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Dirty. I felt dirty. In a way I wasn’t familiar with.
I guess I was going to be calling off the bet after all. But I decided to take it one step further than that.
I was going to tell Neil about it, too, and level out the playing field. Because, bet or not, I still planned on kissing him, and I didn’t want that hanging over my head when I did.
Chapter 5
Always Faithful
“Why are you even wearing your get-up anyway? Shouldn’t you be in ‘civilian’clothes?” I said, throwing up some air quotes.
“For effect.” Jason laughed. “Thought you might want to see me in my new gear. I hoped to maybe get a few tears out of you, too, but I see you’re still hardened to the core.” He nudged me.
I stared at him pointedly, still waiting for the more truthful version of that answer.
“And… I might’ve needed the women in the neighborhood to know a man in uniform was in town,” he added, and I laughed. That was more like it.
“If you’re so hard-up, take Mom’s card,” I joked.
His features curled up in disgust. A disgust directed at our mother and not me, of course. “No thanks.” His revulsion echoed in his words. “Linda, man. She’s really something, isn’t she?”
“No joke, I think she’s gotten worse since you left.”
“That’s really saying something.” He kicked his foot up onto the edge of the firepit in our backyard, leaning back in his chair, and finished the rest of his beer in one deep swig.
“I think she can taste her freedom and her wings have already spread for takeoff,” I said. Not that she didn’t clearly already have her freedom. She always had. Being a mother came second, since always. How she’d gotten away with it my entire life was only a testament to how determined she was to live her best life and live it for herself.
Selfish, I know. Absolutely. It was one of the many downsides to having Linda for a mother, but… she also gave me Jason, and he made up for everything she wasn’t and could never be.
I would’ve taken that over anything, and I did.
Was that too much pressure for a guy like him? Twenty and starting out his life on his own, having always taken care of his sister—cooking my meals, walking me to school, and tucking me in most nights when he’d just been a kid himself? I didn’t know. He never made it seem that way, though—like I was a burden, or a chore, or an annoying little sister.
I was certain that all the best parts of me were made up of the very best parts of him because of it.
And if that was the case, then our mother’s crazy—her chaos and self-centeredness and inability to settle—must’ve equaled my other half. I didn’t mind it too much.
“So, eighteen!” Jason cut through my thoughts. “You tiny little grownup. How’re you feeling about entering into adulthood?”
“Um… probably how I’ve been feeling for the last thirteen weeks,” I deadpanned.
“Touché.” He clinked his empty bottle against my chair, and it made a ringing noise that stretched out and faded off into nothing.
“I really missed you,” I said.
“I know, kiddo. I’ve missed you too. You know I don’t feel good about leaving you.” His eyebrows drew down, a crease forming between them.
“You should,” I assured him. “I’m glad you’re doing you.” He’d already put off doing his own thing for two years because of me; I didn’t want him putting his life on hold any longer than that. I could easily take care of myself. “And doing something good and honorable at that. I’m proud of you,” I added. I might have given him a truckload of shit about it before he left, but the truth was, I respected him and all that he was sacrificing. I didn’t think there was anything more honorable than willingly putting yourself at risk for the safety of a country and people you didn’t even know.
His eyes widened teasingly. “Are you telling me all I had to do was leave for a few weeks to get you to pay me a compliment?” he joked. “You’ve changed since I left, haven’t you? What is this life?” He looked around him in a mocking way, being a pain in my ass.
“Shut up.” I laughed. “You know I love you. It’s just my responsibility as your younger sister to make sure your head doesn’t get too big. It’s big enough as it is. In fact, I think you should see someone about that.” I held my hands up around my head, showing him the approximate size of his watermelon-shaped ego.
He smacked my hands down with a smile. “I can’t help it that I’m good-looking. It’s in the genes. Thank you, Linda!” he shouted up at our back windows. “Best thing she ever gave me,” he said in a regular voice again, sarcasm lacing his words.
“You’re welcome!” she screamed back a handful of seconds later. I snorted. Leave it to our mother to never miss a compliment.
The next two days raced by. I would’ve shoved a crowbar into the passing hours if I could’ve, sending time sizzling into the ether and halting it altogether. But obviously, I wasn’t living in a movie and the real world didn’t work like that.