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There’s a demon sittingon my couch. She’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans that look like they were pulled straight out of 1999, and she’s watchingFriendslike it’s some kind of masterpiece. It’s probably not the best example of normal human behavior I could have given her to watch, but it was either that orReal Housewives.Friendsseems safer. When she appeared in human form earlier, wearing that Princess Leia bikini, I thought I was having a heart attack. If I was a weaker man, I might have given into it, because fuck…shedidlook insanely hot.

I just have to keep reminding myself that she’s either a veryvivid hallucination or a literal demon from Hell, sent to possess my body and make me do terrible things. Right now though, she looks almost normal: sitting on the couch with her legs tucked up, resting her chin on her knee. She’s swapped out the dark brown hair for a lighter auburn color, and her skin is a more natural porcelain shade now. Not sure why she had to keep the Jessica-Rabbit-body though, because it’s honestly a bit distracting. I putter around the living room, picking up a few pieces of trash as an excuse to keep an eye on her.

She’s clearly switching up her game and it’s making me suspicious. Maybe she really is just biding her time until we can find a real exorcist, one who won’t run out on me with $600 in his pocket. Maybe she really does feel like her training was inadequate and wantsto learn more. Or maybe she’s waiting for me to let my guard down, taking on a less terrifying form, acting sweet and innocent because she’s figured out that I’m a sucker for a cute girl who wants to lie on the couch and watchStar Warsall day and–fuck!Stop it! This is probably part of her demon magic or whatever, luring me into a false sense of security.Focus.Get through the rest of the day and go to the church tomorrow to find a real priest. Hopefully,Friendsis enough to keep Annoth distracted until then.

“So this female,” she says, waving at the TV, “…Phoebe, she refuses to eat the flesh of other creatures?”

I stop picking up trash and attempt to formulate a response. “Yeah, it’s a thing that some humans do. It’s called being vegetarian.”

“Why do they do this?”

“Well…for different reasons. Some people do it because…oh, God, how do I explain this? The way that meat–animal flesh–is processed nowadays makes it kind of unhealthy for humans to eat. So, they’re trying to be healthier. But most vegetarians I know do it because they really love animals and they want to try and…reduce suffering, even for cows or pigs or chickens.”

Her eyes narrow. “They wish to…prevent the suffering of animals?”

“Yes,” I snort. “I know that must be terribly difficult for you to understand, considering you wanted to make me strangle a dog or drown kittens.”

“Ridiculous human sentimentality,” she quips, then returns to watching the show. I shake my head and finish picking up trash, but now I feel exhausted.

The attempted exorcism was painful, and my body isn’t in great shape from two months of eating takeout, pizza, and Lucky Charms. I’m sore as hell, like I worked out, even though I haven’t even been near a gym recently. I find an old granola bar in a drawer and sink into a chair at the breakfast bar to eat it. Annoth remains quiet, engrossed in the show. It’s putting me on edge.

“You don’t…need to eat, do you?” I ask, just to fill the silence.

“I do not require physical sustenance, no,” she answers, not tearing her eyes away from the screen. “Nor do I require liquid to drink.”

“So, what would happen if you ate food? Or drank water?”

She finally looks at me and thinks for a moment. “I am not entirely sure. I have never used this physical form in this world before.”

“Would you like to try eating something? Just…for the experience?” I have no idea why I’m asking her. Maybe it’s because I was raised to always be extra polite to guests, or maybe I’m starting to accept that this is real and I’m just a little curious, but she seems genuinely curious too. Maybe I could use that to my advantage–show her so much human stuff that she forgets she’s supposed to be taking over my soul and making me do terrible things. She studies me closely, as if she can see what I’m thinking.Can she? Shit.I didn’t even consider that.

“What varieties of human food do you have?” she asks, and I look around.

“Well…not much, actually. I don’t think your first foray into eating should be stale Lucky Charms and bad milk.” I get up and pull a stack of take-out menus from a drawer, then toss a few onto the coffee table in front of her. “I can order delivery though, which is probably way better than anything I make anyway.” She picks the menus up one by one and examines the pictures and words carefully.

“Can…can you even read?” I ask cautiously, and she snorts, causing black smoke to shoot from her nostrils.

“Of course, I can read,” she growls, tossing most of the menus aside, “but I do not understand what these wordsmean!” A burst of blue flame shoots out of her fingertips, incinerating the menu she’s holding.

“Woah, what the fuck!?” I yell. She just laughs and drops the burning paper into a dirty cereal bowl on the side table. I run to open the window before the smoke detectors go off. “You cannot just light shit on fire when you get mad!”

“Why not?” she asks with a frown. “I do not understand the food list, so I destroyed it. Now it will no longer trouble me.”

Jesus fucking Christ.I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath.

“Annoth…you can’t just destroy things, especially not things that belong to other people, andespeciallynot with fire.”

“Why not? Fire is the most effective method of disposal.” She holds her finger up and a tiny blue flame appears at the tip, like a lighter. When she grins up at me, I can see that she’s given herself elongated fangs, like a fucking vampire.Lord, what is happening to me?

I take a deep breath before I speak again. “I’m going to explain this to you like you’re a toddler, ok? Fire. Is. Dangerous. You do not play with it, and you do not conjure it magically in my living room, or any other room. Understand? You could burn down the whole building.”

“Oh,” she breaths, her weird black eyes lighting up, “what an excellent idea, Theodore!”

“No!” I cry. “Oh my God, no! It wasn’t a suggestion! Goddamnit. Ok, if you burn the building down, I will not save myself, alright? I’ll stay right here and die and then so will you.” I think she’s…pouting? Is that what this facial expression is? She actually looks upset that I won’t let her commit arson and mass murder.

“Very well,” she grumbles, and turns her attention back to the TV. “I do not have a preference as to the type of human food you have delivered.” I take a few more deep breaths, then pull out my phone. An angry girl demon should enjoy insanely spicy Thai noodles, right?

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