realized that Heart had been a constant in my life for the past few months and Armand had been there for a lot of it. All the long drives from Manhattan to Brooklyn and back. Heart had always been so kind to him. Kinder than any other woman I had been with. She saw everyone simply as they were. Human.
I gave him a weak smile and walked inside the building, his question still ringing in my ears.
He was right.
I missed her so much.
Chapter 43
Addison
I applied a quick coat of lip-gloss and inspected myself in the floor-length mirror hanging in my closet. I turned sideways and looked at my growing belly that was on full display in the black sheath dress I had tugged on. Lovingly, I rubbed my stomach. Rather than being ashamed of it, I was proud. That was my baby.
I gave myself a quiet, feigned, confident nod of approval and walked to the kitchen where a pot of decaf coffee waited. I needed it. Even though there was no caffeine, I swore that it tricked my mind into thinking it was giving me the energy I needed after my sleepless night.
I couldn’t get comfortable lately. I was used to sleeping on my back or my stomach. My comfort positions, but those weren’t an option anymore. I tried using one of the large pregnancy pillows Daniel had gifted me. It helped a little, but mostly because it felt like someone was in bed next to me and I didn’t feel so alone.
But then I would wake up and realize I was holding something that resembled a stuffed pool noodle rather than a human being. Rather than Daniel. He was the first man I had woken up to in a very long time. Really, the first man I had been with in a while. I missed that morning we had together when he stayed the night here in my little loft apartment. Even though I had washed the sheets several times since then, I could still smell his cologne on them. Maybe it was just my imagination. A cruel little memory my heart wouldn’t let go of.
Since reading the tabloids a few nights ago, my pain was still raw. The pictures of him on a tropical vacation with his soon-to-be-fiancée were imprinted in my memory. Since then, I had tried avoiding the newsstands and the corner store. I didn’t want to see any other pictures or read any updates on him or his relationship.
I couldn’t believe he had moved on so quickly. But I didn’t have any right to be upset. I had pushed him out of my life. I had told him I never wanted to see him again. And really, how serious were we? We had only known each other for a few months, and really, the only thing that tied us together was the baby.
At first, it had just been a one-night stand. I thought I would never see him again, but life had other plans. If I had never gotten pregnant, I wouldn’t have called him or invited him back into my life. He would have just been some hot billionaire guy I once slept with.
Except, he wasn’t just that.
He was so much more, and that was why it was so hard to let go.
I took a sip from myI heart New Yorkmug and glanced around my loft. It was cramped in here, but it was ready to welcome the baby whenever he or she came. At least that was one part of my life that was sorted out. Sure, everything was a constant reminder of Daniel, but it was also a reminder of how I was about to become a mother. I was both terrified and elated.
Monica and I had spent all weekend unpacking and assembling furniture, including a cream glider that we put near the window where the morning sun hit just right. I imagined sitting there in the early mornings and nursing the baby. I smiled at the thought.
My phone rang on the counter next to me. I picked it up and saw Monica’s name on the screen.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Happy last day of work!” she exclaimed.