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“Hello,” he says, polite smile not quite reaching his eyes. “I’m Ben. The new roommate.”

Ros looks back at Theo and raises her eyebrows. “A roommate?” I cannot help but wonder if she knows about his proclivities toward men.

“Lost my job, remember?” Theo says with a shrug. “I’ll go get their carriers and stuff. I have about half a bag of food too.”

Ros steps into the apartment, and Theo lets the door close behind her. The tension in his body is like a dam holding back a flood, and I try to pour some of my own warmth into him as he begins to collect the cats’ belongings from around the laundry room.

What are you doing to me?he asks.

It benefits me to prevent you from experiencing pain.

You’re a liar, he says with a small laugh.

I am a demon, I reply, and he smiles. He places the food dishes, collars, toys, and a brush into a bag, then takes two small cages down from the shelves and brings everything out to the living room. Ben is focused quite intently on his potato soup, while Ros is occupied with the cats. They are not speaking.

“Heard you got a new job,” Theo says as he sets the cages down.

“Yeah.” Ros sounds slightly wary that he is asking about her new life. “Remember Mr. Meadows, the old English teacher? He had to retire kind of suddenly and…there I was. Never thought I’d be teaching back at home, but it’s been good so far.”

“I’m glad you found something,” Theo tells her, voice quivering as he reaches out for the black cat. “Gonna miss these knuckleheads though.”

Ros suddenly appears emotional. “I’m sorry, Teddy. I really am. I hope you know how much I–”

Theo holds his hand up, and she falls silent. “We don’t have to talk, Ros, and you don’t have to apologize.”

“I know, but we haven’t even–”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Ros! Please!” Theo says loudly. The flare of emotion causes some primal part of me to shift, like a hunting hound catching a scent. This is what I have been waiting for. This is what I needed. My opportunity to take over, to bend him to my will. If I can only push him a little further…

“I get it,” Ros mumbles, kneeling down to put the gray cat into its cage. I imagine how easy itwould be, to reach out with my shadows, to snap her pretty neck, and then use Theo’s distress to complete my mission. But I remember the way his hand felt wrapped around mine, and the certainty in his voice when he said that he still loves her. I think about the care he takes when he packs food for Monty, and the way he speaks to Roger, as if the dog can understand him. I think about how he becomes emotional when watchingStar Wars, no matter how many times he has seen it. I picture the way he looks at Ben when he thinks no one is watching and, with a sickening jolt, I realize that I no longerwantto hurt Theo. My demonic instincts might be reacting to his emotions, but the idea of hurting him now, when he is vulnerable, is incomprehensible.

Ros stands up, holding a cage in each hand, with the bag of supplies hanging over one shoulder, and Theo’s resolve begins to crumble. He desperately wants to beg, to kiss her dramatically like in the films, or simply tell her how badly he misses her. But instead, he stuffs his hands in his pockets to hide their trembling. Hoping to lend him just a small amount of my own strength, I twine my shadows through his body, and his trembling lessens.

“Good luck, Ros,” he says. “You deserve…everything you want.”

Her bottom lip quivers and tears gather in her eyes. “Good luck to you too, Teddy. I guess I’ll…probably see you around.”

He nods and then reaches behind her to open the door, causing her breath to hitch at their proximity. I can feel the drumming of his heart, the tension stretching between their two bodies. He meets her gaze for a brief moment, and I sense that he wants to kiss her. Gently, I use my shadows to coax him back. I cannot fully control his body, but this is more like a gentle tug—a reminder that he no longer belongs to her.

Heaving the cat carriers in her arms, Ros leaves the apartment. Theo nearly slams the door behind her, then takes a few steps backwards and leans on a chair. In an instant, Ben is there, gripping his upperarms.

“Hey, you did great!” he says, but Theo’s shaking becomes worse, and his breathing is labored.

“I think…I’m having…a panic attack…” he gasps, and slides down to the floor. Ben kneels beside him, but I do not know what to do. If I remain inside his body, my instincts could take over, and I cannot bear the thought of it. I must distance myself in order to lessen the intensity of our connection.

I do not want to hurt you,I whisper, hating how much emotion permeates my voice. I pull myself away and manifest on the couch, out of his sight. Ben gently talks him through the panic attack for a few minutes, then hauls him up and takes him to the bedroom.

I would follow them, but I feel as though I might be having a panic attack of my own. What is the matter with me? I had the perfect opportunity. The perfect chance to wrap my shadows around Theo’s heart and make him my own. I had the perfect victim too. The things we could have done to Ros…I would have relished them, but perhaps I would have relished them more knowing that she hurt Theo. This is not what I am. I am not supposed tocareabout the feelings of my human host. I am supposed to control them, to use them, to wield them like a weapon until they are bled dry and beg for mercy.

But I no longer feel like myself. I feel split, divided, pulled in two different directions, torn between my instincts and the heart I am not meant to have.

19

Theo

As soon as thedoor closes behind Ros, everything becomes foggy. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to push her against the wall like I used to, twist my fingers through her hair, make her gasp and giggle, then fall onto the couch together. The urge was so strong, I thought for sure I would give in, but something pulled me back. I know it was Annoth. I could feel her moving through my body, tugging me away from Ros, and as much as it hurt to watch her walk out again without doing a damn thing about it, I’m grateful. But now I can’t breathe. I lean against the chair and suddenly, Ben is in front of me, holding my arms.

“Hey, you did great!” His voice is earnest, but he’s wrong. It’s really over. She’s really gone. And I don’t think I can handle it.