Page 96 of This Blood That Breaks Us

“Then tell me.”

“You’ll think I’m an asshole.”

“I already think that.”

There was silence, then he spoke again.

“You were with Her, weren’t ya?WithHer.”

“No. Maybe a little. But not . . . I didn’t have sex with Her. I kissed Her, but I didn’t mean to.”

“You’re going to blame yourself for this one, I bet.”

“Yeah. Because I know better. I’m betraying my brother, Sarah, myself.”

Will took a long drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke in my face. He was smiling.

“This isn’t funny.”

“It’s not. But I find it amusing you’re hellbent on always making yourself the bad guy.”

“I am.”

“No. You’re not.” He took another long drag. “I want Her too. Me. Someone who’s dedicated his life to ensuring She meets a very overdue death. I hate Her with every fiber of my being. She is the reason my sister is dead. And yet, when I’m around Her, I’d do anything for Her to touch me. It’s disgusting how much I want Her, and I can’t make it stop. There’s no consent with this type of obsession. You can’t blame yourself. In fact, I’d say She wants you to do that.”

“Why do you know everything?” I scoffed.

“Because I’ve lived for-fucking-ever. One day, you’re going to be old too and a fucking know it all. I hope I’m dead by then so I don’t have to put up with ya.”

The smoke and soft rain accompanied us as seconds turned into minutes.

“Your sister, Eilean. What happened?”

I wasn’t one to ask people about their shit, but he would never tell me unless I asked, and we felt close enough. He knew the thing I was most ashamed of. It seemed natural to share our collective pain.

He stayed quiet for a long time but eventually answered.

“My sister is the reason I wanted to join Kilian and The Legion. Back in my day, talk of vampires was common. Now in modern day, it’s viewed as a joke. But back then, it was much more serious. People in our village were taken for their blood. The Family had even greater influence back then. There were tales of a great queen hidden somewhere in the lands of the North. She’d performed great miracles for soldiers in war. My sister was obsessed with the idea. She believed in stuff like that. When our mom grew sick, she fled to search for the monastery where the queen was held at the time. She left without telling me because I’d never let her go. She was only fourteen when she ran away. I went to look for her. Only to find it much harder than I thought. It took a year, and when I did, the monastery had been cleared, the queen had fled, and my sister was dead. She’d lived there and grew obsessed. Then became a maiden and was subsequently killed sometime after. I’m not sure how long. That’s when I met Kilian.”

“Maiden?”

“The queen used to have handmaids. Mostly when She was at the monastery. Only, that jealous bitch often ended up killing them all. My sister included. Kilian thought it had something to do with the queen’s past. Her human life was the reason She lures only men.”

My mind reeled with the news.

“I’m sorry.”

He continued. “I was ready to search for the queen then, but Kilian wouldn’t allow it. He made me wait until I was eighteen to change me. Then I could join him. My mom lived, but her body was weak, so she died a few years later when I was nineteen. I decided to finally take Kilian up on that offer.”

“Fuck. That’s terrible.”

“It’s not even the worst of my stories.”

“Well, then, I don’t want to hear the rest. My life is sad enough without hearing your sob stories.” I took a long drag of my cigarette and let it out in one long breath.

That made him smile and cough out a bit of smoke.

“You fuckin’ asshole.”