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‘The past is irrelevant,’ he said, a touch irritated and not bothering to hide it. ‘It doesn’t bother me. I didn’t have a family, it’s true, but I didn’t need one. I only needed what I found in my own head to survive, and I did.’
The crease between her brows deepened and he didn’t like the expression on her face, the pity in it. ‘It sounds very lonely,’ she murmured.
He shrugged. ‘As I said, I survived. Your childhood doesn’t sound any better, either, yet you survived too.’
‘I did.’ She took another sip of her lemonade. ‘But when I said it must have been lonely, what I meant was I can relate to that. Because mine was. Not that no one spoke to me or anything, it was more having no one notice that you were maybe a bit quiet today. Or that you were pale. Or that you looked happy. The feeling that you could just...not exist and no one would ever notice you were gone.’
A sharp and painful feeling threaded through him, as if she’d touched on an old and still festering wound.
You felt that too.
He had. Once. He didn’t feel it now, though, because he couldn’t not exist without someone knowing, because everyone knew who he was. He’d made sure everyone knew. So any pain he felt now was merely an echo, phantom-limb pain from a part of himself he’d cut out years ago. As was the anger that used to overcome him every now and then, formless and hot, with seemingly no cause.
He hadn’t felt that for at least a decade, not since he’d poured everything of himself into his business, using his ambition as the engine that drove his life. He’d needed a purpose and his life of numbers and money was it. That was why he had his schedule, so every second of his life was dedicated to using his intellect in the most efficient way and not getting sidetracked by...anything else.
‘People would notice,’ he said tersely. ‘They’d certainly notice if you were gone.’
Her gaze was very dark and she looked at him steadily, and for a second there was pain in her gaze. ‘Who would?’
At first he thought it might be another tease, but no, not with the way she was looking at him now, not with that pain. She really wanted to know.
‘Iwould,’ he said. ‘I would notice you were gone and the world would be a poorer place for it.’
He meant it. She could see the force of his conviction in his steel-grey eyes, and a small hot glow started up in the centre of her chest.
At first, she’d wished the words back, because it had sounded too needy, too desperate. Yet he hadn’t treated it that way at all.
She could feel the tension between them again, the force of their chemistry and the need in his eyes that he didn’t hide from her. But they couldn’t act on it, not with the health of their children at stake. ‘You shouldn’t say such things to me,’ she said quietly.
‘Why not?’ His gaze didn’t flicker. ‘It’s true.’
‘Is it? You can’t sleep with me, remember?’
‘You think I’d only say that to sleep with you?’
She felt too vulnerable staring at him the way she was doing, but she was the one who’d started this conversation. The one who’d told him about her aunt and uncle, revealing much more than she’d meant to. She couldn’t falter now. ‘I don’t know—would you?’
A spark of temper glittered in his eyes. ‘I do not need to give a woman empty compliments to get her to sleep with me. I never give empty compliments, full stop.’
Of course, he wouldn’t. He wasn’t that kind of man. Every word he spoke was with intention and purpose, because he meant it. Which then must mean...
He was telling the truth about you.
She swallowed, her mouth dry. ‘You really do think those things? That the world would be a poorer place without me?’ Sometimes, in her darker moments, she’d wondered if anyone would care if she simply ceased to exist. Sometimes, she couldn’t think of one person who’d care.
Aristophanes’ gaze was almost ferocious. ‘Of course it would. Your beauty is incomparable, and I have never wanted anyone the way I want you.’
‘But those are just physical—’
‘I haven’t finished,’ he interrupted sharply. ‘You’re also strong and determined, and very stubborn. Which is annoying, but you stand up for what you believe in and you’ve never once let me intimidate you, which is a feat, considering I am much more powerful than you are.’ He paused a moment. ‘I wondered if perhaps you would be like my mother, but you aren’t. You would never abandon your child to its fate, which means you will be an excellent mother to our children. Also...’ His gaze intensified. ‘You are very perceptive, and I think you have far more intelligence than you give yourself credit for.’
Something quivered in her, something deep inside. It was ridiculous. She didn’t need a man’s praise to make her feel good about herself, yet it washispraise that made her feel as though she really was all those things he’d said. Not just any man, but him in particular.
You will be an excellent mother...
She’d wondered on and off, after she’d found out she was pregnant, whether she, who’d had so little love in her life, could even be a good mother. Whether she’d know how to show them how much they mattered, how important they were, and how much she loved them. She’d tried not to think about it though, because if she did, the doubt would eat her alive. Now she felt it like a fault line running through an essential part of her.
‘You really think I would?’ she couldn’t help asking, hating how needy she sounded and yet not being able to stay silent. ‘Make a good mother, I mean?’