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“If we’re friends, if we hang out, what we do, what you’re like now.”
“Oh.”Wow.Okay. Those were some mildly personal questions for someone merely making conversation, weren’t they?
Why hadn’t he just asked methese questions? There was plenty of opportunity to, that was for sure. But I hadn’t asked him any questions myself either, had I? Nope. I hadn’t.
I kept brushing away the same nagging thought before finally allowing it to take root:Was Neil actually interested in me, too?
Nope. No way. There was no way. That was as impossible as impossible could come, because just like I’d had my list of assumptions about him, hehadto have his about me. And I knew they spelled out all the things he didn’t want in a girl.
But hadn’t I thought the same thing about him, too? Wasn’t I still trying to convince myself that was the case? That he was the exact opposite of everything I thought I liked in a guy?
It was like the universe was mocking me. She’d taken my list of desired attributes, thrown them in a blender, ran them through a strainer, and handed me the leftover pieces, saying,“You figure out what to do with them now.”
I didn’tknowwhat to do with them! That was the point.What the hell was I supposed to do with any of this? Especially now that I knew Neil had been asking about me.
I kind of wanted to ask Jax about him now, too. Instead, I settled on, “He makes me nervous.”
Jax smiled. A soft and easy smile I didn’t see too often. “So you’ve said. How so?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head back and forth a few times. “I just… I’m usually pretty straightforward, right?”
He snorted. “You could say that.”
“And clear about what I want,” I continued on right past his comment. “But for whatever reason, when Neil looks at me, my mind feels like a traffic jam on the I-35—slow moving and chaotic—and my thoughts are all the jerks honking behind me as if there’s anywhere I can go…”
He hid his laughter behind his hand, and this time, I did punch him. (Softly.I wasn’t a total a-hole.) “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh,” he said. “But disrupted Olivia is pretty damn cute. Continue on.”
I huffed out a breath. “I made this stupid bet with Sydney—that I could get Neil to kiss me. But now I kind of actually want him to kiss me, but for it to, like, mean something?” I laughed at myself. “Ugh, I don’t know; I’m all over the place. It feels stupid coming out of my mouth, but I think I like him.
“That couldn’t go anywhere, though, right?” If anyone would know the answer to that, Jax would.
This whole scenario was only proving to be yet another excellent example of how wanting another person could make you slightly crazy.
“Why couldn’t it?” he asked.
I looked down at my shirt as if it held all the answers he needed. “I’m Olivia. That’s why. And his parents…”
He laughed. “Maybe you should try to get to know him; he might surprise you.”
I let his words settle, and they burrowed into me. Ididwant to get to know Neil. I’d already admitted that to myself. I still wasn’t sure what to do with it, though, or how to go about it.
“So, what about this bet thing?” Jax interjected.
“It’s nothing.” I shook my head. “And it’s stupid. I’m going to tell him about it.”
His eyebrows rose. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t, because you probably should, but that’s an interesting foot to start on.”
I shrugged. It was what it was.
“You know…” he hedged. “We actually got pretty close this summer—Neil and me. Did you know that?”
I shifted in my seat, turning to face him as I pulled my legs beneath me. “I didn’t,” I said, more than surprised. He hadn’t mentioned this—like, at all. Not even before it was blatantly obvious I was crushing on his cousin.
I guess I understood his hesitancy, though. Their families had quite a bit of history. Bits and pieces he’d told me here and there—but basically, a gay step-cousin and a religious family sometimes didn’t mesh all that well, as many might know. Theirs had been one of those families, unfortunately. And it hadn’t been pretty.
Until recently, maybe? “Who reached out to who?” I asked Jax.
“Neil.” He gave me a pointed stare, and I read it loud and clear. Obviously, Neilhadchanged this summer. More than I even knew.