Page 77
Story: Love & Other Atrocities
The next morning, Iwake up nestled under Ben’s arm. He’s still asleep, probably exhausted from having spent the entire night switching between the couch and the bed. Besides the fact that Annie can’t–and doesn’t need to–sleep, we both know it’s probably best if we don’t have much physical contact right now. Through our connection, I can still feel something inside me, lurking in the back corner of my mind. I don’t know if it’s her or the demon, but I can’t risk the same thing happening again.
So, Ben went back and forth all night, pulling me into the warm, comforting space against his chest, then, a few hours later, moving out to the living room with Annie. I got up at one point to check on them and found him sprawled out with his head in her lap on the couch. She was watchingFriendsagain and running her fingers absentmindedly through his hair, her wings and horns now vanished. When I thought about the possibility of losing one, or both, of them, my heart clenched violently, and I couldn’t sleep much the rest of the night.
Now, I slowly roll over to face Ben, and try to memorize everything about him. The elegant way his nose arches at the top. The dimple that’s still visible even when his face is relaxed. The delicious curve of his lips. Maybe I should beg him to stay. Maybe I should get down on my knees and shamelessly beg, the way he did yesterday when he asked me to let him find a way to keep us all together.
I didn’t beg Ros tostay, but that was different. Nothing I said was going to change her mind about having a family, and nothing she said was going to change mine. But with Ben…how could I convince him to choose me over Annie? I hate even having to think about it that way, because I don’t want to lose her either, but she’s dangerous right now. If it came down to it, what could I say to convince Ben to let her go? As his eyes flutter open and focus on my face, I realize what it might take, and I realize I’m not afraid of it anymore. The thought of giving him everything, it’s as simple as breathing.
“G’morning,osito,” he murmurs, kissing me on the nose. I slide closer to him and press my face into his collarbone, then take a deep breath.
“I love you, Ben.” It comes out in a whisper that sounds more like a croak, but I keep talking before he can answer. “I mean it. You said it yesterday, and I was just…in shock, but you’re right. I let practicality and logic get in the way of my feelings too much, and I’m done. I love you, and I want to give you everything, but…I don’t think we should talk about it right now. That’s how she almost got a hold of me yesterday and I won’t let it happen again. I just…wanted you to know that I love you.” His hand drifts to my back and moves in slow, steady circles, but I can hear his heartbeat pick up and his breath catch.
“I love you too, Theo,” he whispers. His lips graze the top of my forehead and his arms tighten around me. I want to let myself feel everything right now, but I have to hold it back, so I just put my arm around him too and lie there, breathing him in. The sweetness of our quiet moment is ripped away by the blaring of a smoke alarm.
We pull away from each other, calling out at the same moment, “Annie?!”
From the kitchen comes a loud, “Oh,fuck! Fuck,fuck, fuck!”
Ben lets out a breathless laugh and jumps from the bed. I grab a t-shirt and pull it over my head as I follow him. The kitchen and living room are smoky, and I immediately run to throw open all the windows while Ben goes for the vent above the stove. The smoke seems to be coming from the oven, where Annie is standing with her hands over her mouth.
“Annie, what the hell?” Ben cries, opening the oven, which pours even more smoke.
“I am so sorry!” she squeals. “I was just…” She looks at me and I swear there’s tears in her eyes.
“Trying to burn the building down?” Ben coughs as he fans the smoke toward the vent with a paper plate.
“I was trying to…apologize,” she says, waving a hand toward the counter. There’s several mixing bowls and measuring cups, and a huge mess of what looks like sugar and flour. Propped up on the side of my coffee maker is an old family recipe book my mom gave me, opened to a page with a picture of a cake.
“Apologize by…baking?” I ask. Ben slips on an oven mitt and pulls out a baking dish with what might have once been a cake in it. I can’t help but soften a little and let myself grin at her.
“Do not make fun of me!” Annie says, putting her hands on her hips and frowning. “I have never baked anything before!”
Ben takes his oven mitt off and uses it to slap her on the butt, then pulls her into a hug. “It’s the thought that counts,mi amor.” Then he looks at me and says, “I don’t think you’re getting your damage deposit back on this apartment though.”
I look over at the burn marks on the edge of the counter, then the huge hole in the wall, and laugh again.
“I think you’re right. Luckily, my dad is one of those guys who thinks you aren’t a real man unless you know how to spackle something, so I should be able to fix it. The smoke smell…I’m not sure.”
After we clean the kitchen and set up a few fans by the windows, Ben walks to pick up some breakfast and check on Monty and Roger at the park, while Annie and I take his car to the hardware store. It’s all I can do to answer her questions about every single item we walk past, which is incredibly cute, until she attracts the attention of some very burly construction workers. One of them offers to help her find what she needs, and theyall give me some serious side-eye when I grab her hand and pull her away.
“He wanted to help,” Annie says as we walk toward the checkout with our cart full of supplies.
“No, he didn’t,” I laugh. “He wanted to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“He was…hitting on you. Flirting.”
“Oh…” Annie says, obviously surprised. It’s sometimes easy for me to forget that she doesn’t understand these things. “But I am clearly with you.”
“Some guys don’t care,” I explain. “Especially when I look like this and they look like…that.” I motion across the store to where the large, bearded man is now standing with his friends, still eyeing me.
“Well, I think you are very handsome,” Annie says softly, kissing me on the cheek. I hate how much my stupid instincts take over as I put an arm around her waist and pull her closer.She’s mine, I let the other guy know with a quick glance. He just frowns and turns away.
While we check out and go back to the car, I can’t help but think that this is what my life could be like. Having both of them, knowing they’re mine and I’m theirs and we all belong together. Going to the park and the store and doing projects around the house and cooking. Knowing that, at the end of the day, they’re coming home to me, or waiting for me at home.
The thought of it makes my chest ache as we drive away, but I have to shove the feeling down. I allow myself just one small indulgence: holding Annie’s hand and watching her auburn hair dance in the wind when she rolls her window down.
We’re halfway through fixing the wall when my phone dings. It’s Mak, texting to remind me about the fundraising event for the shelter, which starts in two hours. I scramble off the couch and text her back, telling her I’ll be there, and that I’m bringing two more people along.
Table of Contents
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