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Chapter 9
Close Encounters
When Monday rolled around, I wasn’t thinking about much of anything except for Neil actually asking me out.
Was he ever going to?
Honestly, I had no clue. My gut told me he would, but so far, his actions hadn’t backed up his words.
It had already been a few torture-filled days of unintentional side-eyes, shared smiles, anddefinitely notwaiting on bated breath for him to just. Ask. Me. Out. Already. And then the weekend had come and gone, and here we were.
I didn’t think he’d say it just to take it back, though, so there was that. And truthfully, I was kind of enjoying it. I was used to getting what I wanted when I wanted it, so it was refreshing—this unfamiliar build-up of anticipation. It was either going to make conquering Neil that much more exciting, or it was going to continue to strangle me until I couldn’t breathe anymore. I wasn’t sure which one was going to win out just yet.
What it would look like when we did actually date was lost on me. I knew with every bone in my body that sex wasn’t on Neil’s agenda, and I knew even more than that that love wasn’t on mine.
But I was getting way ahead of myself.Way ahead.For the time being, I was having fun just getting to know him again. Because in between all my held breaths and waiting for him to ask me out, we’d gotten lost in a lot of little conversations—that I, of course, had gotten us into trouble for on more than one occasion.
Oops—said with every layer of sarcasm I could muster.
What I’d learned so far? Church was still very important to Neil. No shocker there, really. He went every Sunday, Monday,andWednesday. Which was crazy. He’d read the Bible front to back,twice,and he was going on a mission this summer, just after graduation. The mission part sounded alright: helping build houses where people really needed them. But the rest I couldn’t relate to. Not even close.
We also talked about movies, and writing (which we fully connected on, of course), and colleges, too. We talked about what he liked to do for fun: Outdoorsy stuff—riding dirt bikes and hiking, skateboarding, and swimming. And what I liked to do for fun: Not much of anything but partying with Sydney and Netflix and chilling, translated to: ‘watching movies and hanging out with my friends,’for Neil’s benefit.
He was all calm and casual, totally confident, but also shy at times, too. I was just me. Olivia. Blunt, honest, and real. He seemed to like it, though, and I knew I was slowly becoming more drawn to who he was as a person, too—outside of all my preconceived notions.
It was all fun, fine, and dandy, but I was still waiting on my date. Neil had already admitted to wanting to kiss me, and at this point, it was nearly killing me with all the close proximation, soft conversations, and the smiles of his I was quietly collecting. Not to mention the amount of solid eye contact we’d been logging.
I think we actually had almost kissed once or twice.Maybe.I didn’t know, but I didknow that he sure as hell looked at me like he wanted to a whole lot. (A whole lot.)
Differences and compatibility, virtues and corruption aside, I had a suspecting feeling that kissing Neil would be more than enough for the both of us. He could secretly take it to his grave, and I could store the memory of it as fuel for my future fantasies. Not that I hadn’t already had a perfectly good time coming up with some material on my own.
Ahem.Moving on.
I kind of couldn’t wait to see him this morning. The temperature was currently around a level of freezing, so Sydney and I were huddled up inside the same sweater, stretching it far beyond repair, but Mikey (one of our friends), didn’t seem to care. It was his sweater, and full honesty, with the way he kept looking over at us, I think he was going to be storing this image in his mind for some future use of his own. If you know what I mean.
Gross.
When I turned my face to the opposite side of the square for the umpteenth time this morning, I caught Neil walking up along the edge of it.Look over here. Look over here. Don’tlook over here.I couldn’t decide which one would be worse.
He looked over here. His head lifted, and his eyes caught mine, and a smile immediately took over his face.
It took all of two seconds to decide that fighting against the pull of my own smile was stupid and pointless, so I smiled back, throwing up a quick wave.
You know, as if I’d actually held any sway in the matter. Because… spoiler alert: Neil was still giving me butterflies. And what did butterflies do, I was quickly learning? They threw all rational thought out the window. Most of it, anyway. Proven easily by the fact that I was allowing Neil to take the lead in all of this. And was actually, mostly, okaywith it.
Though his time was running out, I could feel it. He had practically no time left at all before I went ahead and lost control and mauled him. I wanted to corrupt him in the worst way.The worst way.On some level, I knew it was dangerous thinking, but it also feltoh, oh so very right.If only I could get him on board…
But that was a long shot, right?
I settled down next to him in ASB. I hadn’t even looked over at him yet, and yet somehow,somehow,the whole of my right side of my body felt warmer than my left.
Body heat, of course, would make sense. That was the rational, logical answer. Somehow, I knew it was something else. I couldfeelthat it was something else.
Butterflies, stacked on top of awareness, stacked on top of attraction, finished off with a level of pent-up frustration was turning out to be a deadly combination. I felt it churning in my stomach. It wanted to combust—explode.
I turned only my head to face him, my chin propped up in my hands. He was already looking at me. “You’re never going to ask me out, are you?” I asked, apparently done with the waiting game.
He puffed out an amused laugh, his dessert-colored eyes going liquid.I was losing my mind, wasn’t I?“I’m thinking about it,” he said. “But I’m starting to think you’re more trouble than I can handle.”