Page 67

He takes another shot and leans on the counter, looking so much older all of a sudden, like the weight of every confession is pulling him down, making it hard for him to stand. I want to hold him up, but I don’t move.

“Ben…” says Annie softly, reaching her hand out. He takes it and kisses her fingers one by one.

“Anyway, when I…got laicized…my family stopped speaking to me. Except Yelena, because we’ve always been close, and myabuelita, because her doctor actually recommended I not tell her. He said it could upset her so much that it might make things worse, and she probably wouldn’t remember it anyway. So, I wear the collar when I go see her. I tell her everything in my parish is perfect and wonderful, and I pray with her. Yelena and Santino play along. And now…now, if I ever get married, or have any kind of family, she’ll never be able to meet them. Because I fucked up, because I couldn’t keep my promises, I have to live with the fact that it might actually kill her…just to meet the people I love.”

He looks up at me, his voice cracks, and I think my heart does too.

“I am so sorry, Ben,” says Annie, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek. He holds her for a moment, and there’s a violent tug behind my breastbone, pulling me toward them, but I just clear my throat and push my shot glass forward. Ben gives me a weak smile and fills it. I take a shaky breath and throw it back, then look him in the eyes.

“The first time I…slept with another man,” I say slowly, “the summer after I graduated high school, I locked myself in his bathroom afterwards and had a full on panic attack because I thought I was going directly to Hell. Like, they were going to come up and pull me through the floor or something.”

Annie gives an incredulous laugh, but Ben is watching me.

“Are we doing confession now?” he asks quietly.

“Only seems fair,” I say with a shrug.

“Alright.” He takes another shot. “My other big secret is that…I play drums…in a Green Day cover band.”

I can’t help but howl with laughter. “Youwhat?”

“You heard me,” says Ben, a fake scowl twisting his mouth. The tension between us cracks. “Go on, Saint Theo, cough up another one.”

“Fine.” I take another shot. “I have a collection…ofStar WarsLegos.”

Ben cackles and I stand up, wobbling slightly, then lead them both to the closet in my hallway. It’s intended to hold sheets and towels, but is actually full ofStar WarsLego sets. Some of them were gifts from Ros and my family, while others I bought myself. A few are half-assembled, but mostly they’re still in their boxes, because Dante and Virgil liked to knock them off the shelves I tried to put them on.

“Oh, we aredefinitelybuilding a few of these,” Ben says with a grin, pulling out one of the boxes and inspecting it.

“Deal,” I tell him, then I turn to Annie. “Your turn, sweetheart.”

She looks quizzical, but then goes back over to the counter and takes her shot. Ben and I follow and wait with bated breath to hear what kind of secrets a demon might have.

“I have a…a sibling,” she says casually.

“What?” Ben laughs.

“Well, they are not whatyoumight call a sibling, but I suppose they are the closest thing to a sibling I can have. We were created from the same flame, and they have been with me through all my centuries, working side-by-side.”

“What’s their crazy demon name?” I ask, the fog of the tequila beginning to roll into my head and my speech.

“Erremoz’gaath,” she says, sounding almost wistful.

“Do you miss them?” Ben asks. She doesn’t answer immediately, just watches as he pours her another shot, then takes it.

“No, but I missed you,” she says in a whisper, meeting his eyes. Ben looks like he might crumple, and puts his arms around her again. Annie folds into him, pressing her face into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” I murmur. “I’m sorry for doubting you.”

“Nah, it’s ok,” he answers. “I mean…we haven’t known each other long, and I could’ve been more honest with you. It’s just hard to talk about.”

“I know.”

“So…” he says, glancing between us, “the next confession better be about what was going on when I got back…”

I swear Annie blushes, then she looks at me with a small smile.

“We’d just woken up,” I tell him, unsure why I’m lying.