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Ugh, gag!
What the hell was wrong with me?
(Well, a lot of things, but that was beside the point.)
His fingers skimmed across the desk, barely touching mine and settling next to them, and it shut all of those asinine thoughts right the hell up.
I took a long breath, welcoming the air of clarity, before peeking over my shoulder to see if anyone had noticed Neil’s hand up against mine.
I definitely caught a few curious glances. But I returned my attention to Neil. And when I looked up at him, he was smiling. Just the subtle hint of a smile, but it was enough to spark something to life inside me.
Pride, or embarrassment, or possessiveness, I wasn’t sure.
Probably a combination of all three.
I made a face at him, sticking my tongue out sideways (because obviously running in the opposite direction of these ridiculous feelings was the way to go here), and he held back his laughter, which of course in turn had me holding back my own laughter.
I didn’t care who was or wasn’t watching us then.
Our muffled laughter turned into a silent conversation of smiles and smirks and the shifting of our facial features that kept making it hard not to laugh.
Though his eyes, all lit up like they now were, had me suddenly swallowing thickly. It hit the metaphorical brakes on everything else. A loudscreeeechbounced off the walls in my mind.
I looked around the classroom, and more of our classmates were definitely paying attention now, but still, I didn’t really care. I looked at Neil’s hand and slowly slid my fingers through his, fully holding on to his hand now—much to some’s obvious surprise. Including Neil’s.
A quiet gasp and low murmuring sounded from the back corner of the room, but my attention was all on him.
I trailed my eyes over his face, watching as his lips slowly curved upward and as his eyes started to crinkle at the corners.
No way had he ever smiled at someone else like he was smiling at me now. He hadn’t even smiled atmelike this before. All secretive and knowing and smug like that.
It was the kind of smile that was made for movie screens. A melt your insides, leave its mark on you kind of smile. A smile I wouldn’t forget anytime soon, if ever.
I heard more whispering at the table next to us, catching their attention on us, too, as I glanced over at them.
They were all wide eyes and sparkling curiosity. And I got it, I did. Neil and I were polar opposites and probably didn’t make any sense whatsoever to anyone looking in from the outside. Him, in his gray dress pants and white button-up, and me, all ripped pants and black on black on black. But that’s probably why—as Neil’s hand tightened around mine in acceptance—I felt totally smug, too. Not just because of his hand in mine, but because they didn’t know Neil like I did. And they didn’t know me like he did, either.
Not even close.
Chapter 17
Holy Bible
Walking into Neil’s house for the first time since I was seven years old was an unexpected experience—unusual, disconcerting. It was like being transported back in time, because everything was exactly how I remembered it—the seven crosses decorating his living room walls, the painting of what I assumed was God’s hands propped above his fireplace, and the little sign hanging outside his front door that read:“Anchored by Jesus.”
Though it felt like another world altogether. Like a scene from a movie I’d watched, so it seemed familiar even though it wasn’t. Not really.
“I’ll be right back,” Neil threw out over his shoulder and disappeared down the hall, leaving me alone in his living room with my thoughts.
I looked around the quiet, seemingly familiar space and immediately felt like I didn’t belong. I felt watched—judged.By the seven crosses, or God’s hands, or the Virgin Mary in the corner of the room looking down on me all condescending like.
Or maybe,definitely, I was just projecting. I should’ve gone with my gut and invited Neil to do homework at my house instead, but… I was curious. And obviously curiosity got the best of me when it came to Neil. Also, he said his parents wouldn’t be home until later this evening, so…
Here we were.
At Neil’s house—inNeil’s house.
I set my backpack down on the carpet but picked it right back up again, slinging it back over my shoulder. I didn’t feel right standing in this room, because if Neil’s mom knew I was in her house I was sure she’d have a straight-up conniption, and that’s what my uncomfortable feelings boiled down to, I guess.