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She looked at Quin and he nodded.
‘But what will we say when they ask where I’ve been?’
Quin shrugged lightly. ‘As little as possible. We won’t suggest that you haven’t been in Sol’s life...we’ll keep it vague. If anyone looks you up they won’t find much—just like we didn’t when we looked you up after you lost your memory. I’ve been largely off the social scene’s radar, living here in Sao Paulo, so for all they know you could have been here all the time—just not with me.’
So, Sol would know who she was... That made Sadie’s heart expand with a mixture of joy and trepidation. What if he didn’t like the idea of her being his mother? And what about the other stuff? Appearing in public as Quin’s girlfriend? Lover? Partner? Only to be excised ‘at a later date’...
But could she really complain? As he said, this would establish her as Sol’s mother. It would put her firmly in his life. If not Quin’s life.
It would be easy for Quin to keep Sadie at a distance. But he wasn’t doing that. He was giving her a chance to step into their world and take her place there. This was huge.
She looked at him. He was sitting back in his chair, long legs spread under the table, one arm across the back of the chair beside him. Supremely relaxed. As if he wasn’t wielding a high level of control over her life like some kind of a puppeteer.
He frowned a little as he registered her lack of response and leaned forward, taking his arm down. ‘I thought this would be what you wanted?’
Sadie clasped her hands. ‘Itis. I want Sol to know who I am—and thank you for that... I want everyone to know. But it’s just a little daunting...the thought of being thrust centre-stage after four years of being anonymous and living in the shadows.’ She shook her head. ‘I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long... I thought it might never come. But now it’s here it’s just a little overwhelming.’
An expression Sadie couldn’t decipher crossed Quin’s face, and then he said a little sheepishly, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t really take all that fully into consideration. If you’d prefer to wait until another time—?’
‘No,’ Sadie said quickly, terrified of letting this moment slip out of her grasp. ‘I’ve spent four years in purgatory. I can do this.’
CHAPTER NINE
‘I’VESPENTFOURYEARSin purgatory. I can do this.’
Quin hadn’t been able to get those words out of his head for the last twenty-four hours because they’d resonated inside him, touching too many chords. He’d been in purgatory too but he had to admit that he hadn’t fully appreciated how daunting it would be for Sadie to step out in public as Sol’s mother.
His purgatory had been that of not knowing why she had left. The purgatory of her betrayal. But he knew now that it hadn’t been a betrayal. It had been the absolute opposite, in fact, of what he’d experienced with his own mother.
His mother’s act had been selfish. Cruel.
Sadie hadn’t been cruel or selfish. She’d sacrificed her own happiness and risked her life to protect them.
His anger at her might be gone, but Quin couldn’t deny that the memory of the pain was still there. Like scar tissue. Warning him to be careful. Not to be susceptible again. Because all he wanted now was to be able to co-exist with Sadie. To have her in their lives, but not in Quin’s gut any more. Making him feel...too many conflicting things. Making himwant—
No.He shut that down.
All he needed was for equilibrium to return. Sanity. So he could start living his life again, perhaps even take a lover—as he’d planned to do the evening Sadie had appeared before him like a genie out of a bottle. Bringing the past with her. A past that he could finally start to move on from.
That’s why he knew this was a good idea, bringing her front and centre into his life, publicly. It was the most expeditious way of establishing their relationship and her as Sol’s mother, even as they both knew that it was just a façade.
She would also have to get used to a certain level of public interest as the mother of Quin Holt’s son. There was no getting away from his family legacy.
Then, when the time was right, they’d announce their amicable break-up and could then get on with independent lives, co-parenting their son.
Quin watched Sadie across the aisle of the plane, where she sat with Sol, their strawberry blonde heads close together. Sol was looking at a book and pointing things out to Sadie, who was smiling.
They’d planned on telling Sol last night about her identity, but he’d been so exhausted after playing with his friends that he’d practically face-planted into his dinner.
Sadie had hidden it, but Quin had noticed her disappointment.
He checked his watch. They had at least another six hours’ flying time. They’d stopped for a short refuelling break in New York.
Quin said, ‘Sol?’
His son looked up. ‘Yes, Papa?’
Quin’s heart turned over at his son’s open trust and love. He held out a hand. ‘Come here. I want to tell you something.’