Page 15

Ugh.How annoying real life could be. It’s why I loved movies so much, after all.
We’d stayed up late that first night. Jason told me all about his experience in the Marines so far, bootcamp and training and all that. Honestly, it sounded like a nightmare to me, but he detailed it all with a proud smile. Like charging into a room full of tear gas made him a better man and spending two-plus days marching forty miles on eight hours combined sleep and only two MRE meals to sustain him gave him a new sense of purpose. (They didn’t call it the Crucible for nothing.)
I believed him, though. I could see the differences in him. They were good differences—the light in his eyes, and the determined set of his shoulders. His smile was more relaxed, too.
I was glad for it.
And then he drilled into me about college, and I assured him I was going to be applying soon, but that wasn’t good enough for him. He made me apply to two right then and there, and then we headed off to bed at three in the morning.
The next day, we went to see—shocker—a movie. I forced him to watchDemon Dazewith me again, and he hated it just like everyone else I knew had hated it. Except Neil, of course.
Freaking Neil.
After that, he took me with him to a party at one of his friend’s houses. Which was a first. Never had I been allowed to tag along with him to one of his parties. (That’s not to say I hadn’t ever gone to one, becausehello, not a rule follower here.It was just that my brother didn’tknowabout it.)
This party, though. It was full of bad boys. Older, bad boys. My kind of boys. A familiar giddiness crept through me, but it was quickly sliced into pieces and obliterated by my evil brother.
“Don’t even think about it,”he’d said,and then he proceeded to beat off any interested parties with his proverbial bat, giving out a tongue lashing that marked me off-limits and underage to anyone listening.
So annoying.
It’s not like I wanted to hook up with them or anything. I was just interested in a tiny little distraction from my growing obsession withyou know who.
Was it really such a bad thing? (The obsession part, not the distraction.)Yes, andno, was the conclusion I’d come to. No, because attraction was natural, and just because it was homed in on one holy boy, in particular, didn’t make it weird. Okay, it did, a little bit, but that was beside the point. And yes, because…
It was a point I’d already made a hundred times, at least inside my own head, but he was practically an angel, and in comparison, I was the goddamn devil. He was too good for me.
Did I even stand a chance?
A chance in hell, maybe. Which is probably why I had no qualms about just coming out with what I wanted. He’d blush and choke on his spit a little and then turn me down, citing at least three commandments he’d be breaking for just thinking about it. And then? We’d move on.I’dbe able to move on. From this ridiculous, embarrassing, consuming need to make a move on Neil.
It occupied far more space in my mind than was healthy.
And yes, I got it, teenagers were hormonal creatures and sex and attraction was on our minds almost always. But we at least had the decency and smarts to fantasize within our realms of possibility,right?
Okay, maybe not. But this was different. This was complete opposites, and not ever going to happen, and weird and uncomfortable, and obviously a terrible idea. Not totally unheard of, the whole opposites attract thing, but kind of insane. Just like the idea of Neil and me ever actually being a thing.
Then why did the picture it painted in my headfeellike a good idea? A very good idea.Neil and I, hands touching, lips kissing, horizontal, vertical—whatever.It made my palms sweat just thinking about it.
Anyway.I swallowed.
This morning Jason and I had gone out mudding in his truck and he had me hanging on to the“Oh, shit”bar for two hours straight. My heart was just finding its familiar rhythm as we pulled into the parking lot at Inkcafé, my favorite half-coffee shop, half-bookstore.
Jason’s rumbling truck shuddered to a halt. He looked over at me and pressed his lips together, amused. “You used to live for this stuff. What happened to you this summer?”
“I still do,” I grumbled. “I think you being in the Marines has made you ballsier, though, you jerk-face.”
He laughed.
“Seriously. I mean it. We could’ve died back there, and then I’d have gone straight to hell far sooner than I ever planned on going.”
He rolled his eyes and pulled his door open. “Come on, crazy.”
I opened my door and hopped down onto the asphalt, neglecting to tell Jason that, technically, a lot could happen to change a person in one summer. So much that you wouldn’t even recognize them anymore when they once felt familiar to you.
I wasn’t thinking about anyone in particular. Not myself, and definitely not Neil. And that, right there, was a great testament to how well I could lie to myself.
Jason pulled me into his side as we walked into Inkcafé, and the intoxicating smell of coffee hit my nose. I swear, just breathing the air of it into my lungs gave my energy a little kick.