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“It’s Jason,” she hiccupped of her own volition, and the world beneath my feet completely shattered.
No.No, no, no.
You would think it would be chaotic when your world combusts.Noise, and pain, and chaos.But it was the exact opposite. Everything went still and quiet. The kind of silence that signals the aftermath of a deadly explosion, knocking everything off-kilter. Color bled from my world, and I fell into a dark hole with no visible way out; I was suffocating on the realization that something had happened to Jason.
“What?”I whispered from the darkness, the most terrified, broken word I’d ever spoken in my life. Tears shoved their way to the surface, and there was no blinking or pushing or forcing them back. “Mom!”I cried. “What are you saying?!” She hadn’t saidanythingsince rocking the foundation I’d always stood on. There was no way she was saying what I thought she was saying. Shecouldn’tbe saying what I thought she was saying.
“Yeah, sorry.” She scoffed. “It’s just your brother—he’s getting married.Married.Did I not teach you twoanything?” She sniffled, and anger immediately spilled through my veins, flooding my system with a litany of curse words I wanted to hurl at her. They got tangled up with the fear and terror of the past most infinitely long thirty seconds of my life.
“What?”I spat.
“He’s getting married! To some harlot he hardly knows.”
I took a breath. And another. And about fifteen more before striding closer. My hands were clenched into two tight fists. I never would’ve actually laid a hand on my mother, but I had also never wanted to slap her more in all the years I’d been alive.
“Jason? He’s fine. Is that what you’re saying?” The last words broke on my lips. Reality was shaky, fogged by the alternatives I’d imagined when she uttered Jason’s name—likehe had just fucking died.I could’ve killed her. I honestly could’ve killed her.
“What? Yes, he’s fine.I guess. If you consider making the biggest mistake of his lifefine.” She was so oblivious it made my blood boil.
“Mom!” I screamed. “You scared the shit out of me! Do you not get how that sounded? I thought something happened to him—I thought—” I broke and started crying. Full-on crying.
Jason was my foundation. My brother, my parental figure, my friend, my mentor, my pain in the ass, myeverything.
And Linda—god,Linda.
“I’m sorry, baby,” she said, her features pinched together in concern. “But this is just—”
“Get over yourself!” I shouted. “So, he’s getting married. So what! Big fucking deal! That means he’shappy,Mom!God!I can’t believe you.I could kill you right now!”
She was saying something, but I was done with listening. She waved a letter in the air, a letter I realized wasmine.I snatched it out of her hands and stormed outside, attempting to calm myself.
Though I wasn’t sure there was any use in trying.
Linda was officially insane. Off her rocker, take a gallon of meds, andcommitherself, kind of insane.
It took at least a thousand breaths before I felt even remotely calm. My heart was still pounding, anger still floating around in my system, just waiting to be ignited.
I’d been rocked from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other today, and I was…exhausted.
And then it hit me. Jason.Married.I rerouted my attention and burst out in hysterical, delirious laughter. I guess it would’ve come as a huge shock if it hadn’t been drowned out by Linda’s insanity. Now, I was justrelieved.
He was going to have a field day with what had just gone down.
I laid down on the driveway, tears drying in tracks down my cheeks. I didn’t bother to wipe them away.
The letter crinkled in my palm, and I smoothed it out on my lap before holding it up above my face.
Hey, kiddo.
I’m going to make this short and sweet, since I’d kind of just like to get to the point. I tried calling earlier today, but no one answered, and I didn’t want to run the risk of Linda finding out before you. (You’d chew my ass the fuck out.) And I won’t be able to call until next Sunday, so a letter it is.
I’m just going to come forward with it: I’m getting married.
I know. I KNOW.
But our last conversation got me thinking, and there’s this girl. Man, this girl. She’s my one, Olls. The one that makes all of Linda’s bullshit just that… bullshit.
We met the first day of training—and don’t be mad, but she’s the reason it took me a few days outside of training to get back home to you. I would’ve told you about her then, but I wasn’t sure of what I was feeling. It was new, and to be honest, I was in a bit of denial.