Page 33

This one was blue—midnight blue—and in a thin, silver marker he’d drawn stars and a moon and a“Happy Birthday, Liv”on it.
It was pretty damn sweet, which made me a little uncomfortable, or just out of my element, maybe, but I ignored the unsettling feeling because I really did like it more than anything. I might’ve also liked the fact that it was Neil making me feel these things—you know, if I was willing to admit that kind of thing to myself.
“Thank you,” I said, quieter than I had intended.
My heart was betraying me again, beating faster. Like it was trying to beat itself right up out of my chest to get to Neil and wrap itself around him—or something equally as ridiculous.
I pulled my focus back to the butterfly. It shouldn’t have made any sense, but somehow it did—how Neil’s tiny little butterfly was making me feel more than the gift of an entire summer in Europe had. The gesture was just so simple, and thoughtful, and sweet, and it felt like he just…saw me.Like he was looking right at me, and I was letting him see me—past all my imaginary walls and right at who I was.
Something about the whole scenario seemed to please him. My betraying smile, maybe, or my silent but obvious acceptance that there weren’t as many walls between us as I might’ve wanted there to be.
The slow and satisfied tilt of his lips is what gave him away. His eyes did, too, though. They turned the butterflies in my stomach into something else altogether.
I stepped toward him and went in for a hug, wrapping my arms around his solid torso without even thinking about it. Until it fully hit me that we were now pressed together. His front, to my front, from our chests to our toes. And…okay.
Okay.
I definitely should’ve prepared myself better for what the front of me being pushed up against the front of Neil would feel like. It wasn’t like any other time I’d been pushed up against a boy, I can tell you that.
My heart went crazy. Like, lost its damn mind.
Because he was bigger than I’d imagined.Firmer. Warmer.
But…
But…the best part about hugging Neil? Was that I could feel his heart this way, too, and it was as out of control as mine was.
There was something inherently satisfying about that.
And that wasbeforeI wrapped my arms farther around him and squished us closer. It was only a brief second that lasted an eternity in my mind before I released him. (I didn’t want to come off astoodesperate, after all.)
He cleared his throat. Not just once, but again for a second time, and I bit down on a satisfied smile.
“You’re welcome,” he said. He wanted to say something else, I could tell, but he shook his head and banished whatever it was away, settling instead on, “So, for the party next weekend… do you… I mean, we’re supposed to dress up, and I wasn’t sure if you wanted to dress up together, or…?” He was gripping the back of his neck, looking equal parts confident and nervous. I didn’t know how that worked out in his favor, but it did somehow.
My gaze settled on his, and we stared at each other for more than a few breaths without saying much of anything. Not anything at all, really. And he seemed to grow more nervous as the seconds ticked by.
“If you don’t want to, that’s cool. I just thought I’d ask,” he threw out, and my eyes wandered over the features of his face.
Neil—slightly nervous—was really cute. I wished I could read his mind, to know if his thoughts were as convoluted as mine sometimes were. But the more unsure he seemed, the more something softened and melted inside me. “Okay.” I put him out of his misery. “I’m down. Did you have something in mind?”
“Um. Well.” He slid his hands into his pockets with a shrug, brushing away his previous uneasiness. “I was thinking that since we’re both into films… that we might pick a movie couple to dress up as.”
“A couple,” I responded, unintentionally amused.
His cheeks went red, way red, before settling back into his regular complexion. I wanted to kiss him.Badly.Especially when he bit down on his bottom lip with a shy smile, waiting on my reply.
“Yeah, let’s do a couple,” I gave in. I might’ve been smothering a smile of my own, but I couldn’t be sure. I was too busy expending all my energy on holding myself back from kissing him like I wanted to. Or at least telling him that’s what I wanted to do—straight-up maul his face.
I cleared my throat.
“Okay, cool,” he responded. “That’s really as far as I got, though. There’s so many to choose from.”
“Yeah, for sure.” My mind was already wandering, imagining Neil dressed up as a dozen different characters. It was enough to temporarily quell the desire to feel his mouth on mine.
Bonnie and Clyde—cliché.
Danny and Sandy—yes—if only for seeing Neil in tight pants and slicked-back hair. (I’d definitely be circling back around to that one.)