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CHAPTER EIGHT
ARISTOPHANESPACEDOVERto the edge of the stone terrace and spent a moment gazing out over the olive groves and the darkening sea beyond Ithasos’ cliffs. The sun was going down, washing the sky in oranges and pinks and reds, an evening breeze carrying the scents of the sea and sun-warmed rock, and pine.
He glanced back at the table that stood underneath the vine-covered pergola. He’d had his housekeeper prepare and arrange the table just so, setting the scene for dinner with Nell, the island scenery and sunset a perfect backdrop.
It was all as it should be and he was pleased.
After the conversation they’d had in her bedroom on their arrival, he’d been thinking. In fact, he’d spent the whole afternoon thinking. About her and what she’d said. About her childhood and how she clearly didn’t view herself as being smart or intelligent or any of the things she thought she should be. Then teasing him with that silly nickname—‘Bear’, of all things—and then disagreeing with him about the importance of her job. Telling him why it was important, her dark eyes glowing with conviction...
He’d felt angry at her aunt and uncle for making her think things about herself that weren’t true, and then he’d been angry at himself for doing the same thing, because it was clear he had. He’d been less than complimentary about her job, but that was because he didn’t know anything about it, nor had he thought about it until she’d told him what it meant.
He liked intelligence in a woman, but he was beginning to see now that it was a very specific sort of intelligence. An academic intelligence, logical and cool. Nell wasn’t like that at all, but when she looked at him sometimes, he felt as if she knew things he didn’t. Mysterious things he couldn’t even conceive of, that made him uncomfortable and yet fascinated him at the same time.
Shewassmart, but not in the way he’d always thought about it.
That she seemed to doubt that she was worth knowing, though, had appalled him. He didn’t know why it mattered, or why he felt so strongly about it, but he did. Perhaps because it was that she was the mother of his children and he didn’t want her upset...
No. That wasn’t the reason and he had to be honest with himself. It mattered to him because he didn’t want her to think that way about herself. Because it hurt her, and he didn’t like her being hurt. It also wasn’t true.
He was interested in her and he was a genius, so of course she was worth knowing.
The way her mind worked intrigued him, and also she’d been brought up by people who didn’t value her, yet she’d defied them. She’d left her home, gone across the country to a new city, and found a fulfilling life despite them. That spoke of a bravery and determination, and a strength of character he found admirable.
He wanted to know more, much more. Even though being near her and not being able to do more than kiss her was a constant test of his control. Really, he should be absenting himself, taking the helicopter back to Athens for the night, not staying here, so close to temptation.
But he wasn’t going to. He wanted to do something nice for her, do something to make her happy since her well-being was his responsibility now, and he didn’t think she’d appreciate being abandoned so soon after arriving here.
So he’d organised everything like one of his dates, with dinner and conversation, and then they’d go to bed separately. Not exactly what he wanted, but that was the way it would have to be for the moment.
It was an interesting situation and one he’d never been in before.
Just then, Nell appeared in the doorway of the living area, stepping out through the French doors and onto the stone terrace. Her hair was curling in thick waves over her shoulders, and for once she wasn’t wearing a clinging dress, but a loose, cool-looking white linen caftan. It hid her body, including her little bump, but the wide neckline almost hung off one shoulder, revealing an expanse of creamy skin that made his fingers itch to touch it.
Ignoring the urge, he strode over to the beautifully set table and pulled out a chair for her. ‘Please,’ he invited. ‘Sit.’
She hesitated, then came over to the chair and sat down, the sweet scent of her hair and body surrounding him for a moment, making his mouth water. Knowing that he couldn’t take her to bed later seemed to make the desire sharper, deeper, and he had to fight to force it away.
Resolutely steeling himself, he pushed her chair back in and moved around the table to his own opposite hers, before sitting. The candles he’d ordered leapt and twisted in their glass holders, radiating a shifting golden glow. She looked beautiful in that glow, her skin gilded, her hair gleaming with red fire.
‘This is lovely,’ she said, glancing around at the candles, the light glittering off the crystal glasses, silver cutlery, and the elegant glass vase with sprigs of jasmine in it. ‘Did you do all this?’
‘My housekeeper did, but I decided to make an event of it, yes.’ He stared at her, unable to take his eyes off her. ‘This is just the setting though. The true beauty here is you.’ It felt natural to compliment her, even though he’d never been one for compliments, and he got his reward when she blushed, her lashes falling, her mouth curving.
He knew sensual satisfaction. He experienced it whenever he made her gasp aloud. But right here, right now, he knew another kind of satisfaction that wasn’t sexual. It was a pressure in his chest and the way his mouth wanted to curve as if her smile and the obvious pleasure she’d taken from his compliment made him want to smile too.
Emotional satisfaction. He couldn’t recall ever feeling anything like it. Perhaps once when that little cat he’d tried to adopt had first started lapping at the milk he’d brought her. And perhaps again the first time she’d curled up in his lap, purring as he’d stroked her. Satisfied that his presence had made a difference to another living creature’s life. That he’d given them some kind of emotional pleasure.
It was the most curious feeling. Addictive, even.
Nell’s lashes lifted, her dark eyes flickering with gold from the candlelight. ‘I’ve decided something, Bear. I’ve decided that if you want to know everything about me, I want to know everything about you, too.’
That seemed logical and yet...he was conscious of a vague reluctance. His past wasn’t a secret, and he wasn’t ashamed of it, so he shouldn’t feel...uneasy at the prospect of telling her. Then again, perhaps that had more to do with her clear-eyed gaze and that way she looked at him, as if she could read his mind.
He didn’t like it, not at all. It unsettled him, made him feel as if he were an open book that she could read with impunity.
But he wasnotan open book. He kept his thoughts hidden, his emotions under control. They had no place in the mathematical world, the world of algorithms and money, and he liked it that way. Hewantedit that way.
Yet he couldn’t deny that, if she gave him pieces of herself, he would have to reciprocate. Perhaps he wouldn’t have thought that three months ago, but he did now. She wasn’t one of his dates, after all, but the mother of his children, and maybe it would even be a good thing if she knew his background. That would help her understand the things hedidn’twant for them. He certainly didn’t want, for example, the kind of childhood Nell had grown up in for them. Not abusive, but traumatising in its own way.