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I stood up and found my breaths. I didn’t know if I should hug him or not—if Icould,I guess. He slid his hands into his jacket pockets, slightly nervous, subconsciously making the decision for the both of us. If it was any consolation, he looked like he wanted to hug me as much as I wanted to hug him, even if it wasn’t going to happen.
“So…” he started. “Lame party, huh?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Same old, same old.”
He nodded. Took a breath. Pinched his brows together for a moment before saying, “You want to get out of here?”
My heart swelled, and my breaths stalled. And then I ducked my head to hide my smile. “Yeah, I’d like that, Neil.”
Chapter 24
Admission
We pulled away from the party in Neil’s truck, soft music drifting from his speakers—an acoustic version ofPrey.
The lyrics felt like a dare, a soundtrack to the movie that was our relationship, sitting on the precipice of hope and vulnerability.
But Neil was quiet. Too quiet. It made me fidget in my seat—tugging at the sleeves of my sweater, tapping my fingers against my thighs, and mashing my lips together before I couldn’t stand the silence a second longer.
“Where are we going?” I asked, tilting my head to the side to face him. The combination of night and streetlights painted his features in a mesmerizing shade of red I couldn’t tear my eyes from, fascinating on a level it shouldn’t have been fascinating on.
A quiet,“Hmm?”came from his lips as he turned down another street, and my gaze slid over his face—his motley brown eyes, his nose, the curve of his jawline, the pout of his lips. I clenched my hands against the ache to reach out and touch him.
My heartbeat raced, swimming out of my chest and through my limbs.I love you. I love you; I love you; I love you; I love you;it was screaming. I cleared my throat and looked out the window, drawing a butterfly in the dew with my finger.
I had to navigate my way around those words, around the chanting of them in my head before I was able to wring out the ones I needed. “Where are we headed?” I managed again. Without looking at him this time—for all of a few seconds before my eyes were drawn to him again.
“Oh… well…” He laughed under his breath. “I guess I didn’t really think that far ahead.” His cheeks went a little pink as he looked down at his dash. “I need to get some gas, though, and then…” He shrugged. “Maybe we just drive and see where it takes us?” His tone had risen by the end of his question—as if maybe, just maybe, he was as unsettled and uncertain as I was.
The assumption made me feel at least a little bit better.
“Okay.” I nodded, feeling a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. I smothered it with the back of my hand.
A few minutes later, he pulled into a gas station, throwing me his own tentative smile before shutting the door and leaving me in silence.
I wasn’t going to pretend I didn’t watch him the whole time he walked through the lot and disappeared into the store. Even from the back, he was attractive enough to leave my heart aching, my throat constricting.
The truth was, I didn’t care where the hell we were going. I was content right here—with him. Uncertainty and hidden confessions aside, I felt almost at peace.
I sucked in a breath and released it, sinking into my seat. Neil’s truck smelled just like him. Like warmth, and softness, and something entirely too comforting. I let myself relax into it, my gaze trailing him as he strode back to the truck, a small black bag in hand.
He opened the door and hesitated a second before reaching over and setting it down on my lap, swallowing down whatever words were on the tip of his tongue, and then the door closed again and he was off to pump gas.
Curious(okay, way more than curious),I opened up the bag without waiting on him. Coke, Sprite, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and a whole bunch of my favorite candy sat inside it.
My throat constricted even more, a twisted little knot making a home in there. I cleared my throat, attempting to loosen it, but I conceded the battle because it wasn’t interested in going anywhere.
The bag of hot Cheetos made a loud crinkling noise against the quiet as I pulled them out and set them in my lap, followed by the bottle of Coke. I put the rest on the middle seat, cursing at my heart to slow the hell down.
It was completely ridiculous to feel this much over a bag of snacks, but I couldn’t help it. I never could when it came to Neil. But it was also just really damn sweet, and—
The driver’s side door swung open on that thought, Neil plopping into his seat with a quiet breath.
His head pivoted toward me. “Where to?” Brown eyes melted into mine, somehow erasing the chaos going on inside me.
It had never been so hard to hold myself back from doing what I wanted, but something told me crawling over his middle seat and straddling him wasn’t the best idea—considering what had happened the last time we did that in here.
So, anoon that one.