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He laughed through a slightly startled breath. “Is it terrible to say that I don’t know?”
“No.” I shook my head. I didn’t know what the hell we were doing either.
He seemed to like that answer. “I know that I’m attracted to you, though, and you make me laugh, and I find myself wanting to know you better.” He shrugged, leaving it at that.
I smiled. “Same.” He’d taken the mess of thoughts where we were concerned and laid them out so plainly. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, sure. Of course.” He shifted so we were facing each other full-on from across the brick stairway.
I looked him dead in the eyes. “Is there even the slightest chance I’ll get you to kiss me tonight?” I asked.
He barked out a laugh. “I don’t know, Liv. Do you want me to kiss you?” It started out as a joke, but the tone of his voice and the set of his features felt pretty serious by the end of his question.
Like it was no one’s fucking business,did I want him to kiss me. I had half a mind to answer his question just like that, but I decided not to give myself away just yet. “Maybe,” I told him instead, smirking.
“Good to know,” he said. Again with thegood to know.
My smirk shifted into a devious smile. “Do you kiss a lot of girls, Neil?”
He suppressed his own grin, capturing it between his teeth, and simply shrugged. So, it looked like he wasn’t going to kiss and tell. I could respect that.
I, on the other hand, wasn’t as virtuous. “Well, I have,” I said. “Kissed girls, I mean. Plenty of them.”
He spit out his drink and it went spraying everywhere. There was literally a raincloud of Coca-Cola and Neil’s saliva sprinkling down on me as if I were sitting in front of a mister, and I think I was totally okay with that.
I threw my head back in a deep laugh, and it was echoed by his.
“So… are you. Um. Bisexual?” he asked, after our laughter had settled down. I carefully watched him, gauging how he felt about the question, but I didn’t find any judgment in his eyes, though his cheeks were kind of red. I mentally tallied another point in his favor.
“I don’t think so.” I shrugged. “I like it, but not as much as I like kissing boys. And I definitely can’t imagine going much further than a kiss with a girl. Why? Would you stop talking to me if I was?” I didn’t know why I asked the question; it was kind of a dick move, really.
“No,” he answered right away.
“Good,” I said, smothering another smile. My cheeks were starting to hurt from doing it so much.
The thought sobered me a bit.Freaking Neil.I shook my head. “So, as far as holidays go,” I purposefully changed the subject, “where does Halloween rank on your list of favorites?”
Halloween was obviouslymyfavorite, but I would’ve put money on the fact that Neil’s favorite holiday was something like… Christmas… or something equally as holy.
“I’d put it at the top. Halloween is my favorite holiday, too,” he said knowingly.
“Really?” I asked, surprise lacing my words. “Doesn’t that go against religion? Devil and demons and all that?”
He chuckled. “Religion is whatever you interpret it to be, Liv.”
And, well, there were a whole lot of layers to that comment, now weren’t there?Perhaps it was time to stop being so freaking judgmental.I let the thought settle, and then buried it away.
“Interesting,” I mused. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, but our first date didn’t really seem like the time or place for them. So I dropped the subject altogether.
He glanced down at me, releasing a quiet sigh, and it was clear he was drawing the same lines on the matter.
The moment passed, and a slow smile began to curl his lips. It had me biting down on my cheek and looking away. All the fuzzy, warm feelings he gave me with just a look were ridiculous. Flooding my senses, surrounding them withNeil, Neil, Neil,my heartbeat chasing after them in a chaotic rhythm.
It didn’t keep my attention from being pulled right back to him, though. And the shy curve of his smile, the glimmer of light in his eyes, and the way he was leaning toward me, his body tilted forward until there was only foot of space left between us, had me thinking he might’ve been feeling these things as well.
But who was I to say?
Until he shifted even closer, of course, pushing himself toward me and obliterating the space between us between one blink and the next. He wasright there, too fast for my thoughts to catch up. And too fast for my breaths; they were coming and going in short flashes—in and out far too quick.