Page 16

“Mmmmm, caffeine,” I hummed.
Jason shook his head. “You’re far too young to be so hooked on coffee, Olls.”
“Never,” was my quick reply as we stepped up in line, and remember when I claimed that I couldn’t halt time? That it wasn’t possible in the very real and tangible world I lived in? I was wrong. Because there was no other explanation for what I felt when I looked up and saw Neil standing on the opposite side of the counter, ready and waiting to take our order.
It wasn’t just time that stopped; everything stopped. Sounds, movements, my heart, my breaths, gravity. I looked down at my Converse-covered feet, stuck firmly to the ground. So, I was wrong about the gravity part, I guess. But what about everything else?
I willed a breath past my lips and into my lungs, which spurred my heart back on into a steady beat. Dishes clinking and low murmurs filled my ears and movement registered in my periphery. I took another breath.
“What can I get for you guys?” Neil said with a smile, oblivious to what had just briefly shaken my world. I added a lonely, supportive tally to themaybe I can stop timecolumn in my brain.
“Eyes here right, buddy,” my brother said.
Neil just smiled. “Jason, right?”
He grumbled some kind of noise of affirmation in response.
Right.“I’ll take a medium iced caramel macchiato, extra caramel drizzle, and a balsamic avocado toast. No tomato, please,” I interjected. Yes, these two things didn’t go together, like, at all, but they were my favorite and I refused to choose one over the other.
Neil’s hand moved over the screen in front of him. I spotted black nail polish on his other hand, on his left thumb. The hand that was curled around the edge of the counter while his other pushed in my order. I just stared at it, feeling like I didn’t know Neil at all. I get that it was only a few strokes of paint on a single fingernail, but…why was it there?It was stupid how much I wanted to know the answer to that question. How much I wanted to knowhim, well enough that I would know the answer without having to ask.
I blinked myself out of my stupor and cleared my throat, gesturing for Jason to give his order already. He gave me a knowing look before rambling off a bunch of things I didn’t hear.
“So youlikehim, like him,” he said as soon as we sat down at my favorite table outside. The one with swings for chairs.
I pushed myself backward and forward, ignoring his comment. The look on his face said it all, though. I was out of my mind. Setting my sights on Neil freaking Summers was an idiot move.
But I couldn’t help the way I felt when I looked at him. I was great at lying to myself, but my body was a traitorous instigator. I could tell myself all the things I wanted to, but there was no way I could ignore my pounding heart, or my convoluted thoughts, or the way my breath caught every other time he looked at me.
Jason kicked my foot beneath the table. “Truthfully, if there’s any guy I’d want you interested in, it would be someone like him. But do you think it’s a smart move? You know who his parents are.”
I looked up at him. I appreciated how easily he could switch into parental figure mode; I appreciated it more that he wantedto take on that role sometimes. “Doesn’t meanhe’slike that,” I settled on, surprising even myself with the truth of those words, but I finished with, “It’s not like that, though. It’s just an attraction thing, and we both know that’s not going anywhere. No matter how much I’d like it to,” I muttered the last part under my breath, and Jason’s face scrunched up in genuine revulsion.
“Nope. No.” He shook his head. “Didnotneed to hear that. In fact, maybe I should just go ahead and hook you two up myself to ensure you stay a virgin until you’re thirty.” He started to stand up, but I tackled him down from across the table.
Of course, Neil chose that moment to deliver our food and drinks. Jason feigned having to use the restroom—or maybe he actually had to; I didn’t know. Either way, he quickly left the table. Leaving me staring up at Neil who was wearing the subtle hint of a smile.
“That’s cool that your brother’s back in town,” he said, and all my thoughts gravitated back toward Jason leaving. My energy deflated.
“Yeah. Until tonight, anyway,” I responded.
Neil’s face drew in. With concern, I think. Or sympathy.
I shrugged it off. “I didn’t know you worked here.”
His shoulders relaxed, followed slowly by his expression. I watched each of his features settle into place on his face, and when they did, it felt like I was looking at him for the first time.
“Yeah, I just started a couple weeks ago, actually,” he said, but I was still stuck on his face. Something had just happened. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I—I didn’t know. I smiled at him, in a very un-fucking-like-Olivia kind of way—real and dug up from some dark pit that was connected to actual feelings.
He smiled back, glancing down at his feet, and for that brief second, he seemed… nervous?Interesting. “I saw you in here last week when I came in for my shift, but you’d already ordered, and your face was stuck in a book, so I didn’t want to bother you.” His words didn’tsoundnervous, though. They were delivered with confidence, maybe even a bit of playfulness layered within them.
It was at that exact juncture in time that I realized I wanted to get to know Neil Summers.Reallyknow him. Who he was now. His likes and dislikes. His beliefs and goals and the kind of things that made him laugh.
I wanted to crawl inside his world for just a little while and see if there were any colors in it that didn’t exist inside of mine.
“No. Nope. Not happening.” I shook my head as I squeezed my brother harder. “You can’t go.”
“I have to.” He chuckled. “But you can write me now, remember? And I’ll make sure to write you back. I’ll even call you when I can, okay?”