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He stared at the monitor beside Nell’s bed, holding her hand, filled with the most intense helplessness. There was nothing he could do in this moment, nothing he could say that could affect the outcome. It was out of his hands.
It reminded him so powerfully of his childhood, of watching yet another social worker walk up to the front door of whichever house he was living in at the time, knowing that she was here to take him away again. That he was going to be moved again, given to a new family, living in a new house, and that there was nothing he could do to stop it.
His jaw was so tight it ached, and he had to use every ounce of his considerable strength to force away the fear. Nell’s fingers around his were tight too, holding his hand in a painful grip, and he had no idea why everything had suddenly changed.
Why he only realised now how much he wanted something when he was on the point of losing it. And he didn’t know whether it was because of her or whether it had been there inside him all along, but that didn’t matter.
What mattered was that he couldn’t lose his child. He couldn’t.
The doctor moved the wand a few times, frowning at the screen, while Nell sat in the bed, her face the colour of ashes.
‘What is it?’ Aristophanes demanded, his voice rough as gravel. ‘Please tell me the baby is fine.’
‘The baby is fine,’ the doctor said calmly, still frowning as she ran the wand back over Nell’s stomach. ‘At least one of them is.’
Aristophanes was conscious first of a flood of relief then, hard on its heels, cold shock. ‘What? What other one?’
‘Oh, there’s the other one.’ The doctor made another pass with the wand then the frown vanished and her face relaxed. ‘It was hiding. But both have got good heartbeats and don’t look like they’re in any distress.’
Nell’s face got even whiter. ‘I’m sorry, but what do you mean by “both”?’
The doctor glanced at her then at Aristophanes and smiled. ‘Oh, you didn’t know? There are two babies in there. Congratulations, you’re having twins.’
For a long moment neither he nor Nell spoke as the words penetrated, the shock still echoing inside him.
‘Twins,’ Nell murmured blankly. ‘We’re having twins.’
‘Yes,’ the doctor said, turning the monitor around so they both could see. ‘Do you want to know the gender?’
Aristophanes stared fixedly at the monitor and the two little pulsing heartbeats on the screen, then he glanced down at Nell, who was still holding his hand in a death grip. Her gaze met his, dark and velvety and full of shock.
Nell nodded mutely at him and he nodded at the doctor. Not that he cared about the gender of his child. Of his children.Not when he was still reeling from perhaps nearly losing one baby, unable to even get his head around the concept of two of them.
‘A perfect pair,’ the doctor said. ‘A girl and a boy.’
That was when Nell promptly burst into tears.
A few hours later, feeling drained and not a little shell-shocked, Nell sat once again on the couch in Aristophanes’ New York apartment, wrapped up in a cashmere blanket, staring at the pale carpet and wondering what on earth she was going to do.
The night before, all she’d been able to think about was him. She hadn’t been able to get enough, and the more she had of him, the more she wanted. He’d been ravenous for her too, and she’d decided to allow herself the whole night of not thinking of anything else.
It had been amazing, magical. So when she’d finally woken up and gone to have a shower, she hadn’t been thinking about the baby. Her head had been too full of him and what she was going to do now they’d had their night together.
She’d started to wash herself dreamily and only then had she noticed the blood. That, combined with the lack of sleep and heat of the water, had nearly made her faint. Somehow, dizzy and nauseated, she’d managed to get herself out of the shower and semi-dry, before stumbling down the hallway to the living area to find him.
Only then had she fainted.
He’d caught her though, the strength of his arms surrounding her as he’d carried her over to the couch. For a brief moment she’d felt safe and cared for. But after that...
She didn’t like to think about the tense hour after that, of being rushed to a hospital and then waiting for the doctor to see if her baby was okay. She’d been numb with fear and dread, her only lifeline Aristophanes’ big warm hand around hers.
She hadn’t wanted to lose her baby. She couldn’t bear the thought.
Finding out the baby was fine had made her dizzy with relief.
Finding out that there were two babies instead of one had been a shock. To put it mildly. Because at her first scan there hadn’t been two. Apparently, though, one could remain undetected that early.
She’d felt ridiculous for bursting into tears, but the surprise of twins on top of everything else had been too much for her. Aristophanes’ arms had gone around her once again, and she’d turned her face against his chest, the intellectual part of her wondering why it was that she felt so much better when she was in his arms. Especially when she knew nothing about him. Yet in that moment, she hadn’t been thinking intellectually. She’d been nothing but rubbed-raw emotion as the doctor had said a lot of stuff that had gone over her head and was only now sinking in.