Page 31

I’d slept straight through school, though.Oh well.Except for the nagging thought that maybe Neil would’ve asked me out today.
There was always tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day, and the day after that, if how long I’d already been waiting had anything to say about it, though.
Ugh.I should’ve been embarrassed about this whole situation, but it was whatever.
I dragged myself through my shift until it was almost over. I was just counting my inventory beneath my drawer, and then I could get the hell out of here when Jax was ready. Though I was feeling mostly better, for the record. Almost fully human again.
I stacked my candy into pretty little piles in a plastic crate as I counted them, standing to bring them back to Jax when I was done.
When I straightened, crate in my hands, there was a small butterfly perched on my cash register. A paper butterfly. It was black and gray and lime green, the three colors marbled together. It was folded differently from the other two currently sitting on my dresser at home. I liked the sharper points it was sporting for wings.
I dragged my eyes away from it and up to Neil who was standing in front of me, just on the other side of the counter.
“You look really pretty today, Liv,” he said quickly, as if he couldn’t help but say it. I would’ve assumed he was joking if he hadn’t looked so serious about it. I didn’t have the energy to analyze his words or the seemingly genuine expression behind them, so I accepted the compliment even though he sounded nuts. My hair was tangled up into some sort of a nest, and my face was completely bare. Popcorn grease stained my red shirt.
“Thank you,” I responded, because that was the polite thing to do. Never mind what my heart was doing.
He smiled—a slow and deliberate smile. “You have to open this one,” he said, gesturing down at the butterfly.
I narrowed my eyes at him, before sliding my crate onto the counter and picking up the butterfly, carefully taking it apart by the wings and smoothing out the paper square onto the counter. Written in the center:Be my date to Jax’s Halloween party? Circle one: Yes or No.
I laughed. Once upon a time, I’d written him a note a lot like this one—way back in first grade. Apparently, he remembered this, too.
I slipped my pen out of my back pocket and circledyesnot once, or twice, but three times for good measure.
He pumped his fist into the air in a joking manner—totally corny, but also way too fucking cute and charming—before leaning halfway across the counter. His chin was resting on the tips of his fingers, and he was close, really close, since I’d already been leaning there myself.
His eyes latched on to mine as he smiled, but he didn’t say anything. It felt like he was sizing me up, reading every single thought that was running through my mind and storing them somewhere in his.
I swallowed. I was used to my accelerated heartbeats at this point, and the way they tended to migrate through my body, but something else was happening that was entirely different. There was an almost unbearable tightness in my chest. An invisible hand penetrating my ribcage and twisting its wrist around just enough to pull everything inside me taut.
What the hell was that?
“I’m glad you said yes.” Neil broke through the silence and straight through my thoughts.
“Me too,” I replied right away. That was the problem with having no filter. Not that it mattered. My walls weren’t there where Neil was concerned, anyway; we both knew there was no other answer I wanted to give him.
Chapter 10
Eighteen Candles
Neil’s birthday came four days after mine. October 23rd, and October 27th, respectively. As kids, we thought this was the coolest thing on the planet. As a freshly inducted adult (my birthday was today, thank you very much), I was only thinking that not only was I intent on breaking Neil six ways from Sunday, but also that I was technically going to be robbing the cradle if I got my way. And by got my way, I meant have my way with him, of course.
Which… wasn’t even a possibility, really. I knew Neil well enough to know that that was not going to happen. No way would he let things get that far—if anywhere. But that’s where my thoughts were when I rolled out of bed that morning, for the first time as an official adult,go me!
I didn’t feel all that different, though. I halfway expected to feel the release of invisible shackles fall from my wrists and ankles at midnight, or at least feel more certain about who I was as a person and the things I wanted for my future, but that wasn’t the case. I felt the same as I had the day before, and all the days before that. Like a kid who still had no clue what the hell she wanted to do with her life.
Cool.
I dragged myself into my bathroom, brushed my teeth, and got dressed. I loathed myself for this, but… I was taking extra time picking out my outfit today. Not because it was my birthday, or because I was eighteen, or because I actually cared about what I wore. The god-honest truth? I was wasting time questioning my clothing choices because of Neil. Yep, Neil.
Ugh. Gag.
How lame was that?
Between the butterflies, and the heart racing, and the doubting every thought I had when I was near him, and nowthis?I was starting to feel like such a girl.Not that there was anything wrong with being a girl, of course. Females were the superior gender, obviously. No question about that. It’s just that I was usually pretty immune to the more emotional, affected, googly-eyed, and daydreaming side some of us sometimes sported.
So, this was entirely new to me—looking in the mirror and wondering what someone else would think about the view—or…caringwhat someone else would think about the view. Someone other than myself, of course.