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‘Yes, please. Papa! Can I? Then my hair won’t get in the way when I’m playing football.’
Quin shrugged too. ‘Sure.’
They had breakfast, Quin serving up more fluffy, light pancakes with fruit and syrup...fragrant coffee. But it was as if last night hadn’t happened. For her own sanity Sadie knew she needed to talk to him about it, and what she’d said yesterday, to see if there was any hope at all for them. For a future.
She had to know, because she needed to be able to move on and carve out an existence for herself if Quin really didn’t see her in his future.
She took Sol up to the bathroom after breakfast and sat him in a chair, with a towel around his shoulders. Luckily she’d got used to carrying her hairdresser’s kit with her, because it was always an easy means to make money.
Sol was looking at her in the mirror with wide eyes, as if fascinated by this creature who was also his mother. She gave him the smallest of buzz cuts around his ears, and then trimmed and styled his hair into a baby Mohican, like the one she’d seen on his favourite football player.
Sol looked at himself. ‘I can’t wait to show Joao!’
Sadie took off the towel and shook it out over the bath, and then Sol threw his arms around her waist and buried his head in her belly.
He looked up. ‘You’re so cool, Mom.’
Sadie said carefully, ‘You don’t have to call me Mom yet, if it feels weird.’
He shook his head. ‘I waited for you for a long time.’
Sadie’s heart split open at this unwittingly poignant assessment, but before she could respond Sol was gone again, saying, ‘I have to get changed for the match.’
Sadie sat down on the chair she’d used to cut Sol’s hair. She had to force herself to remember that it had only been a couple of weeks since she’d come back into Quin’s and Sol’s lives. Surely this sensation of being on a rollercoaster wouldn’t last for ever?
She could hear Quin shouting up the stairs. ‘Come on, Sol. Joao will be wondering where you are.’
‘I’m coming!’
Even that banal domestic exchange was enough to send her insides swooping with emotion again.
When she’d cleaned up, and felt a bit more together, she went downstairs to find Quin tidying up. Sol had obviously gone to get his friend.
He glanced up. ‘Thank you for cutting his hair. He loves it.’
Sadie felt self-conscious. ‘Kids that age love a buzz cut.’ She could feel the tension in the air and blurted out, ‘Look, about last night—’
Quin cut her off. ‘I shouldn’t have let it happen.’ He put down a plate and looked at her. ‘I think the shock of seeing you again, and the fact that the chemistry is still there, has blurred the boundaries... But it’s not fair on you, me or Sol. He’ll get confused if he senses that we’re...together.’
Now Sadie felt guilty.
But Quin said, ‘It’s not your fault.’
The unspoken words were very clear. He was blaming himself for being weak.
‘I was the one who had the nightmare. I asked you to stay.’
Begged.Her face grew hot.
A muscle in his jaw popped. ‘I could have controlled myself better. I think it was a mistake coming here... I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to stay. You’ve been established now as Sol’s mother, so there’s no real need to keep up any pretence that we’re together.’
Sadie went cold all over. ‘If this is because I told you I loved you... Don’t ruin your holiday because of me. I can go back to Sao Paulo.’
He looked at her, and then he said, ‘That might be for the best. We need to put down some new boundaries. I can arrange transport.’
Sadie’s insides were plummeting into a deep void of pain. So this was it. The briefest of fraught honeymoons was over. She chastised herself. She’d known that they needed to talk about this. She just hadn’t been prepared for Quin’s brutally rapid response and rejection.
‘No,’ she said, feeling sick. ‘I can go to the bus station and get the bus.’