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It was only the waiter. Heart pounding, she apologised and righted the glass. She realised her hands were trembling with the sudden rush of fright and adrenalin.
The waiter poured them water and left again.
Quin was frowning. ‘What was that about?’
Sadie looked at Quin, mortified. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m not used to sitting with my back to the people around me.’
Quin looked at Sadie. She was pale. Her hands were trembling slightly. She glanced over her shoulder again and he noticed how she let her hair fall so that her face was hidden. It was a move that had obviously become habitual.
He stood up. ‘I’ll switch with you.’
Sadie looked up at him, eyes wide. ‘Do you mind?’
Quin shook his head. She stood up and they moved around the table. She sat down in his seat. It was only when Quin sat down that he was suddenly aware that he felt a prickle of discomfort.
He suddenly recognised that very primitive instinct that must be within everyone—to feel a sense of danger at not knowing what was behind you. It did make him feel a little vulnerable...
‘I’m sorry,’ Sadie was saying. ‘You must think I’m being ridiculous, but I’ve just got used to always being aware of my surroundings. I had to.’
‘If what you say is true.’
The words came out before Quin had a chance to fully think them through. He registered the look of hurt on her face, but something inside him had hardened. He pushed down the urge to trust her—because if he believed her that would send his world even more off its axis.
He suspected rather uncomfortably that having to let go of the anger that had felt so righteous for so long would expose more uncomfortable things that he’d never really dealt with. Like the sheer hurt. Pain. Loss. Sense of betrayal. A betrayal made worse because his own mother had abandoned him too. It had been so much easier when Sadie had been the straightforward villain and not a potential victim.
Sadie sagged back in her chair, as if she might be feeling the weight of his thoughts. ‘Why would I make such a story up?’ she asked. ‘It would have been easier to say that I thought I couldn’t cope.’
‘But not as sympathetic.’
Sadie’s eyes flashed, but before she could say anything the waiter was back to take their order. Quin noted that some of the colour was back in Sadie’s cheeks, and something in him eased a little. He scowled at himself. They ordered, and the waiter left again.
Quin sat back. He was prepared to indulge her for now, at least. ‘So, tell me, then, how did you end up in Brazil?’
Sadie’s mouth compressed for a moment, and Quin had to restrain himself from reaching across the table and touching his finger to her soft lower lip. Before, they’d touched each other all the time, and that tactility had been a revelation for him after growing up with little in the way of open affection. It had been impossible not to respond to Sadie’s irrepressible nature, and the affection—physical and emotional—that she’d given so freely.
‘Why should I tell you anything more when you don’t believe me?’
‘I’ll suspend my disbelief.’
He saw how Sadie’s glance flicked past him to the restaurant behind him and then back. He hated to admit it, but such a reflex could only be borne out of an ingrained habit. When they’d been together before she’d used to dislike going out to bars or restaurants, preferring to stay in and cook for them.
‘I picked Brazil to come to because I couldn’t think of anywhere further. I figured I could get lost in a country like this.’
‘And your witness protection team just agreed?’
Sadie nodded. ‘I didn’t have any family or relationship ties. Once they’d furnished me with a new identity and new documents they were happy to get me out of their hair. They already had my video deposition, so if anything did happen to me it wouldn’t ruin their case. They liaised with the police here, but only so far as to let them know my background. After that I was on my own. I had to find a job and support myself.’
‘Why didn’t the police here or back in the UK try to track you down when they didn’t hear anything from you after losing your memory?’
‘I found out when I contacted them after my memory returned that theyhadbeen trying to track me down. But my mobile phone was gone, and a lack of resources and lack of personnel meant they were limited in what they could do to find me. I hadn’t been in Sao Sebastiao for long before we met, so I hadn’t yet checked in, telling them my latest location. The onus on keeping myself alive and safe was really on me. They didn’t have any obligation beyond being a place for me to call in case I needed help or to find out information—like how the case was going...’
Their starters arrived, and Quin forked some salad absently into his mouth as he said, ‘So what happened when your memory returned?’
Sadie swallowed her food. ‘I knew I had to check in with them. I had no idea what was going on. When you’d gone to the hotel for the night, after Sol’s birth, I got in touch. They’d received intel that my old bosshadactively been looking for me in North America... They couldn’t be sure that he hadn’t extended that search further to South America. They’d started looking for me in lists of missing people when they couldn’t find me.’ When Quin stayed silent, Sadie continued. ‘The fact that he was actively looking for me... I knew I had no choice. I had to go.’
The waiter returned and removed their plates as Quin absorbed this. Eventually he asked, ‘Why didn’t you just tell me?’
‘I agonised over it. That whole night. It would have been the easiest thing in the world... But I kept looking at Sol, and all I could see was how small and vulnerable he was. It wasn’t just about me. It was about you and him. I couldn’t take the risk of telling you, just to make myself feel better, and risk your lives as well as mine. The witness protection team had been very clear thatanyoneI got close to would be a target too.’