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“You want to stay here? In my apartment?”

“Well, it beats sleeping in my car. Besides, I think I might have some skills that could…help the two of you come to an understanding. You know, in case you’re stuck this way longer than you’d like to be.”

Theodore takes the money and counts it, then asks, “What skills?”

“Marital counseling,” Benjamin says, flashing his smile again. It is rather charming, I will admit, and it appears to be working on Theodore.

“Marital counseling?” he says incredulously. “You want to give me and my…demon…marital counseling?”

“What is this?” I ask, annoyed.

Theodore sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s…something married couples do when they’re having problems in their relationship. They talk to someone about their feelings and their issues, like a doctor…or a priest.”

“I did some training for it,” says Benjamin. “Obviously, you don’t have to, but…I’m sensing a lot of tension here.” He waves between Theodore and I.

I am exhausted by this now, and turn to Theodore. “I have a better idea. You must kill him. I will assist you in dismembering and disposing of the body.”

“What?!”

“If you kill him, then my mission will be complete, and I shall be able to return home!”

“And what about me?” Theodore cries. “What about him?” He motions to Benjamin, who is watching us both warily.

“Yeah, I vote for not murdering me, please,” he says.

“Ugh!” I bark, throwing my hands up. “You are both pathetic!” I stalk down the hall, and Theodore’s feline companions race past me, hissing and spitting. I stop before I reach the bedroom, then linger in the shadows to see what the two men discuss when they believe I am out of earshot.

“Ok, listen,” Theodore says, watching the cats closely as they twine themselves around Benjamin’s legs. “We’re going to have to set some ground rules here.”

Benjamin scratches the cats behind their ears and nods. “Sure.”

“I have an air mattress and a spare room, but Annoth is going to keep an eye on you at night. She doesn’t sleep, so she’ll be out here on the couch.”

“Doing what?”

“She, uhh…she likes watching movies.”

Another barking laugh from Benjamin. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, don’t ask,” Theodore tells him. “So, she’s going to monitor you while I’m asleep. You’re going to make phone calls, send emails, texts, smoke signals, whatever you have to do to try and find us arealexorcist, and you’re going to show me receipts, ok? In the meantime…I guess we could do some counseling or whatever…”

I grind my teeth together and try to consider my best course of action. I do not trust Father Benjamin. Not that I trust Theodore either, but he at least seems to be more predictable, whereas the false priest clearly has all the hallmarks of a sinner just waiting to take advantage of anyone he can. Normally, I might rejoice and recruit him to assist me with corrupting Theodore, but my host does not seem to trust him any more than I do. No, Father Benjamin will not be able to help me, and if he does not hold up his end of the bargain, I could be trapped this way for a very long time. I will not suffer that fate, so I must continue to play their game. I emerge from the hallway and try to maintain a calm demeanor.

“I do not think it is a good idea to place your trust in him,” I tell Theodore. “But, it seems we have no choice. If he does not fulfill his obligations, however, I shall take my pleasure tearing his entrails from his body and stuffing them back down his throat. I will alsonotbe speaking to him about any…feelings.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense, since you don’t feel anything other than perpetual bitchiness,” Theodore retorts.

“Perhaps ifyouwere not such a craven little worm, Theo, darling, I would feel less inclined to–”

“Ok!” says Benjamin, standing up suddenly. “I think that’s enough for now. Everyone just…take a breather.” I roll my eyes and retreat to the bedroom, thoroughly fed up with these soft, cowardly humans and their emotional nonsense.

13

Theo

Once Annoth is gone,I sink into a chair at the kitchen counter, trying to wrap my head around how my life got this fucked up this quickly, and Ben approaches me slowly.

“So,” he says, and I lift my head from my hands, “you wanna…catch me up to speed?”