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Quin kissed his son and made a phone call. He left the football ground and went straight to the bus station.
But the bus to Sao Paulo had already left.
He felt sick. He’d just put Sadie through the cruelty of repeating the horrific journey she’d made when she’d left them, all because Quin was determined to beat her with the stick of his mother’s sins. And his own cowardice.
Enough.It was time to move on.
All he could think of to do now, though, was to go back to the house. He would have time to think while Sol was with his friend.
When he got back to the house he stopped at the door, the pain in his chest intensifying. He knew he was about to walk into an empty house. And this time he couldn’t blame Sadie for leaving because he was the one who had engineered this painful re-enactment.
He deserved every ounce of pain he was feeling.
He opened the door and went inside, steeling himself for the house to be empty. And it was. But then Quin noticed that the door leading out to the porch was open, the warm sea breeze making the curtains move.
He frowned. He was sure he’d closed the door, but maybe Sol had run back out to get something just before they’d left.
He went over and stopped on the threshold. Because someone was outside, standing at the railing.Sadie.Here. Not gone. Was he hallucinating? Conjuring her up? Like he had so many times in the past? Like in the dreams he’d had?
She turned around and saw him. Her eyes were huge and suspiciously red. She shook her head and said brokenly, ‘I’m so sorry, but I just...couldn’t get on the bus. I couldn’t do it, Quin. I couldn’t take that journey again...away from here, away from you and Sol.’
Quin closed his eyes for a second and sent up a silent promise to every deity that he would spend his lifetime atoning for this if he was lucky enough to get the chance.
He moved forward and touched Sadie. She was real.
He pulled her into his arms and said, ‘I’m so sorry for doing that to you...please forgive me.’
Sadie revelled in the way Quin was holding her for a long moment, not daring to breathe in case this was a cruel mirage and he disappeared. But he felt so solid, and his heart was beating so steadily. Maybe a tiny bit fast.
She knew she should pull away before she dared to hope...anything. But Quin was the one to put his hands on her arms and put some distance between them. She couldn’t look at him. She was sure she must be a sight. She hadn’t stopped crying since she’d let the bus go, anticipating Quin’s anger that she was still here. But he didn’t seem angry.
He tipped up her chin and she had to look at him. There was an expression on his face that she hadn’t seen since they’d met again.Open.Contrite.
He said, ‘I need to say some things, okay?’
Sadie just nodded. Quin led her over to one of the recliner chairs and gently pushed her down. She welcomed it; her legs were like jelly. He stayed standing, then he moved away and stood with his back to the railing and the view.
He looked at her and said, ‘When my mother left, I blamed myself.’
Sadie wanted to go to him, but she was aware of the fragility of this moment. ‘You were only a toddler.’
‘Yes, I was only a baby. But I remember holding on to her, begging her not to go. Crying. Afterwards I thought it was my fault because I’d been too emotional, too overwrought, so after that it became habitual for me to ignore my emotions and to compartmentalise things.’
‘And then you came along,’ he went on, ‘and with one look at you, before we’d even spoken, I felt every single wall I’d built up inside me to keep me safe start crumbling to pieces.’
Sadie felt shy. ‘I was a nobody...’
Quin shook his head. ‘No. You were amazing.’
Hope sparked inside Sadie, but she tried not to let it bloom. ‘But then I lost my memory... I didn’t even know who I was.’
Quin’s mouth tipped up. ‘You were probably more authentically you preciselybecauseyou had no memory of who you were. You weren’t like any woman I’d ever met. There was no artifice. No games. Everything you felt showed on your face. You found joy in everything. It was so obvious that you loved me—’
‘Stop!’ Sadie ducked her head, letting her hair fall down.
But Quin came over and sat down near her. He took her hands and made sure she was looking at him before he said, ‘I couldn’t help falling fathoms deep in love with you. It would have taken a force stronger than I was capable of to resist you.’
Sadie bit her lip and then said, ‘I wasn’t sure if you everhadloved me.’